


let’s make freedom our favorite place

by laylax



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post S3 predictions, and repressing trauma, idk how to tag fics help, kind of, lots of fluff, rated m for maybe i need therapy, they're all hashtag going thru it, they're all the Mom Friend, they're going back to high school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 54,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22265962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laylax/pseuds/laylax
Summary: It's summer and the world outside their little bubble is golden, peaking through the cracks in the ceiling and lighting up the hostel.There's a part of him that stands there, looks around at the destruction, the ashes of all their demons, and feels a sense of loss.Molly makes pancakes for breakfast and downs half the stack before everyone has even sat down. Gert tries to tell her off for it and is cut off by Old Lace tearing into everything that’s on the table until all that’s left are crumbs of the meal they’d spent all morning preparing.They’re not running from their murderous parents, not trying to stop aliens and witches from sparking earth-ending catastrophes. They’re not fighting for their lives or for each other or for some greater purpose that he sometimes doesn’t fully understand anymore.They’re kids again.
Relationships: Chase Stein/Gertrude Yorkes, Karolina Dean/Nico Minoru
Comments: 25
Kudos: 72





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to four chapters of me self-indulging by bringing to life every runaways related head-canon i have in an attempt to numb the pain of losing them hehe... this is my take on a (highly unlikely) follow up to season 3. the fic was not meant to be nearly as long as it ended up being so i hope you'll bare with me and i hope you enjoy it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this first chapter is more of a build up to what comes next than it is an actual chapter and so the plot is relatively weirdly paced haha but it shouldd all make sense eventually x

_**june** _

It doesn’t hit him until weeks after it’s all happened— not until Morgan is long gone and everything has reverted back to their crazy version of normal, not until their parents up and vanish into thin air and they're back to being runaways— they’ve won. 

Alex blinked, barely had time to get acquainted with his newest nightmare, and it’s all over. 

It's summer and the world outside their little bubble is golden, peaking through the cracks in the ceiling and lighting up the hostel. 

There's a part of him that stands there, looks around at the destruction, the ashes of all their demons, and feels a sense of loss.  


Molly makes pancakes for breakfast and downs half the stack before everyone has even sat down. Gert tries to tell her off for it and is cut off by Old Lace tearing into everything that’s on the table until all that’s left are crumbs of the meal they’d spent all morning preparing.

They’re not running from their murderous parents, not trying to stop aliens and witches from sparking earth-ending catastrophes. They’re not fighting for their lives or for each other or for some greater purpose that he sometimes doesn’t fully understand anymore. 

They’re kids again.

It’s finally over. 

The dust has finally, _finally,_ settled and it’s all he’s wanted for as long as he can remember. Since that first night, when he invited them over and inevitably caused the chain reaction that lead them here, since the moment they lost Amy and it felt like he’d lost the biggest part of himself, since before that. 

Karolina and Molly are laughing uncontrollably in the corner, watching it all unfold in complete amusement, while Nico and Gert stare wordlessly at their Pompeii of a table. Chase jumps in with a suggestion that they should probably just get real food at a restaurant and everyone agrees unblinkingly. 

It’s his friends— his _family_ , the only real one he’s ever had— just like they were all those years ago before they came apart. Better, still. Stronger. 

They won, together. They survived. It’s finally over. 

And all Alex can think, silently watching it happen in front of him, is that it can’t be real. 

It isn’t over, not really. It can't be. Because he still feels the same, waiting for the other shoe to drop or the rug to be pulled out from underneath them. Because this feels more like the stuff of myths and legends and _not_ their lives, because they are definitely due for a disaster to come crashing through the skylight any moment now. 

Never mind that it’s been weeks of nothing. Never mind that he finally feels genuinely, truly, happy. Despite the fact that he’s still being weighed down by so much. None of it matters because he’s convinced himself that it’s not going to last. It can’t. 

He won’t know what to do if it does. 

He tells them as much, one night when they’re all crowded into Gert’s room trying to watch a movie on a buffering screen when there’s nothing left to say. The sky’s gone from golden to pitch black, the hostel’s gone from buzzing to half-asleep. “This doesn’t feel real,” he says softly, unsure if any of them even hear him over the static coming off the broken television set... if any of them are even awake _to_ hear him. 

“What doesn’t?” He’s too distracted by a stain on the carpet, staring at it and trying to figure out its shape so that he doesn’t have to think about anything bigger, to place who says it. 

“Any of it,” Alex says, pretending it provides all the clarification they might need. It’s not a real answer. It doesn’t even begin to touch on what he means. He rubs a hand over his forehead and adjusts his glasses. Everyone is staring at him now, eyes half open and half asleep, even Old Lace looks over from across the room. “I don’t know,” he says quietly. “The fact that we’re even sitting here,” he says. He means _the face that we're alive_ but he doesn’t need to say it, they’re all painfully aware of that much— that they almost died, that they could have. “I keep waiting for something bad to happen...” 

“Nothing is going to,” Molly says, surprises them all by being the first to break the silence. She’s always doing that, surprising them, somehow being the most grounded and mature of them all. “We’re okay,” she whispers. 

“Yeah,” Chase nods, “you’re stuck with us.” 

“Nothing bad is going to happen,” Molly says, reaches across and gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. It scares him how much she’s grown up, how much she’s had to. “Not right now, anyway,” she adds.

“Molly!” Gert says, hurriedly sits up and stares at her pointedly. 

“That’s reassuring,” Alex says, feigns a smile and she shakes her head. 

“I mean it.” 

“Please remind me never to get a pep talk from you,” Gert says, stares at her like the rest of them are, like she’s insane. 

Alex waits for something, for her to get to the point or this to be over but either way, it’s excruciating. Molly rolls her eyes, mutters something under her breath. “What I _mean_ is— yeah maybe tomorrow L.A. might get invaded by space aliens or some shit-“ 

"Molly, no cursing!"

“Thanks, I feel so much better,” Alex deadpans. 

“Stop interrupting me,” she bites, starts over. “Yeah that _could_ all happen... but right now we’re all okay, Alex.” She says, the beginning of a smile creeping onto her face. “It’s a miracle that we made it out, but we did.” 

“She’s right,” Nico says, pauses to looks up at all of them, glowing under the light of Gert’s awful lamp. “Right now we’re together. Nothing bad can happen.” 

It’s not the answer he’s looking for, not a promise that this is all really over, but it’s enough to convince him that right now, in this perfect moment, all six of them and their dinosaur staring at a blank screen, they’re safe. 

They’re in the clear. 

The irony is that they finally get everything they’ve been waiting so long for and none of them have a single clue how to deal with it.

* * *

Chase thinks he’s going to die. No, scratch that, he _is_ going to die. 

If it’s not because of the one-thousand-degree heatwave they’re having that is making driving through L.A. _unbearable_ , then it’s definitely because he’s going to crash the car because Karolina and Nico are full-on making out in the backseat when they’re supposed to be revising the list that Gert had made for them. 

It’s not like he’s actively watching them make out because first of all, he’s not a fucking perv, and second of all, he’s not actually stupid enough to crash a Rolls, as much as he wants to at this very moment. 

But Nico and Karolina are being particularly _loud_ and affectionate and he’s pretty sure they even forgot he was here in the first place. 

He wishes they had brought Gert with because she would have told them off twenty minutes ago and he wouldn’t have to spend all that time afraid to look in the rearview mirror. 

He tells them as much when they’ve pulled apart long enough for Nico to ask him how far they are. “About a mile away,” he says, adds a soft “we should have brought Gert.” 

“Why?” Nico asks with a little laugh, and in the most ironic of twists she deadpans, “so you could get distracted and crash the car?! No thanks.” 

Chase scoffs, slowing down as they near a red traffic light.

He flips off his turn signal, looks back for a moment to tell Nico to her face “I think I deserve a little more credit than that.” 

He makes a right when the light turns green, trying to crank up the ac before he realizes it’s on full blast. Gert’s been going on about the heat for days now, how global warming is effectively going to turn the entire planet into one big flaming ball of fire but he’s only been half-listening because whenever she starts talking about it she gets that cute look on her face that she does whenever she goes off on a tangent about something she’s passionate about. 

Needless to say, she’s right. Of course, she is. 

“Debatable.” 

“Whatever,” Chase sighs, taps his fingers against the wheel to match the beat of the song that’s playing even though it’s one he doesn’t recognize. “I still think we should have brought her. She could have helped.” 

“Yeah,” Nico says, and he’s keeping his eyes trained on the road but he can _vividly_ picture her rolling her eyes when she says it. “Great idea, dumbass, except that we’re already three people doing a run for only a week worth of supplies,” she says, but Chase is barely listening to her, starting to think they might be lost because the GPS on his phone is frozen. 

He tries to reboot it himself but it doesn’t seem to be catching on so he just unplugs it, tosses it onto the seat next to him. Luckily for them, he’s been here before, with Gert and Molly, and so he has a general idea of which way they should be going next. 

“Sorry, what was that?” He asks when he catches a bright billboard that says _Walmart, keep straigh_ t, in big bright capital letters. 

Nico sighs, “I said, three of us is already overkill. Gert said so herself.” 

Chase scoffs. “So then you admit, you don’t actually need me to be here?” 

It’s barely noon and he’d much rather be in bed right now— not that the temperature is any different in the house but at least the company is less irritable. 

Nico groans. “Why are you choosing now to start complaining? We’re going to be there in like two seconds,” she bites, sounds so pissed he almost rethinks this entire argument. 

Chase rolls his eyes, “Why are _you_ making me chauffeur you around when all you’re doing is just making out with your girlfriend?” 

This time she squeezes herself in between the two front seats, reaching forward to flick the back of his head, hard. 

Chase swerves and almost misses the entrance to the shopping complex that they came all this way for. 

“ _Girlfriend_ has a name,” Karolina finally pipes up from behind him, before he has the chance to really tell Nico off. “And a headache. Can you two both stop acting like children!” He can see Karolina massaging her temples from the rearview mirror and now he kind of feels bad. 

“You’re just jealous that you’re not making out with _your_ girlfriend right now,” Nico says to him, sticks her tongue out and flicks him one more time for good measure. But she already called him a sad puppy when they were getting into the car so this doesn’t bother him as much as it’s supposed to. 

And she’s not right, not even close, except, oh well, maybe she’s entirely correct and he’s not even going to bother denying it. 

She turns back to Karolina who’s glaring at her then, whispers a soft “sorry, babe.” 

“Why are we even going this far? I’m pretty sure we’ve already passed like three different grocery stores.” 

“Yeah,” Karolina nods, slides open her window and the burst of fresh air that fills the car is exhilarating. “But Gert and Molly went to a bunch yesterday and they didn’t have what we needed.” 

They _need_ a lot. The list is saved on his phone, courtesy of Gert, who’d texted it to all of them, color-coded it by importance and section so that they could be as time-efficient as possible. 

He thinks Nico is going to go back to annoying him then but she and Karolina go uncharacteristically silent and he looks back to make sure they’re okay and, of course, they’re making out again. “You know on second thought maybe I _will_ crash the car.”

“Okayyy,” Nico sighs. “We know you’re lonely and missing Gert but we haven't even been out for an hour. Co-dependency to this extent really isn’t healthy, Chase,” she says and it’s definitely something she’s heard Gert say because nothing in that sentence sounds remotely like Nico. 

Chase rolls his eyes, glances at back at the two of them, Nico holding onto both of Karolina’s hands, leaning into her with her head resting on her shoulder and he snorts. “You’re one to talk.” 

“ _Guys_!” Karolina shouts but it’s pointless because he’s already pulling up outside the big blue Walmart sign at the entrance. 

He gets home as the sun is setting. 

And he realizes that in the grand scheme of things, after everything he’s had to face in this past year alone, having to spend the day shopping for supplies is not that big of a deal. It’s a blessing even, in comparison to the dumpster diving they’d gotten used to before. 

But it is _exhausting_. 

He is _exhausted_ , takes no time at all to make his way up to Gert’s bedroom. 

His eyes land on her instantly like the homing beacon that she is and it’s not until she’s standing right in front of him that he realizes he doesn’t even remember walking up the tattered staircase to get here. He kind of just ended up here, like he always does. 

“Hey.” 

Gert catches sight of him standing at the entrance, leaning against her doorframe and she smiles— bright and radiant and enough to stilt his breathing. “Hey,” she finally breathes out, and Chase feels that one word squeeze around his heart.

“Hey,” he says again, nods, before taking a step into her room, dropping the backpack carrying his fistigons onto the floor.

Gert shakes her head, lets a huff of air escape her lips and it almost sounds like laughter. She turns back to the box of books she’d been preoccupied with, pulls a copy of something he doesn’t recognize out and slides it onto the shelf in front of her. “How was your afternoon venturing around L.A.?” She asks with a lull to her voice. 

“Boring,” he tells her as she looks back at him with a smile, reminds him that she’s still listening, actually wants to know. 

And God, he loves her. 

“I may or may not have accidentally crashed the car.” 

“Define ‘may have’,” she says, eyes wide and curious. 

“Yeah, I definitely crashed it.” 

Gert pushes the box away from her and stands up, strides across the room to meet him halfway. “And Nico hasn’t killed you yet?” She asks once she’s close enough that he can feel her breath on his skin. 

“Well, crashed might be an exaggeration,” he says, tilts his head so he can see all of her, the way her nose crinkles up and her lips seal to hold back a laugh when he continues. “Maybe just severely injured? But trust me, no one is more devastated by this loss than I am.” 

She laughs and he’s never gonna tire of that sound.

“Yeah, I don’t doubt that,” she breathes. “Did you get everything we needed?” Chase nods silently, feels her breathe a sigh in relief. 

His lips find hers then, without a second thought and he's kissing her. Soft and shaking and everything he pictures whenever he thinks of coming home. 

“ _Finally_ ,” he breathes out and breathes her in. “I missed you,” he says.

Gert smiles against his lips. “You were gone for like two hours,” she says in amusement and Chase can’t help but laugh too as he kisses the side of her head and pulls away just an inch to the sight of her beaming up at him.

“Longest two hours of my life,” he says, means every word of it. Breathes a sigh of relief because it’s been a long day and he’s finally home. 

And it takes a second for that to sink in.

* * *

Karolina has been up for thirty-six straight hours when she and Nico finally make it back to their bed. Hand in hand, they silently retreat to the comfort of their bedroom and the old humming radio it brings with it. 

It’s not like she _chose_ to be up for thirty-six hours, and her insomnia is definitely not due to lack of trying, but her brain is still used to the crazy hours they would pull back when their lives were in constant danger. 

So when she finally crashes onto her mattress, Nico at her side, it feels like landing on a cloud. And she feels like she could sleep for days. She doesn’t— she doesn’t sleep at all, actually. She lies awake and stares at the ceiling because her mind is _still_ not ready to turn off. 

Alex was right— she's been thinking about what he said all week, and this is the decision she's landed on— this still doesn’t feel real. 

How can it when all they’ve known for the past however long is being on the run and in the middle of chaos? This is too _still_ , too good to be true. She’s still holding her breath waiting for something that just isn’t coming anymore— they all are. She’s still staring up the tattered chandelier above the bed she shares with Nico and wondering if this is a fever dream she doesn’t want to wake up from. 

There’s an open window somewhere in the house and it brings in waves of hot, summer air, envelopes everything around them in a harsh reminder that the world still exists outside of their little bubble.

Karolina can feel Nico staring at her, eyes wide and glowing from the light of the chandelier in the hallway, can feel her breath on her shoulder as she stares up at the ceiling and Nico lies facing her. There are a million things running through her head and she can’t seem to choose one, find a way to direct all her energy so that she doesn’t go insane. 

She feels Nico’s hand slip into her own, trace the inside of her palm, ground her like nothing else can. “What are you thinking?” 

“That I probably should have fallen through the ceiling of a house with air conditioning,” Karolina scoffs, turns on her back so that she’s facing her. Nico’s hand hasn’t left hers, if anything she holds it even tighter, her eyes never straying from Karolina's. “This place feels like it’s on fire.” 

“Yeah,” Nico laughs softly, whispers it. “Yeah, that probably would have been a good idea.” Karolina smiles at her, smiles because somehow despite everything, she can’t help but think how lucky she is. That this is where she ended up— here in this room, here with Nico, here with a family that is everything she’s ever wanted. 

“But,” Karolina says, draws it out, her laughter bubbling down to a smile that takes over her whole face. She shifts towards Nico, closer still, until all that’s between them is a whirlpool of their hasty breaths. “I’m also thinking about what Molly said the other day,” she whispers, suddenly can't remember when exactly that happened. Apparently, time starts to lose all of it’s meaning when you’ve been up for nearly two days straight and stuck inside an underground mansion. Karolina smiles to herself, tells her, “She was right, you know? I know it's silly but we were- We _are_ so lucky that we’re all still here.” Nico brings their interlaced hands up and presses a kiss to the back of Karolina’s. “But it’s not by some lightning strike type miracle... we’re all okay _because_ of you.” 

She means it, every part of her does, knows it’s true. 

Nico saved them all. 

The light from the hallway dims and they must’ve blown through another light bulb that’s lasted longer than anyone thought it would. Neither of them is too worried, though; their eyes are locked and dancing with things that need to be said, feelings that need to get thrown out into the open. Nico smiles, weakly, shakes her head. “It's not silly. And it's not only because of me,” she says softly, catches Karolina off guard. “It’s because of _you,_ too.” 

Karolina looks at her, confused, thinks maybe her sleep is clouding her judgment more than she’d thought because she doesn’t understand what Nico’s saying. Nico must notice because she smiles to herself, whispers, “Thank you for believing, Karolina.” 

Karolina smiles back at her, hasn’t stopped all night. She opens her mouth to say something but Nico cuts her off. “In me, in all of us. The way you believe is so powerful. So... unwavering, I mean.” Nico’s hands feel warm in her own, a mixture of the heatwave and their being in such close proximity. And as late as it is, as tired as she is, she still wishes she could stretch this moment out— the way it feels like a light in a sea of darkness, a North Star lighting up the sky— and keep living in it a little longer, maybe forever with the girl she loves. “Thank you for not giving up on me,” Nico says, presses her lips into a thin line. 

Karolina leans in quickly, kisses her like it’s something she’s used to, like it’s something she could ever get used to, like it doesn’t feel like fireworks every single time. They’re both still smiling when Nico eventually pulls back, beaming and breathless and such a sight for sore eyes that Karolina feels like she’s on some kind of high just being here with her. 

“Your light is what saved us. It has all along,” Nico tells her, for a moment takes her back to all that time ago when everything was uncertain and new and terrifying. Not them, not this. Never this. She and Nico have always been there for each other. Always. No matter how dark things got or how many pieces their lives were shattered into. Sometimes she wonders how she made it more than two years without Nico in her life, how she didn’t completely come apart, and then she remembers she barely did. 

Nico saved her. They saved each other— they’re always saving each other. 

“I couldn’t have done any of this without you,” Nico breathes, barely above a whisper and still somehow it bounces off the walls of their room, echoes into nothing in particular. The air has cooled down now, summer heat evaporated or something else, drowned out by their late-night confessions and everything they still need to say. They’re in no hurry. They’ve got forever and maybe longer, maybe time will stop at some point and they’ll just lay like this, heartbeats synced and foreheads pressed against each other. 

“I never would have made it out of this if I didn’t have you anchoring me.” 

“I love you,” Karolina whispers, kisses her and she tastes like summer. 

“I love you too.” 

* * *

“Do you think they’ll notice if there’s like one slice missing?” Gert asks hastily, doesn’t really wait for an answer either way. 

It’s definitely summer, she notes. Definitely, because they’re walking down a semi-empty street trying to remember where Chase parked the car— the pizza in his hands almost cold now from how long they’ve been walking— and all she can think about is the ice-cold shower she’s going to take the second they get home, can already excitedly picture the instant relief she'll undoubtedly feel when the water hits her skin.

She’s holding his hand through the pocket of her coat, using her empty hand to scan through the swarm of text messages Nico has been sending her over the last hour.

“No, but-” Chase says, but her hands already reaching for one, pulling it out of the box he’s holding before he can do anything about it. “ _But_ ,” he repeats, opens the box for her to see. “Half the pizza’s gone already.” 

“Oh,” Gert says, lets out a shaky breath. “Well, you’re not completely innocent,” she says, puts her slice of pizza back into the box and stares at him, keeps moving down the street and glazing over the cars. “It took two to eat all that.” 

“Ha!” He says, points out their car in a sea of minivans and other cars that all look the same. He smiles at her and it’s warm and exciting and so powerful that she can’t help but smile back. 

“Besides,” Gert says, stares at him as he comes to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk, pulls the keys out of his pocket. She tries to sound pissed but the grin on her face is giving her away. “I was going to get hungry eventually. It’s _your_ fault for parking so far away, genius.” 

Chase sighs. “Well, there wasn’t any parking in front of the restaurant!” He says, gestures to the direction they’d been coming from, to the street full of cars and flashing lights and loud noises and a heart attack waiting to happen.

“Right,” she laughs, “so _obviously_ the next best place would have to be three states away.” 

They stop in front of the car and Chase places the pizza boxes on top of the car, places a hand on the door she’s about to open so that it doesn’t budge. “Well maybe I did it on purpose,” he says. “ _Maybe_ it’s all part of my plan,” he grins, leans in close so that he’s whispering in her ear and she can feel butterflies erupting everywhere. “Maybe I just wanted to have you all to myself a little longer.” 

“Oh yeah?” She tries to say but her voice cracks and comes out barely audible, just above a whisper. He kisses her quick and fast and over before she can blink. 

“Or maybe I just made a mistake.” 

He steps away and Gert rolls her eyes, opens the car door and slides in. She waits for Chase to join her in the car before she says, “Well if we take any longer you will definitely have me all to yourself because Old Lace will _eat_ everyone.” 

Chase laughs, “Okay you might be right.” 

She can feel him watching her as she pulls out the same slice of pizza from before, takes a bit of it. “You’re insane,” he says and she knows where this is going before he says it, knows because they’ve had this exact debate countless times before even when they were kids. “Can't believe you'd taint this perfect pizza by putting pineapple on it,” he scoffs, and she’s surprised it’s taken him this long to notice. 

“Yes,” she states, proudly takes another bite, only in part because she has Old Lace’s appetite. Mainly because she knows it annoys him. “And, FYI, I did it because I’m _not_ insane.” 

“I can’t believe you would ever kiss me with that mouth,” he says, starts the car but they stay stationary. 

“First of all,” Gert says, waves a hand in the air and rolls her eyes. “You have no taste. Whatsoever. And second of all, if you don’t want me to kiss you, I can stop.” It’s zany and random and so normal she feels like it must be a dream. It’s all she’s wanted since the moment they stumbled into Alex’s basement forever ago. She tries to sound serious but she can't _not_ smile when she's around him.

“You know,” he says. She laughs then, can barely hold it in because she knows that look on his face and knows that she’s damned. “On second thought, maybe I should give it a second chance.” 

“You should give them a second chance,” Gert repeats back to him, barely tries to fight off the grin on her face. His hand is on the wheel but he stops to kiss her with the windows open in the summer air and she can feel the butterflies all over again. “Mhmm,” she whispers, pulls back for air. “See. Not that bad.” 

Dinner is cold by the time they get back. Cold and yet it still feels like the best meal they've had in a while because they are all _starving_. 

Nico helps make it even better, pulls out a bottle of tequila she got from the dollar store the day before and it tastes like shit but Gert is already starting to feel lighter. 

She didn't use to be such a lightweight before, before she would hardly ever drink but when she did it would be a while before the alcohol had any effect on her. Now she feels drunk after her third shot, looping her arms around Chase's neck and kissing his cheek all wet and messy and tender. Chase doesn't seem to mind much, though. He's holding it together better than her, tells her they should go upstairs but she's in the mood for talking and sharing secrets like that she kinda thinks she might be in love with him and that she sent in an application to UCLA last week. 

"What?" It takes her a second to realize she's said that last part out loud. It's not Chases's voice that's asking though, no he looks completely unbothered, it's Alex's. They’re sitting in the foyer, all a little bit tipsy as it gets nearer to midnight. Not that time has any meaning anymore. They spend most of their time at the hostel together, none of them really sure how to move on just yet. Gert can’t even think of what that would look like. 

Everyone— everyone except Molly, who hadn’t even waited for the sun to set before crawling back to bed— has turned to look at her now, probably because she blurted it out in an incoherent blur of words. “I applied to UCLA,” she repeats, looks at all of them silently, waits for an answer and God, she wishes Molly were here to make this easier. The only reason Gert is okay with her not being here for this is that she already knows. Molly was the first person she told. 

She feels Chase’s hand reach across the couch and interlace with her own, smiles back when he offers her a small, sheepish grin that makes her feel weightless. He knows too. He was there when she filled out her application, kissed her in support and pretended like he knew the Shakespeare poem she referenced in her personal essay. He didn't, and she knows this for a fact because she remembers him falling asleep next to her the day they studied it in class in the eighth grade, unwittingly forcing her to laugh at him while the teacher was talking. They both ended up getting detention for a full week afterword. 

“What?” Nico asks, times it perfectly with Alex’s “Gert-.” 

They cut themselves off, turn to each other in a moment of confusion and then back to Gert, wait for her to say something else but the words just aren’t coming— she can’t think of them or she doesn’t want to, wouldn’t know where to start. 

“That’s amazing!” Karolina says with a beaming smile, pulls her back down and out of her mind. Karolina leans over, pulls her into a quick hug and it’s so hard for Gert to look at her and not be happy for herself. It’s hard to look at her and not beam because she’s just a little drunk and her face is glowing. It’s hard because even if she weren’t quite literally lighting up the entire house right now she could still make them all feel better in an instant, her true superpower. 

“Yeah, it is,” Gert says softly, smiles to herself. It is amazing, it’s exciting and new and it has been _so_ long since she had something to be excited about, something that wasn’t a _small_ victory. It’s been too many months of running and hiding and fighting, too many days spent praying the floor won’t fall through, that she’s forgotten what winning feels like. 

She’s forgotten how exhilarating it can be, staring her future straight in the face and not knowing what comes next except that it’s going to be good, that she’s going to thrive. 

And god does it feel good. 

“Wait,” Nico says softly, presses a hand to her forehead and drops it next to Chase’s empty one as she sits upright. Her hair sticks to her forehead as she tries to brush it out of her face, ask the question that’s on the tip of her tongue. She can blame the summer air coming through the skylight above them for that, for unnecessarily making everything feel hotter, feel a little worse than it should be. “What happened to Smith? I thought that was like... the school of your dreams.” 

“I decided that I don’t want to go,” she tells them, really means _I don’t want to leave, I can’t._ And it’s not out of fear, really, not about going anyway. If anything she’s scared of what she’ll leave behind. Scared of how, of if, Old Lace will survive without her. Scared that Molly will get herself into some kind of trouble that she can’t get out of, and she’ll be one thousand miles away. 

Okay so maybe she _is_ operating out of fear. 

But it's not _entirely_ out of fear. 

And it’s not really her fault. Not when she’s gotten so used to operating out of fear that she can’t stop herself, can’t differentiate between reason and emotion anymore. Not when she’s been living like this for so long that it’s really all she knows. 

“What?” Karolina asks, sounds hurt and sad and drunker than any of them. She’s still glowing, pink and lilac, reflecting off the chandelier above them, lighting up the entire house through the cracks in every wall. “Why not?” 

“Selfish reasons,” she scoffs, lazily traces her name into the velvet of the couch and wipes it away, a habit she picked up as a kid to help keep her mind calm. “I don’t want to leave you guys,” she whispers. “ Molly, and.. and Old Lace— they need me... I need them. I need you.” She’s looking at Chase when he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze, leans in and whispers something she can’t really make out but knows is supposed to make her feel instantly better. It still does. 

She lets out a deep breath. “And I know the world probably won’t need saving anytime soon but... if it does, we’re stronger together. We’ve lost enough people.”

“Okay,” Karolina says. Somehow she’s still smiling, hasn’t stopped for a second despite everything and it’s kind of mesmerizing. She claps her hands together, turns to Gert. “Then, congratulations!” She says, beaming and glowing and looking like a Disney princess. 

“Uhh, I didn’t say I got in,” Gert says, swallows a lump in the back of her throat. “I sent out an application. I mean, they could still reject me if they wanted to.” 

“You’re going to get in,” Chase says then, interrupts Alex as he’s about to say something else. “Of course you’re going to get in.” He’s still holding her hand and she loves him for it, she realizes now, drunk and happy. She loves him for _everything_ , has for such a long time that she finds it insane she never realized it before. 

“Duh,” Nico says with a laugh, pulls Gert out of her own mind. “Of course you are,” she echoes. 

“We should celebrate!” Karolina cheers, clambers off the couch and onto her feet before any of them can stop her.

“What?” 

“Yes!” Alex shouts, surprises her by jumping to his feet and following Karolina to wherever it is she’s going. 

Gert looks from Nico to Chase and back again. “They’re not serious right?” 

“Come on,” Nico says, and if the circumstances were any different Gert might consider _Nico_ trying to convince _her_ to go to a party a sign of the apocalypse. “I know we missed it and we haven’t been to school in... forever, but we kind of graduated this year. Tonight is proof. We finally have something to celebrate,” she says, softer. Heavier. Gert can see the weight of it in her eyes. “There’s no way we are passing out on this opportunity.” 

“I agree,” Chase says. He stands up and extends a hand to her, helps her off the couch in an excited daze. “I think there’s still half a bottle of whatever the hell we were having earlier and some leftover cake from god knows when.” 

“Sounds delicious,” Nico scoffs, turns to Gert for approval. 

“Fine,” she caves, can’t fight the smile on her face giving her away. “Yes, let’s celebrate!”

Why the hell not, right? 

* * *

It’s storming outside, thunder clapping against the window and bolts of lightning so powerful Molly can make them out clearly even buried deep in their underground mansion. 

She feels newly grown up watching the rain violently pelt against the windows, thinking about how before everything she was petrified of storms— scared that the roof was going to come crashing down while she slept or something else just as grotesque. She never made it through one without crawling into Gert’s bed, having her sing some made-up lullabies about far-away lands until she eventually fell asleep. 

Now she knows that she could hold this entire house up with her bare hands if she had to, could do it without blinking even once. 

She’s not scared anymore. 

Tonight the storm excites her. It’s a challenge she wants to face, and she almost wants to scream at it to try its luck. 

“Are we sure sending Nico, Chase, and Karolina out for supplies right now was a good idea?” She hears Gert ask from behind her, turns around at the sound of her voice. Old Lace follows Gert into Molly’s room, sits down on the ground beside her and rests her head on her lap. “Especially after last time,” she adds, and Molly remembers how when they came home Chase and Nico were pretty much ready to murder each other. 

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Molly says, smiles as she presses her lips together. “They’re getting us Pop-Tarts, so there’s no way the universe would let anything stop them from making it back safely.” 

Gert laughs, tells her “Molly, as sound as that logic is, I think maybe we should just call and check up on them.” 

“Just did,” Alex interrupts, sidesteps into the room and wordlessly stands underneath the door frame. “They’re okay,” he says and they all breathe a silent and collective sigh of relief. “Apparently, there’s a new restaurant somewhere downtown and they thought we could all use a break from Nico’s cooking.” 

“I’ll second that,” Gert says and Molly laughs. 

“Guess we’ve got our parents to thank for all the fancy meals we’ve been having lately,” Alex comments, looks more tired than usual and Molly can’t blame him. 

“Yeah, it’s probably the only good thing they’ve ever done for us,” Gert nods, walks over to pet Old Lace, doesn’t call them cowards for cutting checks and running away even though Molly knows it’s what she’s thinking. Instead, she says, “providing the means for us to get fresh groceries and other bare necessities is really the least they could do... after everything.” 

Molly scoffs, “it’s not like they could force us to come home after everything that’s happened.” Home wouldn’t even feel like home after everything that’s happened. Their idea of home has completely shifted from the mansions they grew up into found family and a six-foot lizard. 

“We’re all eighteen now, anyway,” Alex remarks and Molly tries not to think of the weight of that. That they’ve missed out on so much their lives trying to stay alive when they should’ve been trying to live. She tries not to think about how she feels so much older than she actually is, and not in a good way. 

“Except Molly.” 

Molly sighs, glaring at Gert. “Thanks for the reminder,” she deadpans. 

“Whatever,” Alex says, rolls his eyes overdramatically and Molly can’t quite explain how much she’s missed him. He might not have really been gone for six months but it felt like forever. “I’m just glad they didn’t put up a fight.” 

“Yeah,” Gert says, softer. “I think we’re all tired of fighting.” 

“Good thing we don’t have to do it again anytime soon then, huh?” It is. Their lives have shifted to days of looking forward to stupid things like who’s in charge of breakfast and who gets to choose what they’re playing for game night, and Molly couldn’t be happier with that. 

* * *

Alex sees the light coming from the kitchen first, blinding almost the entire house. 

He forces his eyes shut and tries to fall back asleep, stares at the clock blinking in front of him when he realizes he’s still not tired. It’s not like he was really expecting to get any sleep, but he wanted to at least try, and it doesn’t help that the entire house is shining now. 

It’s the crash that sends him jumping out of his bed, urges him to grab a spare lamp off the ground, the one that isn’t on because it doesn’t work because of course not. 

“Alex!” Gert whisper-shouts when she sees him tiptoeing into the kitchen. She stops to pull her hair back into a ponytail, stares at the lamp he’s wielding with a look he can’t describe. 

The kitchen’s a mess. 

There’s flour on the counter and the floor and a puddle of something he can’t name covering the table next to Gert. 

“Shit,” she mutters, gestures to the lamp. “Sorry, did I wake you?” 

“No, uh,” he sighs, shakes his head. Gert picks up a cloth and dabs at the puddle in front of her as Alex inches toward her, sets the lamp down on a cracked tile. 

Gert looks up at him, tries to read his expression. If she comes up with anything she doesn’t say, instead only asks, “Can’t sleep?” 

Alex shakes his head wordlessly, isn’t even sure where he would start if he tried to tell her how many sleepless nights he’s been having lately. Gert sighs, wipes a chair clean and sits down at the counter. “Yeah me neither,” she says softly, looks at him with the beginning of a smile. 

He sits down across from her and it’s not until then that he notices she looks almost as tired as he feels. 

Gert clears her throat, “I, uh, I keep having these uh, nightmares?” She says, stares at the bowl in her hand and focuses on moving her spoon around it in circles. “I’m not sure if that’s what you could call them but, it’s what they feel like... but, uh, I guess technically they’re memories,” she breathes out. 

Alex sighs, closes his eyes for a fraction of a second and he’s back in the dark dimension— back in that cell, back with a knife at his feet and blood on his hands. It’s worse when he’s asleep. When he’s sleeping in a flurry of images flashing through his head. His mom asking him to forgive her, the sound of Livvie’s voice when she calls to tell him that Darius is dead, Destiny screaming out for help, his parents killing her, his mom asking him to forgive her. Him killing her. 

“Yeah,” he whispers. “Me too.” 

She must not be expecting that from him because she tilts her head slightly, looks at him sideways and uncertainly. “Wanna talk about it?” She asks, stops stirring to look at him, so sincere it makes him shiver.

“Not really?” He says, shakes his head. He can feel her watching him still, tapping on the table nervously and hiding behind his glasses. “Not even sure what _it_ is yet.” 

“You sure?” She asks with a tired smile, places a hand on top of his in an effort to help calm him. “I’m a really good listener,” she says and he knows that’s a lie— knows he hasn’t ever made it through one conversation with her without her going off on a tangent about something he doesn’t know half as much about or snapping at him for doing something wrong— but it doesn’t make him appreciate it any less. 

“Yeah,” he nods. “I am... but thank you.” He offers her a smile in return. “Do _you_ want to talk about it?” He asks, hopes whatever she’s going through isn’t remotely as bad as the nightmares he’s been having. 

“Nope,” she says, pops her ‘p’ with a sigh and transforms her expression. 

She slides the bowl in her hands across the table, watches it come to a stop right in front of him. “Want some cookie dough?” She asks, wiggles her eyebrows comically and stares back at him with wide eyes. 

Alex scoffs, stares down at the mixture of chocolate chips and brownie bits and whatever else Gert’s thrown into it. “You’re baking?” He asks, looks between her and their hurricane reminiscent kitchen in amusement. “ _Sans_ an oven?” 

Gert laughs, “yeah I didn’t really realize that until I was halfway done creating this _heavenly_ concoction.” Alex stares at her and she rolls her eyes. “Okay, so yeah, _technically_ it’s not baking. I was going to bake cookies because I didn’t want to stay in my room and end up accidentally waking Chase, but the whole no oven thing really put a hole in that plan. So now I’m just making cookie dough,” she says in one breath. 

He wonders how long she’s actually been in here, whether he should have heard more than just the one crash if she’s really been in here long enough to have something that’s actually edible. 

“Want some?” She repeats, eyes the bowl in front of him. “I added in a pack of gummy bears too,” she grins, “because they just make everything better.” 

“Umm, I think I’ll pass on that,” he says and Gert shrugs, pulls the bowl back toward her and dips a spoon in. “You know, since I do plan on _eventually_ getting some sleep, sometime in the next three years.” 

“Whatever,” she says, rolls her eyes. “More for me,” she smiles. 

“You’re going to put yourself into a coma with that.” 

“It’s cookie dough, Alex,” she says, exasperated. 

“Fine.” He sighs. “Be my guest.” 

Gert smiles at him, looks like she’s going to kick him out of the kitchen because she can do _whatever she wants to, thank you very much_ but she stands up instead. “Want to watch a movie?” She asks, grabs the bowl as well. “Or literally anything? I don’t feel like cleaning any of this up.” 

The clock on the wall is shining back at him, reminding him there are only a few hours till the sun comes up and he should probably get some sleep before then, but before he can object Gert says, “I think I saw that they’re having a Saved by The Bell marathon tonight.” 

Alex shrugs. “I’ve never watched that,” he says with a sigh, picks up the lamp he’d left on the floor and gets ready to retreat to his room. 

“Yeah, me neither,” she says, following him out of the kitchen and into the foyer. 

He sees it so clearly then, under the light of the kitchen and outside of his own head for once. She's scared. She looks terrified and it cuts through his exterior as effectively as a newly sharpened blade because he feels it just as bad. 

She turns off the kitchen light and the entire house is instantly darker, the only light coming from a hallway chandelier upstairs and the world outside. 

“But,” he says, stops in front of her. “If it’s good enough to be re-run, it’s good enough for us, right?” He concedes, decides that she needs a friend so much more than he needs a few hours of what will probably be _restless_ sleep right now. Decides that the worse that can happen is that it’s boring enough to actually put them to sleep. 

Gert smiles at him tiredly. “This is going to be great,” she says, tries to sound a little annoyed but she’s still smiling. 

“Okay,” she says, claps her hands together silently and almost drops her mixing bowl onto the ground. She catches it just in time and shakes her head, “why don’t you go get that ancient thing powered up in the meantime and I’ll run back and get us some snacks.”

“I’m not eating cookie dough, Gert.” 

“I know,” she says, sounds as annoyed as always. “That’s why I said I’m going back.” She sighs, shoves the bowl in his hands and starts heading back to the kitchen, mutters “you are no fun _at_ _all_.” 

“Hey, I heard that!” 

“You were supposed to do,” she sings back, doesn’t even turn around. 

* * *

Gert is so unbelievably tired. 

She can barely keep her eyes open and yet every time she tries closing them, sleep doesn’t come. So she’s trapped in her own little self-made paradox, has been for days now. 

Not that getting any sleep would be so much better. If her sleep was peaceful that would be one thing, but lately, it’s been riddled with nightmares she’s not ready to face yet. 

It’s midnight and she’s swinging on the hammock in Chase’s room, watching him sitting on a chair across from her, reading _The Merchant of Venice_ at her recommendation. Although he barely glanced over the title when she handed it to him so she wonders if he is actually reading it or just humoring her. 

It’s been exactly one month and three days since they took down Morgan, sent her back to the literal hell she came from, and things finally seem to be simmering down long enough for them to catch their breaths. 

Sure, she’s barely been getting any sleep and it’s turned Old Lace into a crankier version of herself, one who barks at anyone who goes near her, but other than that, everything is fine. 

Everything is _good_. 

It’s been nothing but wasting days away, trying to figure out what happens next. It’s been nothing but falling back into patterns, making up for lost time with Chase. And Chase is... Chase is perfect. 

He catches her glancing at him from across the room and smiles, slowly strides over and before she can comment on his disregard for what is arguably one of Shakespeare’s most underrated works, his lips hastily come crashing down onto hers and his hands wrap around her waist. 

It doesn’t take long for Gert to settle into it, for her hands to find their place around his neck, pulling him lower. Closer. 

He pulls back a fraction of an inch eventually, his forehead still resting against hers and she thinks that being this close to him, breathing him in like he’s a part of her is doing things to her that it shouldn’t be allowed to. He shouldn’t have this much control. 

“You know,” he says softly, slowly, smiles at her like she’s the only person in the world, and she’s done. She’s ready to give up, to follow him to the edge of the earth if she has to. “Maybe we should have a sleepover,” he whispers against her lips and it surprises her. 

It shouldn’t because he _has_ already silently moved back into her room— his clothes are taking up their own shelves in her closet and his pillow is still lying on his side of the bed. He’s the only reason she manages to fall asleep on the nights that she does, and if he notices her tossing and turning then he doesn’t say so. 

It surprises her because they’ve never said it loud, never really talked about the last time she asked him that exact question. It surprises her because it’s the smallest thing but it’s got the baggage that comes with it in big neon letters. 

She can tell from the look in his eyes that he’s just as anxious, understands her hesitation. Of course, he understands. He always understands. 

Gert slips her hand into his, interlaces their fingers and smiles back at him. “Yeah?” She says softly, teasingly. Chase smiles at her, tired and nervous and he looks beautiful, like everything she’s ever wanted. 

She loves him. So much. And even though she hasn’t gotten around to explicitly stating it yet, she knows he knows. She knows he’ll wait until she’s entirely ready to say it because he’s _perfect_. 

He’s perfect and he’s hers and she loves him. 

She traces the inside of his palm idly, draws a multitude of little hearts because she can.

“Yeah,” he nods, makes her giggle at his cute attempt to stifle a yawn. “Just the two of us, I mean,” he says in a rush, pulls back an inch but he doesn’t let go of her hand. “In case that wasn’t clear.” 

She laughs, then, doesn’t feel as tired when he’s looking at her like this, tenderly slipping an arm around her waist. “Oh noo,” she mocks, feigns annoyance even though she’s still grinning like an idiot. “And here I was looking forward to sharing a room with Nico and Karolina.” 

Chase shakes his head, laughs half-heartedly and she turns back to face the hammock she’d abandoned. “Also,” she says, points to it skeptically. “No offense, but there’s no way I’m sleeping on _that_. We’d be better off sleeping on an empty road.” 

“Hurtful.” 

“Sorry, babe, but it’s the truth.” She tilts her face up and kisses him softly, slips her hand out of his and onto his cheek. 

Old Lace growls from the floor above them, starts pacing and her footsteps make the ground shake. 

She’s been alone for a while now and is probably getting restless. Gert should definitely go and check on her. Usually, when she’s this antsy it probably means she’s hungry or needs some TLC, but she’s been like this all week and Gert is starting to think it has less to do with her diet and more to do with the fact that they’re psychically linked and so _neither_ of them have slept in days. 

She thinks everyone else must be asleep because the house is silent, besides for Old Lace, and if Molly were awake she definitely would’ve gone to check up on her by now. 

“I’ve improved it,” Chase says, draws her attention back to his room and his hand on her back. He takes a step back to prove it to her, swings the hammock back and forth and looks proud of himself. If she’s being honest, then she can’t tell the difference but she likes the way his eyes light up when he does it. “It’s indestructible now.” 

Gert smiles, does her best to hold back a laugh as she echoes “Ooh it’s indestructible?” Chase nods, must note the sarcasm in her voice because he rolls his eyes. “Sounds super comfy, too.” 

“Gert-“

“I’m kidding,” she promises. “About its construction. Not the not sleeping on it part.” 

Chase sighs, loud and overdramatic and she can’t help but smile. She takes his hand then, holds it tightly in hers. “But... My bed is huge though, and _super_ comfy,” she suggests, nods silently, allows the truth of it to coalesce in her mind.

“Honestly, the hammock still sounds better but I guess that could work too.”

“Shut up or else you are definitely sleeping on the hammock,” she says but she doesn’t mean it and they both know it. She needs him in her bed as much as he needs to be there, to stop her from spinning out and spiraling. To ground her. 

He’s always been the best at that, at making her feel safe. It’s why she loves him, it’s why she can’t fall asleep without waking up in a panic. 

* * *

Karolina is talking to her right now, telling her about some new type of almond milk she discovered that makes her coffee tastes _even_ better and all Nico can think looking at her face is how her eyes look like missing pieces of the ocean in the sunlight and her smile makes her feel like she’s a comet shooting through space and _god, she loves her._

Nico Minoru is in love, someone alert the fucking media because she wants to scream it from every rooftop that has ever existed and will ever exist. 

“Earth to Nico,” Karolina says, smiles at her like she’s the only person in the world and Nico feels like she’s going to explode, thinks this must be what Karolina feels like when she's flying. 

“Sorry,” Nico says, leans over and kisses Karolina— soft and fiery and over so fast it hurts. Sometimes, when Nico catches Karolina off guard by kissing her, when her cheeks turn pink and flushed and even more beautiful Nico forgets they've been together as long as they have. It always feels like the beginning of something, forever, maybe, she doesn't know, but kissing Karolina is never going to be something she gets used to. 

“Where did you go?” Karolina asks. She rubs a finger over her bottom lip, still blushing pink and rosy and it makes Nico smirk. 

“Just thinking,” Nico says, tries to bite down on a smile but it slips out and then she doesn’t even bother hiding it. “About you.” 

Karolina’s eyes are glowing when she looks at her again. Her cheeks are red and she’s smiling just as wide as Nico, wider even. _I love you_ it says and Nico says it back. "I love you." Karolina kisses her. She tastes like the strawberry lip balm she stole out of Nico's drawer weeks ago. 

Nico swallows a lump in the back of her throat, tries to steady her breathing and her heartbeat just long enough for her to get this through this conversation. “I want to work on my magic,” she says, just loud enough for Karolina to hear. She clears her throat. “I don’t... I don’t mean like practice, I want to improve it. I want to be able to do spells. Like actual spells that consist of more than one word.” 

“Yeah?” Karolina asks with a little smile, she’s half-joking and half genuine. “Cause I’d say you’ve already got that down.” 

“Yeah, but you’re biased,” Nico says, leans across the table toward her, tucks a few loose strands of hair behind her ear and Karolina eases into it. 

Karolina laughs then and it sounds like honey. It sounds like magic and Nico can’t believe the stars aligned so perfectly that she gets to exist at the same time as her. Next to her. “I definitely am,” she says with a look that Nico doesn’t fully understand. 

A waiter interrupts them to fill each of their glasses with wine and Nico thinks that if she can’t do every kind of spell yet, at least she can do the kind that gets them free alcohol. Karolina thanks the waiter with a soft smile and then turns back to Nico, gives her her undivided attention and it’s something she appreciates more than words could ever say. 

“It just feels like there’s so much that I can be doing,” she says softly and in one breath. “There’s so much more that I’m capable of. I just know it.” 

It’s on her face and in her eyes, she wants to ask _Like Morgan?_ and if she did then Nico would kind of deserve it for everything she put them all through. Because none of them have been the same since the dark dimension, because Alex is almost unrecognizable, because there’s a parallel universe that exists somewhere where not all of them made it out of this. 

But she doesn’t ask it, instead, she gives her hand a squeeze and tells her, “Me too. I know you’re capable of almost anything. Actually, scratch that, not almost. You’re capable of literally anything, Nico.” 

“You’re going to get us kicked out of here for too much PDA,” Karolina laughs when Nico kisses her again. 

“So what?” Nico says with a grin and kisses her once more good measure. Karolina’s about to protest but she shakes her head, takes a sip of her wine and realizes she doesn’t actually like how it tastes. “Okay, okay, I’m done. I promise.” 

Nico smiles, can barely hold it in. She’s so happy, doesn’t ever remember being this happy before. Except maybe when Amy was alive and they were all the way they used to be, but even then, the memory seems to pale in comparison to how she feels now. After so much darkness, after so much time underwater, it feels so good to finally come up for air. It feels so good to catch her breath. "There's this academy for people like me, witches, I mean. It's where my mom learned how to use her magic."

"Nico, that's perfect-" 

"It's pretty far away," she interrupts, swallows down whatever it is she's feeling. "I'm not sure where exactly, they haven't got like a brochure or anything but..." she trails off. "It means I'd have to leave." 

"Oh." Nico can see it sinking in, can see her smile faltering a little even though she's trying her best to keep it plastered on. "When... when will you, leave? 

"I want you to come with me."

"What?" 

"I do," Nico smiles. It's the first thought she had when she decided she was going, before even: she doesn't want to do this without Karolina. She can't. "I don't need an answer right away, obviously. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, I just wanted you to know... because you're perfect and sweet and I would love to have you by my side for this." 

Karolina lets out a heavy breath, drops her shoulders, and smiles at Nico. “I’m pretty sure I was the one supposed to be giving you a pep talk.” 

Nico rolls her eyes, lets out a shaky laugh. “Said who?” She scoffs, plays with the rings on Karolina’s hand. 

Karolina shrugs. “I don’t know... Me? The basic laws of being in a relationship?” 

Nico gasps dramatically and Karolina rolls her eyes. “Well, in that case, I’m sorry.” 

“You’re lucky I love you.” 

“I am _so_ lucky,” she says softly and Karolina is blushing and smiling at her. Now that they’ve won the war against PRIDE and Morgan and Jonah and all other evil entities, Karolina is always smiling and Nico loves it. Would like to revel in this for as long as possible, wonders how the universe could ever do anything that would even bring about the _possibility_ of taking Karolina’s smile away. 

“Can I ask you something else?” Nico says, knows the answer is yes before she even sees Karolina nodding. “It is okay if we keep it between us, just for now. I just don’t think I’m ready to talk about it with _everyone_ yet.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Nico nods. “We’ve all just finally gotten back to being a family.” _Gotten back to being happy_ she wants to add, but she doesn’t need to. They’ve all been grinning like idiots for weeks now. 

Honestly, it’s starting to get a little annoying. 

“Of course,” Karolina assures her. “But you know they’d all support you, right? Like you said, we’re family.” 

“I know,” she says softly, feels warm and content in this cafe on a random Wednesday afternoon and it’s definitely not because of the temperature. “I just don’t want to tell them until I actually have _something_ to tell them, not just a half-baked idea.” 

She doesn't even know when she's going, or for how long, or if she's going alone. 

“Okay,” Karolina whispers. “Your secret is safe with me.” 

“I love you,” Nico says and she’s never meant any three words more. 

“I love you, too, Nico. So much.” 

* * *

_**july** _

Karolina wakes up smiling. 

Whether it’s because she spent the night cuddled up with Nico, talking about everything they planned to do now that they were officially free to do.. whatever the hell they wanted, or just because they were _free_ she can’t say for certain. Either way, it doesn’t matter, there is no reason she _shouldn't_ be smiling right now. 

Except maybe the rain, but she won’t let that get to her. 

She’s got her family back, all of them in one piece, for the most part. They’ve got this big house to call their own, and she won’t even get started on the amazing girlfriend she has. 

It’s no wonder she wakes up smiling. 

It must be contagious too because when she finally makes her way downstairs everyone else seems just as bubbly. 

Gert and Chase are sitting close together on the last few steps of the staircase, speaking in hushed whispers and smiling at inside jokes. Molly and Alex are having a discussion about something she isn’t sure of and Nico is just sitting at the head of the table in her pajamas, making her way through a stack of pancakes that Karolina can smell all the way from their bedroom. 

“Good morning, everyone,” Karolina says when she gets to the table, practically sings it out because she feels like it’s that kind of day. 

She leans down to quickly kiss Nico good morning, sweet and short and not nearly enough, feels her smile against her lips and it’s enough to seal this day in history as the best one ever. Karolina shifts and turns around to face her, taking in the way the weak sunlight coming through the windows turns her eyes a magical color and the warmth of her smile. "Good morning,” she says, softer this time. 

“Morning,” Nico smiles back, blushing a little dazed and surprised and it makes Karolina smile even wider. 

“Morning Scooby gang,” Gert says, sing-songs just like Karolina did and grabs an apple off the table. Chase follows her into the room like her shadow, sits down on the chair next to hers. Gert bites into her apple, looks at Karolina with a smile and it isn’t until then that she notices the bags under her eyes. She knows Gert hasn’t been sleeping well because Old Lace sleeps outside her and Nico’s room which means she paces restlessly outside her and Nico’s room whenever Gert can’t sleep. But seeing it on her face is something else altogether. 

Karolina wants to give her a hug, wants to reach out and say something reassuring but before she can even think to do it Gert is interrupting her. “What’s on the agenda for today?” She asks, takes another bite out of her apple and leans into Chase. 

“Nothing,” Nico says absently, too busy drowning a pancake in syrup and whipped cream. “We are officially out of chores.” 

Karolina knows that eventually, they are going to need to actually figure out what comes next. The rest of their lives can’t just be lavish breakfasts and squatting in a mansion buried under six feet of rubble. Eventually, they’re going to have to move on, but right now they’re still kids and they’re still readjusting and so what if they live in denial for just a little bit longer. 

“Just back to boring runaway things,” Alex adds, “sleeping and junk food and more sleeping and more junk food.” 

He doesn’t sound disappointed at all though, none of them do. If anything, it feels like they're all letting out a breath they've been holding in for way too long, remaining thankful that they are not spending the day trying to outrun actual murderers. 

“So we’re not doing anything?” 

“Speak for yourself,” Molly says, her eyes are sparkling and she’s smiling so wide it makes Karolina feel all warm inside. “I am spending the day trying to see how many marshmallows I can fit in my mouth, and I really need to try and step up because Alex beat me last time.” 

Chase snickers and Molly glares at him. Alex smiles at her smugly, takes a bow and says “What can I say, I have a gift.” Molly glares at him, too, sticks her tongue out at him and folds her arms in front of her chest. 

Karolina can’t hold back then, barks out a laugh just as Gert does the same. 

“What the hell happened to support your local girl gang?” She asks, directs it at Gert who’s still hopelessly trying to hide her laugh behind her hand. Molly just rolls her eyes, turns to Alex and tells him, “Nineteen marshmallows isn’t a gift. It’s _weak_.“ 

Karolina isn’t sure if it has the effect she wanted it to because now Nico and Chase are laughing too, none of them able to hold a straight face even though she isn’t even sure what exactly they’re laughing at anymore. 

“So you keep saying, but I don’t see you getting anything higher,” Alex says, sounds so smug she has to laugh.

It’s good to see him like this, though, almost back to normal. Almost himself again even though she can’t imagine what he must have gone through, can’t imagine how much he must have changed when he was gone. Karolina still has nightmares about her time spent in that _place_ sometimes and she wasn’t there nearly as long as he was. 

Molly nods, makes a show of folding her right hand into a fist and cracking her knuckles for the hell of it. “Just watch,” she says, stares right at Alex. “I’m going to decimate you today.” 

“Okayy,” Gert says, pulls everyone’s attention to her two outstretched arms making a ‘time out’ gesture. She laughs one last time and then says “As entertaining as that sounds.... and trust me when I say I would pay big money to see that...” She pauses, and if she’s anything like Karolina she is probably trying to picture Molly facing off against a version of Alex with a mouth full of rainbow-shaped marshmallows. 

“I was actually thinking we could have a game night,” Gert says and Molly’s head drops dramatically. She falls into her seat wordlessly and Karolina has to bite down a laugh at how melodramatic everyone seems to be this morning. 

She’s only just barely paying attention to their argument, too distracted by Nico’s hand playing with hers, linking and unlinking their fingers and sparking something in her that’s probably going to end up killing her. “I agree,” she just barely hears Chase say, can’t even bring herself to look away from their interlocked hands. 

She looks up when Molly gasps dramatically, places a hand over her mouth in shock and then glares at Chase. “Shocker,” Molly deadpans, rolls her eyes. “Marshmallows would be more fun though. And they taste better.” 

“Molly we can do both,“ Nico assures her, lets go of Karolina’s hand to place it on Molly’s shoulder. 

“Oh. Sweet,” Molly says with a sigh, drops her shoulders. “Well have you at least got a better idea than game night? If I have to watch Gert win one more round of Monopoly, I’m probably going to lose it.” 

Karolina tries to wrap her head around the idea of Molly ‘losing it,’ almost bursts out laughing at the image of Molly’s eyes glowing golden like the sun as she flattens a perfectly square Monopoly hotel or two. 

“I second that,” Chase says and the look on Gert’s face is priceless. It makes no sense because they all know that Gert learned how to play—read cheat at — Monopoly from Chase who learned it from Nico. But she still manages to beat them both every single time without fail, after the game has gone on for hours and everyone else is just about ready to drop. 

“You’re both just sore losers,” Gert snorts and Alex sticks his tongue out at her. Not to mention Monopoly is the absolute last game anyone would ever guess that Gert liked to play, but she's freakily good at it. 

“I have an idea,” Karolina says, perks up when it hits her and then she’s running with it and it’s already a fully formed plan in her mind and it’s perfect. 

There’s a box of surfing equipment up in her room, one that’s fallen down more times than she can remember picking it up. She only remembers it because she remembers thinking how odd it was, that Morgan the great or whatever his name was, owned surfing equipment. Especially when he looked like the kind of person who never left the confines of the hostel, let alone went out to ride the waves in Venice. 

“Just give me five minutes,” Karolina says hopefully, grabs on to Molly’s hand because there’s no way she’ll be able to carry it all by herself and disappears up the staircase before any one of her friends can say anything in protest. 

“Not that I’m complaining,” Molly says as they walk into Karolina’s room and she starts ruffling through boxes in her closet. “But what exactly are we doing?” 

“We,” Karolina says, draws it out as she finds the box she’s looking for. She claps her hand in triumph, pulls out a bright orange board and hands it to Molly who is still staring at her and waiting for a response. “Are going boogie boarding.” 

And it’s clear from the look on Molly’s face that this beats game night. Karolina feels a sense of pride at that, takes a moment to revel in it and the smile on Molly’s face before she goes back to haphazardly digging around in the box. 

They manage to round up a total of four boards to Karolina’s delight, all of which Molly manages to hold in one hand even though they’re almost twice her size, not that that’s surprising. 

She’s lifted heavier. She’s lifted worse. 

They make their way downstairs in a rush of excitement and smiles, drag everyone outside without any explanation. 

It’s not pouring anymore, the skies mostly clear. It’s not so bad that they all need to put on big coats before they go outside and yet they still do because getting sick isn’t really an option. 

Before Karolina can even present her case, Gert connects the dots. Her eyes go wide as saucers and she stares at Karolina like she’s crazy, shaking her head incessantly. “No, no way.” 

“What?” Alex and Chase say in unison.

“Come on,” Karolina whines, pulls her hand and starts walking towards the least steep slope of the mountain, it only goes down a few feet but even she has to admit it looks a little scary. Still, scary is exciting and they could all benefit from a little excitement right now. “It’ll be fun.”

Gert just folds her arms in front of her chest. “It’s pouring outside, Karolina.” 

“It’s barely drizzling!” 

Gert stares incredulously as Molly hands Nico a purple board, takes one for herself, and then gives Chase and Alex each their own as well. 

Nico turns her board around cautiously, looks between it and Karolina and then back again. “Babe, I think I’m going to have to agree with Gert on this one. It’s not exactly safe.” 

“Haters,” Molly scoffs, sticking out her tongue at them. She turns her back on them as she plays with her board, spins it above her head. 

“We’ll be careful,” Karolina promises, gently squeezes her hand in reassurance. Nico looks convinced, or at least convinced enough to give it a try. 

Karolina turns back to Gert then, lets out a deep breath before she slowly says, “The heat has _finally_ let up, we need to take advantage of this." 

“It actually sounds kinda fun,” Nico says, offers Karolina a supportive smile. 

Even Alex seems on board with the idea, Chase too. Karolina kind of wishes he would say something to that extent because it’s almost always easier to convince to Gert of something if she knows that Chase is on board. 

“How exactly is sliding around in muddy puddles fun?” 

Chase gasps then, and Karolina can’t tell if it’s for dramatic effect or if he’s being serious but either way it works. “I’m just gonna pretend like you didn’t say that,” he says, mocks hurt and Gert annoyedly swats his arm. 

Molly’s getting impatient now, standing behind them with a helmet on and her board in her hands. Based on the look on her face, Karolina thinks that if they hold her up much longer she might actually just physically lift them out of her way. 

“Come on, Gert,” Karolina echoes, says it for what feels like the fifth time and if she squints she can maybe kind of start to see Gert crack a little. “We have boards, we have helmets, we live on a freaking mountain. We _have_ to do this.“ 

She thinks this might be the longest they’ve all spent outside of the hostel other than on the day they discovered it. The view is kind of breathtaking. She never noticed that in all the times they were driving in and out in a hurry or panic or dread. 

The world looks so much smaller from up here. Karolina can see the beginning of a rainbow forming over what she assumes is downtown L.A., spreading all the way over them and thinks that if she reaches up just an inch she’ll probably be able to touch it. 

“We’re gonna get pneumonia,” Gert says, but Karolina can tell she’s actually starting to come around by the way her arms unfold and the fact that she doesn’t sound nearly as convincing as she did a few minutes ago. “Or... or hypothermia.” 

“I think you actually only get hypothermia in extreme cold,” Alex says and Nico nods. 

They’re anything but cold. The sun is already peeking through the clouds even though it’s still raining a little, and the coat feels like overkill because, oh, right, this is still _Los Angeles_ and she’s already sweating. 

“Gert, pleaseeee,” Molly says softly before she can object again and Karolina can see the exact moment Gert changes her mind— can see the way she’s looking at Molly and can tell that she’s thinking how Molly hasn’t any days like this, any purely good days, any fun, in a really long time. 

Karolina’s thinking the same thing because Molly’s her little sister, too, so she knows how badly Gert wants this for her. 

She knows how badly Gert wants this for her by how quickly she raises her hands in defeat. “Okay, Molls,” she says, steps out of the way. “Just be careful, okay?” 

“Duh,” Molly says, smile so bright it makes Karolina feel like she’s flying. 

“I just want the record to show that I warned you all that this is a _horrible_ idea.” 

“Got it,” Karolina says with a smile, nods her head slowly. 

“Moms,” Alex says, looks between her and Gert. “If you two are done fighting... we’re all kind of hoping to do this before we’re old and gray.” Gert just rolls her eyes and Karolina sticks her tongue out at him. They still step out of the way, watch silently as he and Molly position their boards at the tip of the mountain. 

Molly and Alex both push off themselves off, shoot like rockets down the side of the mountain and Gert is screaming for them to slow down and Molly is screaming with excitement and Alex is just screaming while Nico and Chase are laughing uncontrollably as they watch it all happen. 

They hit the edge of the road with a thud and Karolina worries that one of them might have actually gotten hurt but Molly turns around and she’s beaming and giving them a double thumbs up and then they’re all just an eruption of cheers and hollers and arguments over who gets to go next. 

When it’s finally Gert’s turn to go she looks like she’s definitely going to hate it, but Chase offers to sit on the board with her in an attempt to make her more comfortable. He wraps his arms around her waist and whispers something in her ear, makes her cheeks turn the same color as the roses they’ve got in the kitchen. 

And then she’s fine. 

She loves it, makes her way up the slope beaming and Karolina laughs. “See,” Karolina says with a grin that matches Gert’s. “I told you it would be fun. And I’m always right.” 

Nico slides past them, knuckles white from clutching her board so tight and boots covered in a thick layer of mud but she’s smiling as she flies down with the wind in her hair and it makes Karolina feel happier than anything. 

Gert rolls her eyes at her, gushes, “and you’re so modest about it, too!” Karolina sticks out her tongue, and Gert sticks out her tongue back. Then she starts making random faces at Karolina and Karolina does it back until they’re both laughing so hard it hurts. 

Karolina feels like she’s seven again and they’re playing in Nico’s treehouse like they always would, pretending to be princesses and knights and dragons and feeling so happy it hurts. 

“Wanna go again?” Gert asks, pausing to catch her breath, and she’s smiling wide and bright and so is Karolina.

“Obviously,” Karolina says, laughs along with her. She waves to Nico who’s standing at the bottom of the mountain before climbing onto her board, racing Gert to the bottom. 

It feels better than flying. 

* * *

Molly’s about halfway through the best popsicle she’s ever eaten when Gert finally makes her way downstairs. Everyone else is out for the day, off doing their own errands or sightseeing or whatever it is that homeless angsty teenagers do to kill time. 

Molly doesn’t really get it, though. 

She doesn’t like going out much because most of the time it’s for something boring and she ends up falling asleep in the car, anyway. 

“Soo,” she says, stretching it out. Gert is distracted untying her hair while Old Lace lies down on the ground next to her, tilts her head up at her like she wants Gert’s attention. “Now that we’re not murder suspects, or on the run, or poor... do you maybe want to take me shopping? I kinda wanted to get some new clothes. You know... the kind that _don’t_ have weird blood stains all over them. Plus, I need some new hair clips.” 

“Yeah, of course, Molls.” Gert smiles at her, bends down to stroke a hand over Lace’s head and she nods in satisfaction. “Do you want to invite the others, too?” She asks, pulls out her phone to start typing or calling but Molly cuts her off. 

“Actually, uh, not to sound awful or anything but I was hoping it could just be us,” Molly asks, gives her a pout and her best sad puppy eyes like she has been doing since they were little and Gert gives in. She puts her phone away. “I kind of miss spending time just with you,” Molly tells her, “going to the mall for ice cream and the photo booth like we used to before... everything.” 

“That’s not awful Molly,” Gert says with a smile that makes Molly feel instantly better. “It’s normal. I miss it too. So much.” 

Gert presses a kiss to the top of Old Lace’s head before Molly pets her quickly and softly, running after Gert who’s gone off to find the keys to Dale’s car. Well, technically it isn’t really Dale’s anymore, they’ve had it for months now so Molly’s pretty sure it’s actually _theirs_ now but she still thinks of it as Dale’s car. The one he’d drive them to school in every morning and the one she’d sit in with her ears covered to muffle the sound of him and Stacey singing along to Mariah Carey. 

“Shotgun!” Molly shouts as she approaches the car, watches Gert climb into the driver’s seat. 

“Molly, we’re the only ones in the car,” Gert says with a huff. Oh. Right. Force of habit. If the others were here she'd probably get stuck in the backseat, squashed between Nico and Karolina so Gert and Chase could sit up from and gawk at each other. 

Gert slowly turns on the ignition as Molly watches her in awe. As bad of a driver as Gert is under pressure, Molly thinks that she’s probably one of the best drivers she knows. She’s the one who taught Molly how to drive in the first place and Molly’s not a completely awful driver so she must be doing something right. Gert just has a system, a ritual that she does whenever she gets into the car, and when they’re trying to outrun murderers, stopping to check that the mirrors are all perfectly positioned isn’t exactly an option. 

As soon they’re above ground Gert rolls all the windows down and the cool breeze that comes in feels mystic. 

Molly flips on the radio and they’re playing a Queen song that she only _thinks_ she might know the words to. Gert is already humming along, tapping her fingers against the wheel of the car like they’re drum sticks. 

Molly spreads her arms out like she’s an angel, loves the feeling of the wind against her fingertips, and Gert starts laughing, so loud Molly can barely hear the music over it anymore. She joins in quickly and before they’re even on the highway they’re both laughing hysterically at nothing in particular, so hard it makes her stomach hurt. 

“Alright, I’ll bite,” Gert says when the wind becomes a little too much and Molly decides to close her window. “What’s on your mind?” 

If it were anyone else Molly might consider denying it, but Gert knows her too well for that to work. 

Sometimes she wonders if she and Gert _are_ actually biologically related, because at least then that would explain how Gert can read her mind without so much as blinking. But then the only other explanation would be that Gert is just _magic_ , and Molly thinks that one seems more likely to be the truth. 

“Dale and Stacey keep calling,” she says softly. It’s the first time she’s said their names out loud in a while, it feels weird and familiar. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“And I don’t know if I should answer...” It’s been weeks now, dozens of missed calls and she’s ignored every single one of them, felt guilty about it every single time. 

“Oh,” Gert says, her voice much softer than it was a minute ago. She clears her throat, glances over at Molly for a second before looking back at the road. “Do you _want_ to answer?”

“I don’t know,” she says, tries to watch Gert for a reaction but she can’t read the expression on her face. “I think so.” 

The truth is she does. The truth is that she misses them sometimes, misses Stacey kissing her goodnight and misses ditching school with Dale to drive around eating so much ice cream it made her sick. Molly misses their house. She misses her old room sometimes. She likes her new one better but sometimes she wants to just spend a night in her old bed, wants to pretend like they never found about PRIDE and never had to run away. 

Still, as much as she misses them, her friends are the only family that matters to her now. They’re the ones she’s willing to do anything for. And if that means leaving everything from her old life behind then she’ll do it. It’s not like any of it was real anyway, it was all a lie. “I don’t want everyone to think that I’m choosing them.” 

“Molly,” Gert says with a sigh, and it sounds the same as it did when she was six. “No one is thinking that.” 

Molly sighs, bites her bottom lip. “But when Chase left-“ she cuts herself before she can finish the thought, feels instantly worse for bringing it up because the last thing she ever wants is to upset Gert. 

“Molly,” Gert breathes, but she doesn’t sound upset. She sounds endearing and like home. “The stuff with Chase... that was different, okay? But no one is going to think you’re betraying us by talking to them, Molls. They’re still our parents despite everything.” 

It’s not everyone else that she’s worried about, though. Because Karolina goes to visit her mom almost every other day, and Nico and her mom are both working through things together. Even Alex, who up until a few months ago, had sworn he didn’t care what happened to his parents, is reconnecting with his dad, trying to put back together the fragments of their family. 

The person she’s worried about losing is sitting right across from her. “I know,” Molly says softly, kind of wishes Gert would stop driving to look at her but they’re in the middle of the freeway now. “But they’re your parents too. And Dale kidnapped you and Stacey tried to hurt you and Old Lace....” It doesn't come out as a question, more like a vague, ominous statement than anything else. 

“You think _I'm_ going to be mad at you?” Gert says, her voice cracking a little. She turns to face her and Molly nods dumbly. Gert sighs, reaches one hand across the car and takes Molly’s hand in it. “Molly, I love you,” she says with a smile, gives her a gentle squeeze and she already feels a million times better. “We’re sisters. Forever. If this is something you need to do or even just something you _want_ to do... I got you. I’ll be right by your side supporting you whatever you decide.” 

Molly nods, smiles at her wide and bright, wants to scream something loud like _thank you_ but it doesn’t seem like nearly enough. “I love you,” she says instead, and it makes Gert smile. 

Gert turns the volume of the radio up, surfs through the channels until she finds something she likes. Molly doesn’t recognize it, instead, she spends her time looking out the window, trying to guess if she can figure out which way Gert is going to turn before she does it. 

She can. 

“Oooh,” she says as they’re getting off the freeway and she finally sees a building she can semi-recognize. “We should drive past UCLA! You know, scope out the campus and stuff.” 

Gert rolls her eyes, asks her, “why don’t we wait until I actually get accepted, okay?” 

Molly shrugs. “Is it weird that I don’t know what I want to do yet?” 

It’s something she’s been thinking about a lot— where do they go from here? She knows she’s not the only one worrying about it, knows it’s probably all Gert thinks about too, and that’s why she feels comfortable enough to bring it up in the first place. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know,” Molly says with a shrug. She isn’t really sure what she’s trying to say here. “I guess.. like I know _you_ want to study and become a genius who saves the world and all, and Chase will literally follow you wherever you go, Alex will probably end up becoming a millionaire or something, and Nico and Karolina want to get married... but I don’t know what I want.” 

Apparently that. 

Gert laughs a little to herself, smiles at Molly again and the way it calms her is almost unreal. “That’s not weird at all. You’re fifteen years old you’re not supposed to have any of that figured out yet.” 

“Almost sixteen.” 

Gert nods, “almost sixteen,” she echoes. “Despite everything you’ve been through you _are_ still just a kid. You’ve got so much time to make up your mind and then change it and then change it again.” She usually hates it when Gert calls her a kid because, technically, she's only two years and a few months younger than the rest of them and she's even more mature than them sometimes. Today she likes it, today it makes her feel better because, of course, it does. Gert is magic.

“I don’t wanna get left behind once you all grow up and move on.” It sounds childish and immature and everything that she’s trying to be the exact opposite of. But it’s painfully true. 

“Hey,” Gert says loudly, waves a hand right in front of Molly’s face even though she’s already looking right at her. Molly giggles, catches her hand and bring it down onto the wheel. “You’re not getting left behind. I’m not leaving you, ever. None of us are, okay? We’re a family.” 

Molly smiles at her, hastily reaches over and presses a kiss to her sister’s cheek. “I love you, Gertrude,” she sings, changes the channel on the radio because she doesn’t like the static coming off it. 

Gert rolls her eyes at the nickname, points to the passenger door next to Molly. “Okay that’s it’s you’re walking the rest of the way.” 

Molly gasps. “What happened to not leaving my behind?!” 

“I changed my mind,” she says, sticks her tongue out at Molly and it makes the both of them laugh.

* * *

“You know what we should do?” Chase asks her softly one night when it’s just the two of them in her empty bedroom. 

Gert’s head is resting on his chest and he’s staring up at the flickering chandelier, thinking that lightbulbs are something he’ll have to put on the list the next time they go out for supplies, although knowing Gert she’s probably already written it down right at the top of the list. 

“Nope,” she says with a sleepy smile, props herself up on her elbows and kisses him quickly, so so quickly that it’s over before he can even sink into it. “What should we do?” She asks. 

The light from above them is being reflected perfectly in her eyes, making her look even more ethereal than she usually does. Sometimes at night when they’re lying like this— when their breathing is matched and her hands are in his— Chase thinks he’s been damned right from the start. Falling in love with her was always going to be an inevitability. 

“We should go out more,” he says nervously, still a little stunned from the kiss because that’s not at all what he wanted to say. Maybe it is but it sounded more put together in his head, sounded like it actually made sense. 

“Really?” She asks softly, stares down at him with wide eyes. “Because every time _you_ go out you come home wanting to kill Nico and I’m pretty sure Alex is still readjusting. Not sure we can handle any group outings just yet. And where would we even go?” 

It’s his fault for phrasing it weirdly and it’s her fault for ruining every coherent thought he’s ever had just by existing. “No,” Chase sighs, shakes his head slowly. “I don’t mean we like all of us...” he breathes out, gestures between the two of them and slips his hand into hers. “I mean... _we_ , like... you and me.” 

“Oh,” Gert whispers. Oh. He can tell she knows what he means this time because the sides of her lips curl up and her entire face softens. She giggles softly, clears her throat afterward. “So, out like...” 

“Like on a date,” he says, full with a smile to match hers. “Dates plural... is what I’d prefer,” he tells her and she looks so beautiful just watching him stumble over his words with a glow in her eyes that he can’t describe. Couldn’t possibly do it justice. “But I don’t want to be presumptuous.” 

She’s in his head. She’s welded herself so deep into his thoughts that he’s using words like _presumptuous_. 

“So I can say no?” She asks with a lull to her voice that tells him she’s kidding even though he knew that already. 

Chase bites down a smile, “Well... yeah,” he stammers. Gert is watching him through half-closed eyelids, slowly blinking her eyelashes up and down. She’s a vision. “But you shouldn’t.” 

“Okay,” she says with a grin, props her head back onto his chest. She absent-mindedly runs her fingers over the cotton oh his shirt, tracing shapes that he can’t make out. She does it every night, teetering on the edge of sleep, trying to calm her mind. He likes it, likes knowing that in some small extremely minute way he’s helping her get through this. 

“I’m convinced,” she whispers. “Where should we go?” 

“It’ll be a surprise,” he says with a grin. She laughs then, warm and probably louder than she should be, considering the time, but he can feel it in his rib cage and it just feels _good_. 

“As tempting as that sounds,” she says softly, peaks up at him through her eyelashes. “The last time I let you quote-unquote 'surprise me' was in the seventh grade and the surprise was a plastic snake in my locker so I’m not sure if I should be worried.” 

He remembers the day she’s talking about, remembers the look on her face when it fell out of her locker and onto the ground in front of her, remembers that she didn’t talk to him for two days after that and he felt like he was going to die. 

“I already told you it was an accident.” The snake was meant to be in Alex’s locker, his latest attempt at defeating him in an ongoing prank war they’d had since the summer before sixth grade. Gert looks as convinced by his argument now as she did back then. “Just trust me, okay?” 

He already has an idea that he thinks she’s going to love. She definitely will. 

“Always,” she whispers. 

Gert lies her head on his chest again, her breathing slowly starting to sync with his and yawns so big her eyebrows crease and her nose scrunches up and he’d focus on how cute it was if he wasn’t so worried about her all the time. “You okay?” He asks. 

“Yeah,” she nods, looks up at him again and presses a soft kiss on his cheek. “Just a little tired,” she breathes and he decides he’s not going to push her. Not tonight. 

Although he’s been saying the same thing every other night so maybe he’s just scared. Of course, he is. Maybe by the time he finally decides to push her, it’s already too late and something bad has happened and it’s his fault and Gert- 

“And before you start freaking out...” she says, putting an end to his downward spiral. “I’m fine. It’s not the end of the world, okay. I’m just sleepy that’s it.” 

If he wanted to push he’d bring up the fact that she’s always sleepy lately. She’s always tired except at night when everyone else is asleep and she’s pacing around their bedroom like a ghost, making the floorboards creak as she sneaks downstairs. He’d bring up the fact that his side of the mattress is actually starting to sink because she’s never next to him like she’s supposed to be, balancing everything out. 

But he doesn’t want to push her. 

Instead, he just says, “I’m worried about you.” 

Gert rolls her eyes, clears her throat. “What did I just say?” She whispers, passes it off with a little laugh but her eyes won’t meet his. “There’s nothing for you to worry about.” 

“Gert, I’m always going to worry about you,” he says, let’s it out with a breath he’s been holding for god knows how long. If she thinks it’s cheesy she doesn’t say. Chase scoffs, “and don’t worry it’s not because I think you can’t take care of yourself or anything like that... it’s for completely selfish reasons,” he says, because if anything she’s the one always taking care of him, helping him put the pieces back together. “Selfish like that I _need_ you to be okay. If you’re not okay I’m not okay.” 

She’s smiling at him again, silently running her fingers over his cheek and cupping it in her hand. “I am okay,” she tells him, and he wants so badly to believe her when she’s looking at him like that. “I‘ve just been having some dumb nightmares... but it’s been getting better lately. I promise I’m going to be okay.” 

“You’re a bad liar.” 

Gert swallows, nods her head slowly. “I know,” she whispers, relaxes into him. “But just tonight, can’t we just pretend that I’m actually athe best one you've ever met?” 

“Gert-“ 

“I’m not ready to pick this wound yet,” she whispers, and she’s not looking at him on purpose now, avoiding his eyes to hide whatever’s on her face. “Please just trust me when I say, the second I’m ready to talk about it you’ll be the one I’m talking to.” 

Chase nods, leans down to kiss her forehead and she breathes him it. 

“Honestly,” Gert says, “I just wanna lie here with you, okay? That always helps. _You_ do.”

* * *

Chase is supposed to be working on rebuilding and improving his fistigons. Not that he really needs them anymore, but he was hoping to have them working again as soon as possible, just in case. 

Because anything is possible with this being their lives and all. 

So he’s _supposed_ to be working on them. Except that he can’t find an open-ended wrench anywhere and so instead of working he’s turning his desk upside down trying to find one because he _knows_ they have one. 

He’s so caught up in almost tearing a drawer apart that he doesn’t notice Karolina coming in behind him, nearly jumps when she mutters an excited “Hey!”

“Jesus, Karolina!” he shouts, drops the excess of miscellaneous items he’s holding onto the ground, almost stabs his foot with a screwdriver. 

“Sorry,” she says, shrugs and sits down at the desk with a peach in her hand, bites into it and watches him fumble around trying to pick everything up. 

“Don’t worry,” he deadpans, drops some things onto the desk next to her. “I’ve got it.” 

Karolina stares at him incredulously. “I’m not the one who dropped them.”

"You're the one who made me drop them," Chase sighs, rolls his eyes. Karolina just shrugs. “Is there a reason you’re here?” 

“Nope,” Karolina says, takes a bite of her peach and holds up a tool to examine before putting it back down. “I’m supposed to be helping Molly cook dinner but she kicked me out of the kitchen so…”

“So you figured you’d just annoy me instead.” 

“Well I wasn't expecting you to be such a dick about it,” Karolina snorts. 

"Sorry," Chase mumbles, lets out a deep breath as he picks up the last few items. 

“I’m actually here to talk to you.” He looks at her pointedly asks _really?_ with his face and Karoline nods, smiles like she knows something he doesn’t. 

She doesn’t say anything so he bites. “About what?” 

“About Gert...” she chirps. She says Gert’s name the way Chase always thinks it, with wonder and awe and a four-letter-word that is so overwhelming it scares him sometimes. In the best way. “She mentioned something about a date that may or may not be happening tomorrow.” 

“Did she?” Chase hears himself ask, because he can’t think of anything else, because he’s not sure what her angle is here only that she definitely has one. He knows that because he’s known her since they were four years old and he knows when she’s up to something. 

Karolina nods, and he murmurs, “Yeah, yeah, we’re going out… on a date I guess.” 

“ _You're_ nervous,” Karolina laughs, and he feels flushed already. She watches him amusedly and he decides that if he focuses on looking for the stupid wrench then this will be over sooner. 

“No,” he says, does his best to sound convincing to Karolina, to himself, but the look on her face tells him that it’s not even slightly working. He drops his shoulders defeatedly, sits down next to her. “Of course I’m nervous,” he says, let’s out a deep breath he’s been holding. 

“Why?” She says softly. “It’s Gert.” If that’s supposed to help him it doesn’t, just reminds him why he’s so nervous in the first place. 

It’s Gert and there's so much history there, it’s Gert and he’s so in love her he can’t see straight sometimes, it’s Gert and there’s no one who deserves at least one perfect night more than she does. 

“I know,” is all he ends up saying. He’s playing with a variety of tools in front of him so that he doesn’t have to look at her. “And I love her. But we’ve just never done anything like this before you know?” 

"You love her?" Karolina asks, soft and excited. Karolina offers him a warm smile, and he’s hit with a sudden thought that he’s always liked her smile. It’s always been comforting and welcoming, made him believe everything was going to be okay, ever since they were kids. That feeling that he associates with her is part of what drew him to her when their group started coming together again after Amy, when they found out their parents were monsters. He needed to feel like everything was going to be okay and so he confused the fact that Karolina made him feel like everything was going to be okay with him liking her. 

And now he wishes he hadn’t wasted both of their time, wishes she would’ve expressed exactly how uninterested she was in him earlier. Because now they’re friends and he likes it so much better that way, likes exactly where they are right now. 

Chase nods, feels himself smiling without even meaning too. "Yeah." _Obviously_. 

Karolina laughs then and he thinks it’s cruel and unnecessary. She could least pretend to empathize. “Chase, you guys have survived so much already, I’m pretty sure you can make it through a first date.” 

“Yeah,” he breathes. “You’re probably right.” 

“So, where are you taking her?” 

Chase snorts. “Ha!” He says, still laughing. Karolina glares at him but Chase just shakes his head. “There’s no way I’m telling you.” 

“Why not?” Karolina says. He looks at and she’s looking back at him with her arms folded in front of her, one eyebrow raised and a confused smile on her face.

“It's supposed to be a surprise, and I know where your loyalties lie, Dean.” It’s true. He knows that if Gert wanted to she could get almost anything out of Karolina— maybe because she’s probably the most persuasive person he’s ever met, maybe because Karolina is a horrible liar, either way, if he tells her what he has planned there’s no way that it’s staying between them. 

“I can keep a secret!” Karolina says stands up, moves away from his desk and ends up knocking down nearly everything on it. 

She sounds about as convincing as she looks. 

“Sorry,” she mutters when she sees the mess she’s made, hears the crashing of metal against decade-old floorboards all over again. 

“It’s fine,” he says, bends down to pick up everything she’s dropped and right there at the epicenter of her mess is the wrench he’s been searching for. He picks it up and puts it in his pocket, hopes he won’t lose it again somehow because he’s getting tired and frustrated. 

“Fine,” She says with a sigh. “But then you’re just not going to get any advice from me.” 

“I think I’ll survive.” 

Karolina scoffs, “you’re _such_ a dick.” 

“I’m okay with that,” Chase says, mocks modesty and he can tell Karolina’s not having any of it. 

It isn’t until the floor’s cleared of the havoc they’ve wreaked onto it that he realizes the fistigons aren’t even here. He must’ve forgotten them in Gert’s room when he went up there to look for the wrench. 

“I’m gonna go grab the fistigons,” he tells Karolina. “And check on Gert, I think she said was gonna take a nap.” 

“She’s gone on a supply run with Nico.” 

“Oh,” he says, to fill the silence more than anything because it’s not what he wants to say. 

“Everything okay?” She asks. 

“Yeah, I think so.” _No_. “I’m hoping so, anyway.” 

He’s hoping that it’s less than he’s making it out to be in his head, the fact that it’s been three days since Gert has actually had a full night of sleep. 

And he realizes that he probably _is_ being paranoid and blowing things out of proportion but there’s still the tiniest possibility that he’s _not_. That something is actually going on and he’s just standing idle while Gert goes through it all on her own. 

Just the thought alone is enough to make him feel sick to his stomach. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Karolina asks, and he does, he really does, but she’s not the person he needs to be talking about it with. 

“Not really,” he mutters, shaking his head. “Not yet, anyway. But thank you... for the offer.” 

“Of course,” Karolina smiles and it’s warm and reassuring and kind of tricks him into thinking everything is going to be okay. She moves away from her place leaning against the car then, tells him, “I should probably go make sure Molly isn’t burning the house down trying to make dinner. Wanna join?” 

“I actually need to finish this,” he says, pulls the wrench out of his pocket and waves it in front of her. “But maybe when I’m done.” 

Karolina nods, starts for the door but she turns on her heels and deadpans, “Thanks for spilling absolutely nothing.” 

* * *

Molly hates running, she does, hates it with a burning passion. 

She especially hates running when it’s six in the morning and she’s in the middle of a dream where she’s flying over a sunflower field only to be interrupted by Gert banging on her door begging her to join her for a run. 

And it would be one thing if it were just down the street but it’s not. Apparently, Gert wants to spend today, of all days, exploring every inch of the hills surrounding them. 

Old Lace leads them through the woods, runs between tall trees and thorned bushes as the sun peaks through a sea of clouds and turns what looks like the entire world a golden strawberry color. Molly follows, not far behind, with Gert at her side, an MP3 player in her pocket, blaring muddled pop songs to hype them up— because apparently, it doesn’t matter that their runaway lifestyle is being funded they’re all still just not getting smartphones, despite Molly’s protests. 

Gert is surprisingly fast. Molly doesn’t remember her ever being this quick before. On the rare occasion that they’d go for a run on the beach together, Gert was never as fast as she is now. Molly can’t pinpoint why. Maybe it’s Old Lace rubbing off on her, maybe it’s all the running for their lives they’ve had to do recently. 

They run and run and run until they’re so far from the hostel that Molly isn’t even sure which direction they came from. They come to a standstill when they hit the edge of a cliff, nothing but rocks and trees waiting below them. It’s almost all worth it when the sun starts rising, though. It looks like a star emerging from the ground, lighting up everything in sight, blanketing Los Angeles in a golden haze. 

“Look, I love you,” Molly says when they finally stop to catch their breaths and take in the view. She sits down on a big rock nearby, empties half of her water bottle and turns back to Gert. “But if you ever make me do this again, I’m disowning you as my sister.” 

Gert rolls her eyes, sticks her tongue out at her. “I’ll just sic Old Lace on you in retaliation then.” Old Lace emerges from some bushes behind them at the sound of her name, walks over to them before sitting down to rest in front of Molly. 

Gert looks at them wide-eyed and Molly giggles. “I think she’s taking my side in the break-up.” 

Gert scoffs, sits down next to Molly and glances at Old Lace. “You do know you’re supposed to be _my_ dinosaur, right?” 

Old Lace just shuts her eyes, lowering her head, and it sends both of them into a fit of giggles, laughing controllably at nothing at all.

Molly doesn’t remember the last time she laughed this hard. It was probably with Gert, too. Gert is magical like that, she makes everything that’s bad just disappear. She makes Molly feel like she’s always six years old and playing with Gert’s barbie dolls and their half-shaven heads or hair dyed green with food coloring. 

“So, um,” Gert starts, a little nervous. “I’ve got some news.” 

“Ooh, are we finally redecorating like I’ve been asking since _forever_?” Molly asks even though she knows that’s probably not it. 

“Not yet, Molls,” Gert says, but she’s smiling and it’s something. 

“Then what is it?” Her mind runs over every possibility, anything there is. Maybe Gert’s finally going to let her drive or maybe she’s getting a bigger room or— 

For one horrifying moment, she thinks this it. The moment she knows they’ve all been waiting for but she’s been trying her best to pretend is never going to come.

As if reading her mind, Gert whispers, “It’s nothing bad.” Molly breathes a sigh in relief and Gert squeezes her hand as if to say _I’m here. I’ve got you._ Because that’s definitely what it means and she’s been saying it with her eyes for as long as Molly can remember, since she was four years old and living in a new house with her cool, older best friend. 

“I got wait-listed,” Gert says. For a second Molly has no idea what she’s talking about is to ask her to clarify when she remembers that Gert was supposed to hear back from UCLA this week. “Apparently, my application can’t be reviewed until I’ve gotten my diploma. So, I won't be able to go there. At least not _this_ fall.” 

“Aren’t you like, in the middle of working toward it?” 

Gert’s been taking online classes, studying from cheap textbooks they find in damp boxes in the back of different thrift stores. Molly doesn’t understand it if she’s being honest because, maybe it’s just the kid in her talking but, she’s glad they never have to step foot into a school ever again. She gets that it’s like, Gert’s dream, and everything, but honestly now that Molly knows what she’s capable of she can’t imagine ever going back. 

Not when she knows she can lift a car over her head using just her bare hands. Not when she’s an actual superhero now. Not when she could literally save the world if she wanted to. Again. 

“Well yeah,” Gert explain, hums softly in response. “I mean, I’ve done a few classes, but they can’t really accept me in until I’m completely done with it.” 

“Oh,” Molly says with a sigh, drops her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Gert, I know how much you wanted this.” 

Molly offers her a small smile as Old Lace lifts her head up and shifts towards them, bringing it down onto Gert’s lap with a satisfied hum. Gert strokes the back of her head, smiles back at Molly just as wide. 

“I’ll just finish my online classes and then apply next semester,” Gert says, presses her lips into a thin line. If it’s supposed to sound convincing, it doesn’t. Especially since Molly knows how much Gert has been looking forward to regaining some semblance of normal after everything they’ve been through. She’s wanted this for so long, before they even became runaways, as long as Molly can remember. 

“I’m still really sorry,” Molly whispers, leans over and pulls her sister in for a hug, trying to comfort Gert the same way she’d done for her a million times before. 

“Me too,” Gert mumbles, curls her lips downward for a second and then she’s smiling again. 

“It’s gonna be okay, though. This just means I get to spend more time with you before I have to like... start going to classes and writing exams and all of that.” 

Molly can’t fight back her grin then. “We’re gonna have so much fun,” she tells Gert. “Alex just bought a new game and it looks kind of lame but I was planning to play with him. I guess now that you're going to be home, I’ll just hijack it and sneak into your room. You’re a better opponent, anyway.” 

They’ll probably have to kick Chase out, though, Molly thinks, because he’s pretty much set up camp in there with Gert. Or maybe he can stay, actually. Gert is always at least ten percent happier when he’s around.

“That sounds perfect,” Gert smiles. The sun is fully visible now, even through the trees. It’s big and golden and halfway up in the sky. 

“Have you told the others yet?” 

Gert shakes her head. “I will. Eventually. But it’s just not that big of a deal. It shouldn’t— it doesn’t change anything.”

* * *

It‘s Friday and Gert is nervous. 

She doesn’t even understand why, if she’s being honest, at least not admittedly. 

It’s the first time she and Chase are going on a date, an actual date, and she shouldn’t be nervous because it’s Chase and they’ve been together for so long now and they share a bedroom and she’s known him her whole life but it’s still _Chase_. Chase who she’s basically been in love with for her entire life, who’s been her best friend for even longer, Chase who makes her feel like she’s on fire every time he kisses her. 

Everything about it makes her nervous and terrified and overjoyed. 

It doesn’t help that Chase refuses to tell her where they’re going. She can’t decide whether to dress formally or casual, eventually just settles on somewhere in the middle— a dress she steals from Karolina’s closet that slips off her shoulders and makes her feel like she’s invincible. 

And no, she tells the little Molly voice in her head, she did not put on this dress and these heels and this lipstick _for_ him. She did it because she looks good and feels good in it, and if Chase happens to appreciate it, then that’s just an added bonus. 

“Hey,” she hears him say and she can feel butterflies everywhere. His voice changes like it always does when it’s just the two of them, alone together, like everything that leaves his lips is a secret that only they’re in on. 

It makes everything sound sacred, it makes her feel like nothing else does. 

She’s still busy staring at herself in the mirror, trying to slow her heartbeat down enough that it doesn’t end up killing her. Chase is distracted trying to find something in his pockets, absently searching through them when she whispers a soft, “Hi.” 

“You ready to go?” He asks, all warm and excited. Her cheeks look red in the mirror, and it’s only partly because she used a little too much of Nico’s blush. He’s wearing a pair of jeans that look the same as every single one he owns and a plain white t-shirt and honestly, fuck him, for not even trying and still making her feel like she’s going to turn into jelly just looking at him. 

“Yeah I think so,” she says, brushes past him to grab her jacket from the closet. “I just need to— what?” 

He’s looking at her funny, head tilted and mouth slightly agape and she’s biting down on her bottom lip trying to hold back a grin. 

“Nothing, I, ” Chase says with a small laugh. His cheeks are blushing red and his hands holding onto hers, spinning her around slightly so she’s looking at him again. His eyes look golden and like they’re trying to memorize her. Gert feels herself blushing. Yep, definitely just an added bonus. _Liar_ , she hears Molly say. “It’s... you look, wow. You look _hot_.” 

Gert smiles, sucks in a deep breath and inches closer to him slowly. His fingers are running up and down the warm skin of her inner forearm and it’s making her feel a little dizzy, her thoughts slowly becoming one big tangle of words that don’t make any sense. “Well, so do you,” she manages to get out, but hot doesn’t even begin to describe it. 

Not when he’s this fucking gorgeous. 

“I’m serious,” Chase says, his voice just above a whisper. He drops his head, moves so close that she can feel him breathing warm, so close she can breathe him in herself. He smells like cologne, and not the kind that Molly picked up from 7/11 which is usually colored and fruity, the annoyingly good kind. The kind that someone who looks the way that he does shouldn’t be allowed to pull off based only on the fact that it gives him to much power. 

“Me too,” she says softly, tilts the corner of her lips upward. Chase moves the hair out of her face, rests his forehead against hers without saying a word. 

Gert feels like a coward because she can’t seem to say the words she wants to say more than anything even standing here with him alone and silent and dizzy— she loves him so much it makes her heart hurt sometimes just thinking about it. But it’s not exactly like she’s had the best frame of reference, she’s never been in love before, has no idea what it’s supposed to feel like. 

That’s a lie. 

She knows it is because this feels like love. It feels like they’re the only two people in the entire world who will ever matter. It feels like love and if this moment in all its mind-numbing glory isn’t love then she can’t imagine what love might feel like, how epically it would destroy her. 

She’s definitely a coward. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t go out at all,” Chase says, and his voice is low and cracking and Gert has to remind herself to suck in a breath. “There are so many more fun things we could be doing right now,” he breathes into her hair, and she can already feel her weak excuse for a resolve slipping, melting into his arms. 

Gert leans into him, tilts her head just a fraction more and he's smiling against her lips when she kisses him, beats him to it because he’s taking too long and she’s getting impatient and has she mentioned that he looks gorgeous? 

Gert laughs, kisses him quickly and takes his hand in her own, pulls him toward the door with her. "Don’t even joke about that,” she says and he already looks defeated, it’s dumb and melodramatic and cute. “This house is feeling smaller and smaller every day. Let’s go!” 

They don’t really say anything on the drive to where ever it is he’s taking her, nothing important anyway, dumb pointless trivial things so that they don’t have to stop talking to one another. 

Mostly it’s just Gert complaining because she doesn’t recognize where they’re going, driving down streets she doesn’t remember ever going on but still look strangely familiar. 

_Where they're going_ turns out to be the carnival. 

She finally realizes where they are when she catches sight of the colorful arena, a kaleidoscope of colors and shapes and feelings that she can’t seem to escape because, _of_ _course_ , he’d bring her here. 

It was their favorite place to go as kids, miles on end of atomic red stripes, the scent of dangerously heavily buttered popcorn and sweet cotton candy thick and mesmerizing in the air. They’d always come here together, all of them, they’d run around for hours, play every game they could to see who was the ultimate best at them (answer: Amy, most of the time, but sometimes Gert would get almost as many wins as her) and never want to leave. 

After, when the last few spotlights were shutting off and all the vendors were disappearing and they were still dancing in the magic of the night, they would decide they needed to have a sleepover and all clamber into sleeping bags in the living room of whoever’s house they decided to invite themselves into. They’d make plans to stay up all night, to watch as many scary movies as possible and revel in the high of the night, and then they’d get home and Molly, Alex, and Nico would always be conked out already. 

So it would be just her, Karolina, Amy and Chase, talking about things that didn’t matter like which flavor of sherbet powder is the best and what they had they for breakfast, playing truth or dare, laughing until it hurt, until eventually, it was just her and Chase. 

Most of the time they would just continue the same line of thought, but sometimes if they were at her house then she’d take him to her bedroom and they’d sit on her bed and play with the little projector Dale had gotten her, making stars appear on the ceiling and floors and everywhere really. Gert would complain to him about literally everything because Chase was always the best listener. Chase would complain about her beating him at all the games and Gert would call him a sore loser and stick her tongue out at him and then he’d do it back and they’d continue making faces at each other but not really meaning it until they fell asleep. 

Apparently, he’s just as bad a loser because they go to the shooting gallery and she _decimates_ him and he won’t shut up about it. 

“You just got lucky,” Chase says, pulls her out of her train of thought, and she wants to take him seriously, she does, but it's hard to when he’s grinning like that and his hands feel warm in her own.

“All six times?” Gert asks with a laugh. 

The sun is setting behind them, leaving them in nothing but the blanket of bleak rainbow light coming from the colored spotlights. When Chase comes to a dramatic stop in front of her, they’re standing under a red one. It mixes with the sunset and turns everything a fiery orange. 

“Maybe you’re _cheating_ , then.” He huffs a laugh, shifting closer to her. He’s got so many stuffed animals in his hands that he can barely hold them all up. Gert’s favorite is a big blue teddy bear that _she_ just won and is already planning on giving to Molly. She’ll probably give them all to Molly, let her use them to make her room look brighter or provide her with some deeper sense of comfort and security or both. 

Gert stares at him incredulously then, gasps and holds a hand to her chest like she’s been mortally wounded. She can’t hold in it for long, though, laughs again, because he’s pouting now and it’s cute and she’s definitely done for. Of course, she won’t give him the satisfaction of letting him _know_ any of that. “And ruin that sanctity of the shooting gallery?” Chase rolls his eyes so she bats her eyelashes at him and makes her eyes voice as sweet as she can. It’s enough to make him go quiet, enough to give her the upper hand long enough to inch closer. 

“Please,” She says, softly. She isn’t even sure what she’s saying or if he’s listening because Chase meets her eyes, smiles a kind of secret smile and suddenly the moment feels so much more intimate. Her throat feels dry and she can’t pull her eyes off him, doesn’t want to. Just wants to stay in here in the middle of everything with him looking at her like _that_. She swallows. “Just admit that you’re a sore loser.” 

He’s looking at her all wide-eyes again and she’s waiting for him to do something about it but he’s barely moving. So she does. 

She tugs on his hand and he falls forward just a fraction, enough that she can easily grab the collar of his jacket and pull him in, sending a stuffed giraffe tumbling to the ground in her haste, kissing him so intensely she feels like she’s definitely going to come out of it dizzy, like the tilt-a-whirl has nothing on Chase Stein and this kiss is proof. 

He tastes like the cotton candy they’re sharing. The butterflies she’s been feeling all night are back and they’re going insane. They’re back and feeling just like the butterflies she felt when she was eight and Alex snickered and dared Chase to kiss her before she ran away from them, the butterflies she felt when the world was ending and it was all she could do to not leave him thunderstruck in the middle of a crowded gymnasium. They’re back with a vengeance and she’s screwed. 

Chase breaks away first, takes the air from her lungs with him. She’s too stunned and dizzy to talk but he says, “I’m not going anywhere until I win you the big pink dinosaur.” He says it stubbornly, with his lips tilted up and his eyes glowing red and purple from the lights changing color above them. 

Gert swallows. “Why don’t we just ride the Ferris wheel instead?” She asks, drops her shoulders defeatedly but Chase doesn’t look like he’s budging. 

“Nope.” 

“Chase,” she mumbles in protest, but he’s already holding her hand and starting to walk. “Wait,” she huffs and he stops again, stands right next to her. “What the hell are we going to do with this _farm_ worth of stuffed animals?” She asks even though she knows the answer: Old lace is going to tear them apart before they even make it into the house, because, apparently, deinonychus is just another word for giant dog.

Chase just shrugs. 

* * *

They don’t go back to the shooting gallery. Instead, they spend a good ten minutes arguing about whether to go see a fortune teller or ride the Ferris wheel.

They end up rock, paper, scissors-ing it because Chase thinks fortune tellers are creepy and he doesn’t want to know anything about the future— he’s heard enough about the hellish one he just barely escaped from to last him a lifetime— and Gert is against anything having to do even remotely with Ferris wheel because she’s still terrified of heights even though it’s eight years later and he’s still promising that he’ll hold her hand, that he’s got her. 

Ferris wheel wins. 

“There’s no way I’m going up there.” 

She’s standing with her arms folded and her lips turned into a pout and he wants to walk over and kiss it right off her face, wants to show her just how much he loves her, but technically it’s still their first date and he’s got a whole thing planned. “Why not?” He shifts closer. 

“I don’t know,” Gert deadpans. “Maybe because I like _not_ swinging thirty feet off the ground. I like not falling even more.” 

“That is _so_ not thirty feet.” 

“That is _soo_ , not my point.” She says, does a horrible impression of him and he can’t tell if it’s horrible on purpose or not. 

“Gert,” he says, and she looks back at him a little awestruck but even more annoyed. “You have to,” he says, takes her hand because he doesn’t remember letting go of it and he still regrets it. 

“Paper beats rock.” 

Gert doesn’t move. 

“Come on, I’ve got you,” he says softly, can hear someone singing something into a microphone in the distance, it’s fast and loud and he wishes it could really just be the two of them, not only _feel_ like it. 

She smiles at him then. She kisses his cheek and her lips feel soft and warm and like they should be somewhere else altogether. “Babe-” 

Chase cuts her off, asks her, “You’re not going to regret it, okay? I promise you.” Gert still seems skeptical, she’s looking at him all concerned and contemplate-y with a cute crease between her brows that she's been wearing 24/7 and as usual, he can’t tell if that means something good or bad. “The fireworks are going to start soon.” 

He knows he’s won then because the fireworks were always Gert’s favorite. Always. She’d always been afraid of the Ferris wheel but obsessed with fireworks and the compromise had been to sneak up one of the buildings nearby and watch them from the roof. Consequently, they’d end up getting grounded afterward but it would all be worth it to watch the colorful explosions of light, let alone with Gert who has pretty much always been his favorite person on the face of the earth. 

“Fine,” she says finally, gives in with a drop of her shoulders and a smile on her face. 

It doesn’t take long to get into a shaky cart. Surprisingly, especially considering how loud and crowded it is, there's no queue for the Ferris wheel. Within a couple of minutes, they‘re seated on the ride and moving round, Gert focusing more on squeezing his hand, on stopping herself from looking down than on admiring the idyllic view of the festival with all its bright lights and hypnotic colors. 

The park is loud and dark now, the sky twilit and the ground below them a glowing rainbow.

Ferris wheel wins. 

Except, he’s starting to think it might not actually be a win per se because they’re at the highest point of the wheel and it’s freezing and he can't really think straight. Although that’s probably got to do more with Gert being here than it does their current situation. 

Not that he can appreciate any of it actually, not that he can do much of anything besides stare at Gert like she’s the only thing that’s worth looking at because she is. He hasn’t been able to think straight all night and she’s the reason why. 

She’s still holding on to his hand and he can feel both of their hearts racing, faster and faster and- 

And the cart they’re in comes to an extremely rough standstill. 

And then they’re stuck. 

“We’re gonna die,” Gert says, but even as she’s saying it her voice sounds surprisingly calm and even. “We’re gonna die,” she echoes. “And it’s all your fault.” She reaches over to punch his shoulder but it’s making the cart swing so Chase catches her hand in his, holds it steady and frozen in place for a minute before he lowers both of their hands, doesn’t let go of hers. 

“Sorry,” he whispers, swallows just as the fireworks go off. 

It’s an explosion of stardust, colorful strobes of light diverging like shooting stars and he wants to make a wish, wants to wish for this night to never end, wants to wish he can stay here just a little longer, hopelessly in love with his high school sweetheart and as far away from the existential problems that await them back at the hostel. 

The crackers stop going off and the lights fizzle down. And then it’s just him and Gert and he’s thinking yeah, the lights were pretty and all, but they can’t even hold a candle to her. 

Not when she’s here, in that dress, eyes reflecting moonlight in them, smiling at him like they’re in on a secret. She looks otherworldly, hypnotizing in a way he can’t describe, isn’t even sure the words exist. 

God, he loves her. 

He would tell her as much if he wasn’t so sure that it would scare her, make her feel like she had to say it back— she doesn’t. He’s not expecting that, he knows she still needs time. It doesn’t matter, anyway, well of course it does but it’s not like he loves her because she might love him back. He loves her because it’s all he knows how to do at this point, now that he knows he loves her he can’t seem to pinpoint a single moment since he’s met where he didn’t. 

“What are you thinking about?” Gert asks, and her voice is so soft it sounds like honey. She’s feeling more comfortable up here now, has her arm dangling over the railing and she’s turned to face him. 

“You.” She looks caught off guard by it, takes a second to suck in a deep breath and then she’s leaning over to kiss him, hard and fast and he feels like they’re going to fall out of the sky from the strength of it. 

Gert smells like the peaches and cream body wash she keeps next to his, and it’s intoxicating. She inches forward, kisses him up against the edge of the cart and he’s breathless and shaking and he feels so incredibly drunk even though Gert said no for drinks because it’s their first real date and she doesn’t want to ‘spend tomorrow morning feeling like she’s going to die.’ 

She pulls back to catch her breath and as soon as she does, Chase’s lips move down, onto her neck as his hands snake around her waist and he thinks this would all be so much easier if they weren’t currently in a swinging box in the sky. Gert lets out a moan as she feels his lips move over her collar bone, her head tilting back and there’s no way this is fair. No way she’s allowed to do things like that when he can already hardly breathe. 

He can feel her turning, trying to get even closer when they’re torn apart by a loud metal whirring noise before they start moving again. Coming closer and closer to the ground and when he looks at Gert she’s adjusting the sleeves of her dress, blushing to match it and he knows that he is too. 

The get to the bottom and the kid operating looks completely uninterested when he asks, “You guys have a good time?” 

Chase doesn’t say anything, still trying to catch his breath. He hears her mumble a stifled, “Yeah.” 

When they’re a few feet away from the ride and the commotion that comes with it, Gert stops right in front of him, so close that she’s all he can see and she leans in. “We should, uh, get out of here,” she whispers against his ear. Her voice has a rasp to it and her eyes look darker than they did before and he can’t breathe. “Maybe go somewhere... _quiet_.” 

Chase swallows. “Yeah,” he says softly, “Yeah definitely, I know just the place.” 

* * *

“Hey, you busy?” 

Alex’s eyes shoot up at the sound of Nico’s voice, follow the sound to the entrance of his room where she’s standing hand in hand with Karolina, a tray of store-bought cookies in her other hand as a peace offering. 

“Kind of,” he says, so they just stand in the doorway, don’t move forward or retreat, just kind of teeter on the threshold waiting for an invitation. “Just trying to connect this to my computer.” He holds up a big metal box and Nico has no idea what it is but she nods like she does and so does Karolina. “My old hard drive must have blown in the middle of... everything, I guess, but I finally got around to getting a new one.” 

“Want some company?” Karolina asks then, carefully snatches the tray of cookies from Nico’s hand and holds it out to him. “We brought cookies,” she chirps with a little dance that’s the cutest thing Nico has ever seen and she’s reminded of just how much she loves her girlfriend. 

It’s _so_ freaking much. 

“Yeah, sure,” Alex says, steals a cookie off the plate before Karolina has even put it down. He looks at them newly confused once they’re inside, “wait, aren’t you two supposed to be babysitting?”

“Umm, that didn’t go so great,” Nico says. 

For one, Molly did not appreciate them using the term babysitting. _At all._ Because she’s fourteen and ‘capable of being in the house without burning it to the ground.’ And two: once she calmed down, Molly was quite possibly the most boring person to babysit, especially when they’re living in an abandoned underground mansion, because all she does is lounge around and watch cartoons and eat combinations of food that should, by all logic, be slowly and surely killing her. 

Like, _seriously_ , who dips Cheetos into peanut butter? 

“Molly’s asleep now, though,” Karolina says, breathes a sigh in relief that matches Nico’s. “And Old Lace is gone hunting... I think.” She pauses. “She might’ve actually run away from home.” 

Nico rolls her eyes and Alex huffs a little laugh at her attempt. “What are we doing?” Nico asks, gestures to the aforementioned metal box that Alex is tinkering with. 

“Well since there aren’t any available ports left here I just need to adjust the software to link up with this one,” Nico notes that his description is short and he doesn’t use any big, long, Gert-type words, probably in an attempt to make sure they actually understand what he’s saying. It’s sweet. 

Only problem is that it doesn’t stick. 

“Okay, I understood _none_ of that.” 

“Me neither.”

Alex sighs, rolls his eyes and looks about as annoyed as he always does, maybe more. “Maybe you guys should just tell me why you’re actually here then and stop pretending like you came here to talk about my computer.” 

He makes sure to use ‘my computer’ and not whatever name he’s surely given it because last time he did that they all had to sit through an hour-long PowerPoint presentation on why naming things that can be owned after women is one of the root causes of modern of sexism, courtesy of Gert, of course. 

“Busted,” Karolina whispers. 

Nico glances between her and Alex, rolls her eyes. “What are you talking about? We love hard drives.” She only hears it once they’re both laughing and then she’s glaring at the both of them. “Okay that’s not what I meant, you perverts!” 

Karolina giggles then, looks at her while she’s grinning and it makes her heart go crazy. “Yours is the only one who’s mind went there, babe.” 

Alex is still laughing when he takes another bite of his cookie. Nico picks up a pillow from his bed and tosses it across the room, hits his shoulder instead of his face but it’s still worth it. “You know what?” she says “You both suck. I should have just third wheeled Gert and Chase on their clandestine date.” 

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea they’ve been extra... _insufferable_ lately,” Alex says, means that in the last few weeks they’ve become basically attached at the hip and it’s starting to get on everyone’s nerves just how unbearable cute they are. 

“You’re probably right,” Nico concedes. 

She’s honestly just happy that they aren’t spending their date night here or else, with walls these thin, she’d be having nightmares for weeks to come. 

Alex grimaces then, pulls his face like he would rather be anywhere else on the planet rather than having a conversation their friends’ sex lives and honestly so would she. “You know, I’m starting to regret letting you two in.” 

“Starting to regret coming in,” Nico murmurs and Karolina scoffs. 

Karolina clears her throat then, swallows thickly and Nico grabs onto her hand just to remind her that she’s here. “The reason we did is actually that,” she starts and Alex laughs to himself. “We wanted to check up on you.” 

And it doesn’t sound as disastrous or paranoia induced as it feels when Karolina says it like that. Karolina makes everything seem better than it is. 

“So this is an intervention?” 

“Yes,” Nico sighs and Karolina stares at with her wide eyes so she decides to backtrack. “No... It’s not we just... Dude, we know you keep saying you’re okay, but it kinda seems like you’re spiraling.” 

“Yeah?” He says and it sounds kind of strangled, small and soft and just _not him_ and now she feels like shit because the last thing she wanted to do was make him feel worse. 

“Look,” Karolina says. She’s smiling a little and it’s so calming, makes Nico feel like she can actually catch her breath, form a thought that doesn’t make her sound even a little like an asshole. “This isn’t an ambush. We just wanted to let you know that we are here if— _when_ — you need to talk.” 

Nico nods along with her. “Alex, you’re part of this family. We want you to be okay.“ 

She thinks he might snap then, he looks like his head is spinning and the wheels are veering on full speed. But he doesn’t, just drops his shoulders and clears his throat. “I ummm... I _am_ okay,” he tells them. Nico can tell Karolina wants to believe him just as badly as she does by the way her grip on her hand loosens slightly. “I think.” 

He swallows. “I’m just different. I’m not the same as I was before.” 

Before she got him pulled into his worst memory and forced him to live their alone for months. 

“Of course not,” Karolina breathes and it’s a good thing she does because Nico can’t think of a single thing to say that’s not _I’m sorry_ or _it's my fault_. “I can’t even imagine what you went through.” 

“See that’s the thing, though.” He _sounds_ different. Not like the kid who was would gang up on her with Amy and beat her at Uno every single time they played it without fail. “I wasn’t the one going through anything. I wasn’t the one who got hurt... I _did_ the hurting. I’m not the same as I was before and that’s definitely a bad thing.” 

Nico still isn’t sure of the specifics of what he went through in there but she knows it was bad. Really bad. She knows AWOL was there, and so were Darius and his mom. 

She knows he and Gert are up at dawn watching tv in the room next to hers because they’re both so haunted by everything that they’re afraid to blink. 

“Yeah, you are. In the ways that count, at least.” 

“I don’t feel like it,” he sighs. The hard drive he was working on has long since been discarded. Now he’s just playing with the screwdriver mindlessly, etching something into the table. “I don’t even recognize myself.”

“Alex-“ she starts but he cuts her off with his head shaking. 

“No,” he says and she wishes she could erase every single thing he had to go through in the last few years, starting with Amy, make it disappear just like that. The Yorkes’ might have been into something with their whole mind-wiping drug thing. “The things it made me do... what if I really am becoming a monster?” 

“You’re not,” Karolina says, beats her to it. “You’re not a monster.” 

“You’re not a monster,” Nico echoes. “Okay? Like seriously, you of all people? You’re a nerd, you’re insufferable, yeah. But you’re not a monster.” She’s smiling a little, hopes it translates what she wants to say and it must work because he looks a little less freaked out than he did a second ago. 

But Karolina’s looking at her with eyes wide and eyebrows raised. “What?” 

“You could’ve said it nicer,” she groans but she’s fighting back a smile so it doesn’t have all the effect it’s supposed to. 

“What?” She groans. “He got the point-“ she tilts her head to look at Alex. He nods. “See. And I said it all out of love.” 

“Right,” Karolina says but she sounds entirely unconvinced. 

It doesn’t matter, though, because Alex’s lips are curled up again and he’s back to playing with whatever the hell he’s working on and it kind of feels like everything is okay, even if just for a minute. 

* * *

Gert follows him all the way to the car wordlessly, doesn’t let go of his hand until they’re standing in an empty parking lot and he’s unlocking the car. Chase opens his door to climb in but when he turns around he sees that Gert hasn’t moved. She’s standing by the hood of the car, following him with her eyes. 

“What?” He asks, clears his throat. 

“Chase, we are not having sex in the backseat of your car,” she says unblinkingly, folds her arms in front of her chest but moves closer still. “Like, I know we ticked off a lot of big cliche boxes tonight but this is...” 

It’s cute. She’s biting her lip, too, and it looks swollen from that or from ten minutes ago when he had _his_ lips on it.

“We’re not... ” he says, walks away from the open door to where she’s standing in front of hers now and opens it for her. “I mean that’s not... We’re going somewhere.” 

“Oh,” she says, let’s out a little breath and climbs into the car after him. “Where are we going then?” 

Before he can respond, she says, “Wait no, let me guess, it’s a surprise?” 

They’re going to a hotel. One with a room booked under his name, roses and sparkling cider waiting upstairs because they checked his actual ID this time and so champagne was off the table. 

Because as much as he loves his friends—his _family_ — he doesn’t exactly feel like going home to them tonight, not with the way Gert is looking at him and definitely not with their kiss still dented in his brain. 

It's really only a ten-minute drive to the hotel, but being stuck in the car, being stuck so so far away from Gert, makes it feel like a hundred. If it were any longer he might’ve just given up on the idea completely. Gert doesn’t say much on the drive and neither does he, just flips through the radio stations until she decides that she doesn’t like anything that’s playing and just turns it off completely. 

“So,” Gert asks, as they’re turning onto the road before the hotel. “If I ask why you’re turning here will I get an answer or are you just going to tell me to wait and see?” 

“Nope. We’re here.” The car comes to a stop in an empty parking spot across the street and then Gert’s eyes are dancing from him to the building and its fluorescent floodlights. 

She laughs nervously, looks at him as he turns off the engine. Her lipstick is smudged under her lip and he’s pretty sure he’s got some of it on him as well. “I hope that by _here_ you mean something other than this hotel that costs more than anything, or everything, we own. Combined.” 

“Gert.” 

“Oh my god, you’re serious? We’re actually going in there?” 

Chase’s brows go up, surprised at her confusion. “Wait, do you not want to? Because if you don’t want to we don’t have to...” 

“Chase, that’s not what I meant.” 

“I wasn’t... I didn’t mean to assume anything—wait it’s _not_ ? What _did_ you mean?”

Gert swallows. “How the hell did you even afford this?” 

“I may have dipped into my college fund.” The floodlights are spinning in another direction now, leaving them behind in the dark and even though he can’t see her face clearly he can picture the way she’s looking at him. 

“You what?!”

“You keep saying how the hostel is getting smaller by the second... I figured we could use a night away. Just us.” The corner of Gert’s mouth quirks up a little and her face softens. 

“That’s so thoughtful and I lo- I love it but, a six hundred dollar night away?” She asks, she doesn’t even sound mad though, she sounds lost in thought. “You know that money is supposed to be for like... college, right? I mean it’s right there in the name.” 

“Gert,” he says, breathes it out like air. “I want to do this one thing for you, okay? I promised you a perfect night. Let me do it.” Gert grins then, a small, secret thing smile that’s always been just for him. 

They’re way too close right now, he can smell the peach of her shoulder and see her eyes shining even in the dark because she’s the definition of magic. Chase doesn’t know when they started to inch towards each other, doesn’t even remember leaning in but they’re supposed to be holding off until they get upstairs at the very least. 

“That was unbelievably corny,” she whispers. She lets out a quiet laugh, reaches up to ghost her fingertips along his jaw.

Chase scoffs. “You’re ruining the moment.” She isn’t. Couldn’t possibly ruin this even if she wanted to. 

“Sorry.”

They make the trek upstairs with bated breath and stolen glances. 

Gert is holding onto his hand when they stand waiting an eternity in the elevator and she’s doing this thing where she bites down on her thoroughly kissed lips to stop herself from talking when the doorman asks what floor they’re going to and it’s so goddamn _sexy_. 

When they get to the room he unlocks it in a haste, twists the door handle open, still holding Gert’s hand and leads her into their room. As soon as the door shuts behind him she stops right in front of him, looks at him through the dark and her eyes are saying something that tells him this was inevitable. This moment, tonight, _Gert_ . It’s always been inescapable— written in the stars or prophetic, never a question of _if_ only _when_. 

His hand is shaking or hers is or both of theirs are but it doesn’t matter because as soon as the door lock clicks shut he’s pressing her up against it and then there’s his lips brushing against Gert’s and she’s whimpering from the intensity of it, makes a noise that he’s never going to be able to forget, it’s going to stay imprinted in his brain until the end of time if it doesn’t end up killing him right now all high and needy and perfect. She’s smiling against his lips he can feel it, feel her hands plant themselves around the back on his neck and then her fingers are curling themselves in his hair, getting lost in it. His own hands wander just the same, entirely purposeless now that they’re not holding hers, because he wants to feel everything and he wants to do it in a heartbeat, wants to put out the fire that every inch of his skin feels like it’s on. 

Eventually, his hands settle around her waist, hold her close as he starts to backtrack to the bed. Gert looks up at him from under her eyelashes, and even in the dark, with their only light source being a streak of moonlight coming through the windows because neither of them had bothered to flip a light switch, the smile on her lips takes his breath away for the millionth time that day.

She pulls on his jacket, hands clumsily try to undo the buttons while his lips trail along her cheek and down her neck, smiling against her skin, laughing when she grunts in frustration, mumbles something about the number of buttons but he doesn’t stop to help her. Chase keeps kissing her but his hands trail over her shoulder, start playing with the zipper of her dress. When it comes undone her sleeves slip down her arm, leaving her shoulders naked and exposed for three full seconds before he’s trailing them with kisses. 

He takes the moment to finally look at all of her again and she’s so beautiful it makes his head spin, makes him thank every force in the universe that contributed in any way to them being here right now because he doesn’t want to imagine a world where they are anywhere else. 

_I love you_ , he wants to tell her when she looks at him again and her smile is still there, breathtaking as ever, and he feels hypnotized. 

But she knows. Just as surely as he knows that she feels the same. She knows even if it’s unspoken and silent and secret. 

It’s there in everything. 

It’s there in every kiss. It’s in the dance of fingertips and the hum of gasps and sighs, and it’s there afterward, when they lie next to each other blissful and sated. 

It’s there. He’ll take the quiet tonight because they’ve got years and years to say it after tonight. He’ll say it in the morning and then again a million times afterward because they’re staring down the barrel of forever together and tonight is just the start of it. 

It’s inevitable.

* * *

Gert likes to think she’s a good planner. It’s one of the things she prides herself on, actually. 

It’s just something she’d picked up over the years, one of the ways she’s had to learn to cope with her anxiety; analyzing a situation, running over every possible outcome of said situation as well as the consequences of each. It doesn’t quiet her mind in the slightest but it does give her the comfort of knowing that, whichever outcome the dice of fate lands on, she’ll be able to handle it. Even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. 

She likes planning, likes the guise of control it gives her. And even more, she likes to think she’s pretty good at it. 

Which is why, when Nico casually suggests that they should all dedicate an entire year of their lives going back to high school, she kind of feels like the ground beneath her is starting to crumble, pulling her down into the middle of the Pacific Ocean. 

They’re in the middle of eating a dinner that Chase and Molly had excitedly prepared for them— _spaghetti carbonara_ — when she says it, and Gert thinks she’s misheard her. 

She definitely has. 

“I’m sorry,” Gert swallows, clears her throat and glances at Nico. “You want to do what?!” 

“Go back to high school,” Nico repeats, firmer. She’s put her plate down now and she’s staring across the table at Gert who is still so confused about how they went from talking about which Mario character would win the Hunger Games to totally shifting their lives. 

Nico’s finally snapped. Yeah, that makes sense— the effects of the last few months are finally taking a toll on her and this is the first stage of her psychotic break. 

That’s it. 

“You’re kidding, right?” Gert asks, turns to Karolina then. “She’s kidding right?”

“Yes, she is.” 

“No I’m not,” Nico snaps back at them. “We should do it.” 

Gert glares at her. “Could you maybe stop saying it like you’re suggesting getting a mani-pedi?” Nico shrugs. “We can’t just go back to high school!” 

Gert’s starting to wonder if maybe they’re all going a little crazy because no one else is saying anything, laughing at how obviously _insane_ this idea is. They can’t go back to high school... they can’t. So, maybe right now she can’t think of an actual valid reason _why_ but that doesn’t make it a good idea. 

They graduated. They’re finally out of high school and she can’t understand why anyone would want to move backward. 

“Can we please just eat first and argue later?” Molly asks, her eyes wide and hopeful and only mildly annoyed. “I’m starvingg,” she tells them and Gert shoots her a look that's begging her to stop so she does. “Nevermind,” Molly sighs, slumps down into her seat and now Gert feels a little awful. A lot awful. 

She’s been snapping at everyone lately for no reason other than that she’s just cranky and always running on negative hours of sleep. 

Case in point, this very conversation. 

“Why not?” Nico asks. “I’m guessing our parents are not going to object to that.” She’s probably right about that much. But getting their parents to pay for them to go to school means _talking_ to their parents which really just isn’t at the top of Gert’s to-do list. More like the bottom of it, right before being tossed into a landfill. 

She sighs. “Nico, this is unnecessary. I was just going to get the rest of my credits online like I planned to all along.” 

It doesn’t matter that her brain tells her mouth this doesn’t need to be an argument because her words keep coming out snarky and with an added bite to them. 

“You could,” Nico says, but Gert can tell by the way her eyebrows are perked up to match her voice that she’s not done. “But wouldn’t it be so much better if we all got to do this together... You know before we’re off to college and everything.” 

At one point in time, _that_ was Gert’s dream. Surviving all four years of high school with her best friends by her side, going to prom in a big limo filled with champagne that Amy would sneak in for them (because she was always the best at getting away with things they weren’t allowed to do), going to graduation with her parents and Molly at her side and then eventually going to Smith after a prolonged bittersweet goodbye with all of her friends. 

Then Amy died. 

And Gert was forced to spend her last two years of high school with people she would never know as well as she did her old friends, and then she found out her parents were serial killers. 

Now her dreams are less like dreams and more like just her celebrating the fact that they’re even alive. Because they almost weren’t. There’s a world out there where she died at seventeen. 

Still, it was a nice dream to have, she thinks. 

“I kinda love it,” Karolina says with a little smile, pulls Gert out of her thoughts. Her hand is Nico’s now and they’re both looking at Gert expectantly. 

She drops her shoulders. “Not you too, Karolina.” 

“Sorry,” Karolina whispers, but she doesn’t sound it. She sounds happy. “Our senior year experience was ruined by you know.. the whole alien parent, weird hell dimension, time travel thing,” she says, like any of them need a reminder, like they’re not still wearing the scars. “We missed out on so much. Shouldn’t we try and get some of it back. Reclaim our lives.” 

“It’s kinda poetic,” Molly says with a laugh. “I like it.” But the look in her eyes tells Gert that before she does, tells her that Molly’s already chosen a side and it’s not hers this time. 

“It’s not poetic. It’s called living in the past and we’re supposed to be moving forward.” 

“Yeah, I agree,” Alex nods. 

Gert isn’t sure if he actually means it or if he’s just trying to back her up but either way she appreciates it because it means she’s finally _finally_ not the only one who recognizes how chaotic this idea is. 

“Thank you,” she breathes. “For being the voice of reason now that Nico, Karolina, and Molly have all lost it.” 

“Come on, Gertie,” Nico smiles, and if she’s trying to get Gert to see her point then she’s not doing herself any favors by calling her that. “Wouldn’t you rather go to school with us than stare at Alex’s dusty ass computer screen every day?” 

“My screen is not—actually, yeah, it’s pretty bad.” Alex sighs in defeat. Even Gert has to give Nico that one because the desktop in Alex’s room is _ancient_ and loud and slow as shit. But public libraries exist for a reason. 

When Karolina continues, finishes Nico’s point like this is a game of tag and she’s it, she’s not looking at Gert anymore. Her gaze has shifted to Alex. “Alex, I know you want to go to college at some point, too. Why _not_ do it this way?” 

“Alex I swear to god if you agree with her-“ 

“It’s not the worst idea,” he says drops his shoulders and Gert glares at him. 

So it’s only her who thinks this idea is a horrible idea. Well not, _only_. Chase is sitting next to her, holding onto her hand like always, and being uncharacteristically quiet. 

“Aha,” Molly sings. “Four against one.” 

The longer this argument goes on, the less Gert remembers what exactly it is that she’s arguing for. Going back to high school might not be ideal but Nico must be getting into her head because it _is_ starting to sound kind of fun. It’s slowly starting to sound less and less like a bad idea. 

It is still an awful idea, just not as insane as she’d originally convinced herself it was. “Two... right?” Gert corrects her, glances at Chase who offers her a smile as reassurance, holding her hand tighter in a show of support. 

He nods his head, eyes never straying from hers. “Yeah,” he whispers and it does wonders in calming her down, helping her catch her breath. 

It’s comforting because Chase is always her deciding vote. As much as she’d never admit it out loud to anyone, least of all him, she likes knowing that they’re on the same side sometimes. When it matters. “Whatever you decide,” he whispers, “I’m with you.” 

Gert smiles across at him, let’s it fall the second she senses a _but_ coming. “But,” he says, reads her mind and times it perfectly. Gert sighs. “It would be kind of nice to do it all... Graduate properly, go to prom..” 

She has a sudden vision of Chase in a tux, taking her to prom, and she’s reminded of another one of twelve-year-old Gert’s fantasy dreamscapes that looked eerily similar to that. 

“It’s senior year,” Nico says, again, for what feels like the millionth time and it’s taken that long for Gert to let it sink in. As much as she wants to pretend like it’s any different, their lives aren’t in danger anymore, so they’re all going to start heading their separate ways _eventually_. 

They can’t live underground forever. 

This might be the last chance they have to all really be young and together. 

“Let’s do it right,” Nico finishes, a lopsided grin on her face and they’re all staring at her now, wide-eyed and hopeful and, damn it, she is too. 

“Come on,” Karolina says. Her head is moving from side to side in an attempt to be even more chipper, her voice singing each word that comes out of her mouth. “Just say yes.” 

It is an awful idea, will probably end up being a waste of an entire year of their lives but when has anything they’ve ever done been a good idea. They’re all looking at her now and she loves them so much, can’t hide the smile on her face and the sudden excitement.

She can’t remember the last time she was actually excited about something. 

“Yes,” Gert says, and then she’s smiling because she can’t seem to hold it back a second longer. Sue her. “Okay, yes, let’s do it.” 

Karolina’s clapping then, cheering like it’s New Year’s Eve and the clock’s just struck midnight on a brand new chapter of their lives. She’s beaming and so is Nico and so is everyone else, all high on something that she can’t name, maybe happiness for the first time in a really long time. 

“Okay,” Karolina says, well now we need to celebrate. “What says back to school better, wine coolers or cheap strawberry champagne? We should go out!” Gert laughs, feels it bubbling in her chest. 

“Can’t it wait until after dinner?” Molly groans. 

“Nope,” Gert says. “I’m excited _now_.” 

“Let’s goo,” Nico says. Gert doesn’t remember ever seeing her smile this wide. She can’t blame her. It’s dumb and it’s stupid and it’s not even that big a thing but... it’s a victory. It’s a small win and they’re all buzzing off it. 

It’s the first win they’ve had in a long time that actually _feels_ like a win. 

“We can get some ice cream too,” Alex says when it becomes clear that Molly isn’t moving. She bounds out of her seat then, follows him, Nico, and Karolina to the car. 

Gert gets up to follow them but Chase is still holding her hand, pulling her back so she comes crashing into him and then he’s smiling that way he does whenever it’s just the two of them and she feels like she’s thirteen. “Are you sure about this?” He asks, whispers it just to her and she loves him so much for it. 

“Yeah,” she breathes, leans up to press a quick kiss to his lips. It makes Chase smile. “I think so.... it could be good for us.” 

“It _will_ be good,” Chase promises. He kisses her slowly and she’s almost certain she can hear Molly giggling on the other side of the door. 

“Yeah.” 

Chase pulls back, smiles against her lips, “What’s the worst that could happen right?” He jokes. That’s always a promising answer, Gert thinks. But instead of saying it she nods and he’s smiling again and she wishes he wouldn’t ever stop. 


	2. autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The voice coming through Gert’s phone is singing about new beginnings and how they’re always a blessing and somehow it feels perfect. It feels like just the reinforcement they all need right now. 
> 
> It’s gonna be a long year.

  
Gert is watching silently as embers of the dying fire burning in front of her sparkle into the dark sky, falling slowly and turning to ash as they hit the cold sand. She’s watching the fire and watching the waves crash behind it, always coming _almost_ close enough to destroy the flames but never all the way. It’s beautiful, really— a delicate dance between the elements that she feels mesmerized by. 

  
She’s never been one for parties. Sure she’s been to a few of them over the years but that was more out of curiosity than anything else, doesn’t necessarily mean she likes them— something about too many people and too much noise. Tonight is different, apparently, because here she is at a freaking _bonfire_ , drunk and vibing.

  
It’s Karolina’s idea to go to the annual back to school bonfire. In true Atlas elitist fashion, every year for Labor Day weekend a bunch of students host a bonfire at the beach. It’s mostly an excuse to get drunk and set things on fire without it being considered arson, but it’s also tradition. And since the group decided they’re going back to Atlas, Karolina believes that means they should participate in all of its traditions.

  
Although, technically, they’re not participating in the bonfire as much as they are _crashing_ it. Since almost everyone they knew had graduated when they were supposed to— leaving them with only friends of friends and casual acquaintances at Atlas— they didn’t have an official invite to the bonfire. 

  
Karolina had her mind set on coming, though. So it didn’t take long for her to convince Nico, who then convinced Molly. And once Molly’s got her mind set on something it’s pretty much a done deal. 

  
So here they are, on the beach. Wind blowing like crazy, sending grains of sand crashing into Gert’s skin like one thousand tiny blades. Never mind the fact that it’s _freezing_. She’s practically sitting on the fire now, trying to get as close to it as she can just to warm herself up. 

  
Alone, too, because Chase disappeared to get them drinks forever ago and Nico and Karolina are walking along the shore line and Alex is somewhere catching up with someone he knew in another life. Gert _is_ a little drunk though so she might be wrong about all of these, but she can see what looks like Alex out of the corner of her eye and looks-like-Karolina is splashing around in the waves, begging to get hypothermia. 

  
Gert can’t see Molly anymore but she’s also off somewhere having the time of her life. She’s already made a ton of friends, and gotten herself invited to join a game of soccer with the entire girls junior varsity team because she’s just that cool. Molly is _the_ coolest. Gert can’t help but feel proud, and happy, and all mushy inside that things are kind of starting to click into place. Although some of that might be the peppermint schnapps. 

  
Even though there aren’t as many people on the beach now, it’s still pretty crowded. It’s busy enough that eventually she loses sight of Chase in the crowd of strangers. She recognizes a few faces here and there but mostly, everyone here seems new. Gert appreciates that, appreciates that she won’t have to spend the next year back in school with people who’d always seen her as invisible. She’s made it her mission this year to be the opposite of the scared and insecure girl she was before— to be seen, to be heard, to matter at all in any kind of way to the people she meets. It’s the first thing she decided when the group came to the conclusion that their idea to go back to high school was _not_ just a heat of the moment thing. 

  
They all want this. 

  
Their parents had agreed almost instantly, assuming going back meant going to _everything_. Namely, home, or the places they used to live with the strangers that used to be their parents. They were, expectedly, a little less enthusiastic when they found out that this didn’t change anything else. 

  
It’s their own fault for expecting something different. 

  
Gert has had her fair share of freak outs about the fact that this was crazy and stupid and potentially the worse idea they’ve ever had but eventually they always subside. Eventually she’s reminded it means she gets to spend another year with her favorite people in the world. 

  
Still. It’s weird being back. Even though school doesn’t start until Monday, being here tonight kind of feels like they’re already back, and it feels… weird. It should feel good or bad or anything in between but it just feels so ambiguous. Gert can’t describe the feeling. 

  
There have already been rumors— people she doesn’t recognize are whispering about the six of them. And it doesn’t bother her, it really doesn’t, but can’t they at least be subtle about it? Like stop pointing and staring and maybe go talk about it on a hill somewhere far away. As long as she doesn’t have to hear any of it. 

  
It’s no wonder they’ve decided to just stay to themselves tonight. As she’s thinking it, watching a blur that looks like Karolina move closer toward her, she can see two girls staring at her from the other side of the fire. Karolina must see them too because she turns around and flips them off, sends them scouring in an attempt to seem like they have no idea what it’s regarding. 

  
“Hey,” Karolina says, looks at her a little confused. She’s starting to blur a little less now, reminding Gert just _how_ drunk she is. But they’re all drunk. Everyone here is. She’s pretty sure she even saw Molly sneaking a drink too but she’s too happy to tell her off. “Have you seen Nico?” 

  
“Yeah,” Gert nods, tilts her head in the direction of the crowd behind her. There’s a keg somewhere back there and a bunch of idiots trying to stand on it. They’re shouting and cheering and if their parents didn’t probably own the beach they’d probably be arrested on the spot. “I think she went to get some drinks-“ 

  
She’s interrupted by Chase’s arms snaking around her waist from behind her, his head coming to rest in the crook of her neck. He smells like the smoke from the fire, like beer that’s way to expensive and his stupid intoxicating cologne. “Hi,” his voice is soft, breath warm against her skin. 

  
Chase presses a delicate kiss to the back of her neck, and she relaxes into him. He’s gotten taking her breath away down to a fine art by now. “Hi,” she whispers back. 

  
“Are you having fun?” He asks, kisses her cheek this time and she can feel herself blushing bright pink afterward.

  
“The most,” Gert says, grinning wide. Chase pulls his arms out from around her, leaves her feeling unbearably cold all of a sudden, and comes around to join her on the fallen log she’s been using as a makeshift bench. 

  
Karolina’s disappeared from in front of them, probably gone off to find Nico. Gert feels a little bad for spacing on her but it doesn’t last long because Chase leans in to kiss her again and she loses her train of thought. Gert leans into him, and he puts his arm around her shoulders. “Are _you_ having fun?” He’s so warm.

  
“Well I am now,” he says softly, he reaches behind them, picking up one of the two red cups he’d been holding to give it to her. His hand is wobbling when he does, spills half of the cup onto the sand in front of them. 

  
Gert laughs. “You’re so drunk.” 

  
“So are you.” He’s definitely right about that. She can’t feel anything at all, feels like she’s floating maybe and she can’t remember how many drinks she’s had. 

  
She empties her cup in one sip, likes how warm it makes her feel. Chase is staring at her wide-eyed afterward, reaching for the cup in her hands. “Slow down.” 

  
“Can’t,” she says, slurred. She shakes her head, feels spacey and bubbly. “I’m freezing. Molly stole my jacket.” As if on cue, they’re hit by a gust of wind, a breeze that makes her shiver. Gert waves her hand around slowly in an attempt to gesture to the wind. 

  
“Here,” Chase says, the beginning of a smile on his face and she feels instantly lighter just looking at it. He puts his drink down, slipping out of his jacket to wrap it around her. 

  
“I don’t need your jacket,” she mumbles, or tries to. But it comes out slurred into one word so long even she doesn’t know what it means. 

  
“Just humour me okay,” he says softly. Gert nods because she’s too inebriated to argue. Not because he drapes it over her shoulders and it’s soft and warm and perfect. Not because it smells like him, like something she can’t describe that feels unnervingly like home. Nope, definitely not because of that. 

  
“Thanks,” she mutters, beaming up at him. Chase closes what little distance there is between them, pressing his lips to hers in a haste. They’re both drunk so it’s sloppy and messy but Gert melts into it, curls her fingers into the fabric of his t shirt and pulls him closer. 

  
“Gross,” Molly says, coming up behind them. “Get a room.” Gert pulls back reluctantly, drops her head onto Chase’s shoulder as his arm goes back around her. Molly sits down on the other side of her. Karolina Nico, and Alex aren’t far behind, they’re all coming back together now that the fire is dying and the beach is emptying. 

  
“We have one,” Chase mumbles in response. Karolina sets a blanket down in front of them and her and Nico sit down on the sand. 

  
“Well then get to it,” Molly groans. 

  
“Noo,” Chase sings, shaking his head, and Gert thinks they’ve seriously had too much to drink. “We’re out.” 

  
“We’re celebating.” 

  
“Celebrating,” Chase corrects her with a smile that she’s too drunk to decipher. Not that being sober would help much. She can never tell what he’s thinking, what’s running through his head, at least not whenever he looks at her like _that_. It makes her blush.   
  
“Yup,” Gert says, stumbles over words because she’s kind of seeing stars. “That’s what I meant.” She pecks his lips and Molly groans from beside them. 

  
“You’re going to be so hungover tomorrow.” 

  
“Right and you’re not?” Gert rolls her eyes. She looks over at Nico, stares at her with wide eyes even though it’s getting so dark she can barely see her. 

  
“She so is,” Karolina laughs, the same time Alex says, “Nico’s tolerance is a joke.” 

  
Nico glares at the both of them, sends a fistful of sand flying in Alex’s direction. The wind blows it straight into what’s left of the bonfire. “No. It is _not_ ,” Nico says coldly. She takes another sip of her drink and Karolina laughs. 

  
“Yes it is.” 

  
It’s true and they all know it because Nico’s always been a lightweight. The first time they’d ever drank beer was at Gert’s house when they were fourteen. Dale and Stacey had told her that if she was ever planning on getting drunk she should do it safely at home rather than doing it behind their backs. They’d bought her a six pack and she’d hidden it in her room for a week, too anxious to try it by herself. When Chase and Alex found out about it they insisted that they should all have them together. It was some artisanal craft beer that tasted like _shit_. Gert didn’t make it halfway through her bottle. Nico took an hour to drink hers and afterward she was so tipsy that she ended up staying the night just so that she didn’t have to explain to Tina Minoru why she couldn’t even walk in a straight line. 

  
“Whatever,” Nico says, dropping her shoulders. She rolls her eyes over dramatically and Karolina kisses her quickly in the dark. 

  
“Ughh,” Molly says, kicks at the sand by her feet. “Get a room!” 

  
“You said that already,” Nico groans and then they’re all laughing because… Actually, Gert has no clue why they’re laughing. 

  
“You know what we should play?” One of them asks, Gert isn’t sure who, she’s still in between laughing and catching her breath. 

  
“What?” 

  
The fire has completely died out now. It’s nothing but charred logs of wood and ash. Some people threw things into the fire earlier, when the night was still young and the sky was still tinted golden. Gert threw in an old picture Dale had kept in his car of the two of them on her third birthday. 

  
It was supposed to be therapeutic, but she doesn’t feel any different. 

  
“Truth or dare,” Karolina suggests and she’s smiling like she’s in on a joke that none of them know anything about. Or maybe she’s just happy. Gert is still getting used to seeing her friends happy again. 

  
Molly groans even though truth or dare has always been her favorite game. “Ugggh, truth or dare is no fun when you’re all annoying and couple-y.” 

  
“Why not?” 

  
“Because Molly just likes to dare people to kiss so she can see how uncomfortable she can make them,” Gert says with a sigh, taking another sip of her drink. Molly’s eyes go wide and she turns to face her, punches her on her good shoulder. “Ouch!” Gert says and Chase moves his arm to the spot on her shoulder that’s still stinging a little, rubs a hand over it slowly. 

  
“Wait what?” Nico says, turns to stare at Molly, just like everyone else has. 

  
Molly shrugs. “Well it sounds weird when you say it like that.” She picks up a cup from next to her, swallowing its contents in one big sip, and from the way she shuts her eyes afterward Gert is willing to bet big money that she’s not drinking a cherry spritzer. 

  
“That’s because it _is_ weird.” 

  
Molly rolls her eyes, walking over to join Nico and Karolina on the blanket they’re sitting on. “Whatever, Gertrude.” 

  
Gert glares at her. “If you think I’m too drunk to punch you back for calling me that-“ She tries standing up but Chase’s hand is still around her and the world is still kind of spinning a little so she eventually retreats back into his arms. 

  
“Then she’d be right,” Chase says with a grin, uses both of his hands to carefully steady her. Gert rolls her eyes, deciding that all she wants to do right now is rest her head on his shoulder. 

  
Luckily they prepared for this— the likelihood that they all would be completely wasted by the end of the night was too high not to. In true Atlas fashion, they came in a Lyft so that they wouldn’t have to drive home because the only person who didn’t plan on getting smashed was Molly and while her driving skills are not the worst in the world, she’s still fifteen and it’s dark outside and there’s no way they’re putting all of their lives in her hands. 

  
“Umm, I kinda zoned out are we playing truth or dare?” Alex asks and he looks like he’s doing just as good as Gert feels right now. She feels like she’s going to throw up any second now. Nico shakes her head and Alex does a double take. “What? Why not?” 

  
“Because-” Chase shouts and it must be louder than he meant to because he cuts himself off to press a hand to his temples afterward, takes a second to recover from it. “Because there is an open flame here and we’re all about to fall over if the wind blows hard enough. We should not be doing anything dumb or daring.” 

  
Gert looks up at him wide-eyes then, forces herself to fight back the smile threatening to break out on her face. “Are you mother-henning us?” The moon is full above them, reflecting on the crashing waves and in Chase’s eyes. 

  
“Nah,” Karolina says, shaking her head and giggling to herself. “He’s just scared we’re going to get all of his secrets out. What are you hiding, Chase?”

  
“I’ll bet he’s an undercover cop,” Molly laughs. Chase rolls his eyes, continued running his fingers along the hem of the jacket that she is stealing definitely from him because, _wow_ , it’s probably the comfiest thing she’s ever worn. 

  
“I knew it!” Alex shouts and then they’re all laughing again until they can’t breathe. 

* * *

When Molly wakes up it’s to a cacophony of alarms blaring through the hostel, bouncing off the walls and echoing in even the darkest corners of the house, and she’s bluntly reminded of two things— that it’s a Monday, and that for the first time in a _really_ long time, it actually means something that it’s a Monday. 

  
It matters because school’s are open on Monday’s. It matters because as of right now she is officially a high school student. _Again_. 

  
And maybe she should have factored waking up at seven in the morning into her decision before she’d been so eager to back Nico up on this crazy idea, but it’s probably too late for that now. 

  
She _could_ just ignore the alarms completely. But she hears shuffling in the next room, the sound diminishing a little, which means that someone else is probably awake and if it _is_ Gert she’ll be banging on Molly’s door any second now. 

  
Either way, she’s up now, and as much as she would love to fall right back to sleep, she won’t be able to anytime soon. Molly groans, turning her alarm off, and reluctantly opens her eyes. 

  
The sunlight coming through the window is weak, just barely lighting up her room as it peaks through the glass. It’s enough to make her head hurt, force her eyes shut all over again. 

  
God, this is the worst idea they’ve ever had. 

  
Not having to go to school was the best part of being a runaway. Now it’s official, there’s only one benefit to their runaway lifestyle left and it is the fact that they’re still eating frozen store bought pancakes for breakfast every day. 

  
Molly takes her time getting out bed, slowly kicking off the covers until they’re pooled at her ankles. It takes longer than she’d care to admit for her to actually get off the bed though, but it’s not really her fault because it’s feeling extra warm and comforting this morning and she‘s only human. 

  
Gert took her to the mall a few weeks ago, filled her closet with cute t-shirts they’d thrifted and bought from all of her favorite stores so she’d be ready for this exact moment. She was supposed to choose an outfit last night but she was too excited to settle on one, so she just grabs whatever is right at the front of her closet and throws it on in a rush. 

  
Molly is not nervous at all. 

  
She realizes that she should be, even just a little bit, but she’s just not feeling it. She met some really nice kids at the bonfire a few days ago, a few of them even said they’d also be auditioning for the dance team this year, and they all seemed awesome so she knows she’ll at least have a few friends on her first day. She knows that she has Gert, and the rest of her _family_ too but the idea of having a friend that’s all hers, someone outside the group she can trust with secrets and someone she can talk to about anything, someone who’s just hers. 

  
She already has a plan for this school year, how she wants it to look, and none of it works unless she finds said friend— or friends, actually, the more the merrier, right? She’s going to find herself a new best friend by the end of the week or die trying.   
  
The kitchen is on fire when she finally makes her way down for breakfast. There’s smoke everywhere and Chase at the center of it all, trying to fan the flames out of the door with a single dish rag. 

  
“What the hell happened?” Molly asks, popping open the window on the other side of the room because engineering genius Chase Stein didn’t think to do it himself. 

  
“He was supposed to be making toast,” Alex groans as he walks in, ignores the smoke and all possible hazards to grab a bottle of orange juice from the fridge. 

  
“We’re having _toast_ for breakfast?” Before, at home or whatever she’s supposed to call it now, Stacey would always go all out for breakfast on the first day of school. Granted, it was almost always all organic and kinda tasted awful but at least it was better than charred toast and three week old orange juice. “What happened to pancakes?” 

  
“ _Someone_ forgot to stock up yesterday,” Chase says, rolls his eyes. He’s talking about Nico, he’s always talking about Nico when he says things like that. It’s annoying. 

  
“I said I was sorry,” Nico sighs, appears out of nowhere and Molly has no idea if she just got here or if she’s been here hiding in the smoke all this time. She pulls something that Molly can’t see out of the fridge. Nico turns to Molly, places a hand on hers. “I’m sorry,” she echoes, and Molly smiles back at her. 

  
“It’s okay,” she says. “The toast can’t be that bad, right?” 

  
It’s awful. 

  
“Wanna stop for donuts and coffee on the way?” 

  
Gert is driving today which isn’t as chaotic as it should be because everyone is too tired to complain about the speed they’re moving at and she’s got the best playlist. They were supposed to take two cars but according to Gert the carbon footprint that would leave is abominable, especially when they can all fit into one car, so now they’re squished into the backseat and Molly is ten seconds away from falling asleep on Karolina’s shoulder. 

  
The voice coming through Gert’s phone is singing about new beginnings and how they’re always a blessing and somehow it feels perfect. It feels like just the reinforcement they all need right now. 

  
It’s gonna be a long year. 

* * *

Chase is nervous. He’s got lacrosse try out’s today, and before, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal. But now, with all the added pressure of performing in front of some of his old teammates, and everything else, he’s starting to lose his cool. Just a little. 

  
Surviving Atlas 2.0— or whatever other quirky code name Alex had given this thing that they’re doing— isn’t as grueling a mission as Chase expects it to be. It’s weird at first, of course it’s wired, he’s grown up so much since he was here, probably couldn’t recognize the person he was the last time he was here if he stared him straight in the mirror. It’s weird because his old friends, the one he’d used to try and fill the hole his real friends had left after they all split up, are mostly gone. Brandon, Lucas, everyone else he’d considered a friend before they turned out to be complete utter assholes. 

  
There are some guys on the team he still knows, a few whose faces he recognizes but whose names he just can’t seem to place no matter how hard he tries. People are pretty reluctant to talk to him, though, to talk to any of them, seeing as the last time they were here they were wanted for murder. The rumors started pretty much the second they walked through the doors— stories of what exactly they’ve been up to since they left. It’s been three days now and he’s overheard more versions of it than he can count, each one more outlandish than the last. 

  
But it’s not that bad. People are still friendly, they still welcome them back with smiles, but it all feels _forced_. 

  
It’s more disappointing than Chase thought it would be. 

  
As vapid and dumb and obnoxious and moronic and dumb— yeah, he said that already…. As bad as his old friends were, they did help him get through losing Amy, they got him through the loss of all his childhood best friends even if it was mostly through repressing his trauma and memories of them. They helped him then and now it feels like a loss— at least to some part of him, the boy he was two years ago— that he’s here without them. 

  
As much as he complains about every single aspect of Atlas, he’s missed it. 

  
Ironically, the only class they all have together is history. They’ve got it almost every day in the week but it’s the only time that the five of them are together outside of lunch. He and Nico are in homeroom together, and Alex is in his AP Calculus class. Gert has Spanish and physics with him and she refuses to admit it but he has a sneaking suspicion that she’s really only taking the latter so she can spend more time with him because honestly when the hell has she ever been interested in wave theory or circuit boards? Not that he's complaining. At all. 

  
It’s been three days back and it stills feel like they’re living in a fish bowl or under a microscope. 

  
He’s trying out for the lacrosse team today. Apparently, as much as Coach Alphona says he wants to, he can’t just put Chase on the team unless he tries out first against a few other new students. And if Gert ever found out about this she’d probably kill him, but just this once he kind of wishes nepotism was on his side. 

  
Not because he’s worried about his tryout itself. No, this happens to be one of the few things he’s very good at. He understands lacrosse better than he does almost anything. In his sophomore year, when he was still too upset to leave his house except for mandatory school hours, he would spend hours on end watching his old lacrosse games to analyze what the team did right and what they missed, then when he’d watched the last of his own matches, he’d started analyzing online uploads of strangers’ games. He could probably win a game with his eyes closed if he tried. 

  
The reason he’s nervous is Gert. 

  
She’s waiting for him in the bleachers, homework splayed out in front of her, hair pulled back with a pencil tucked behind her ear. They’re on their own today, just the two of them because everyone else is gone home already— they’re back to using two cars now that they realized squeezing six people and their belongings into one is a bit of an impossible feat. Gert is doing her homework while she waits, well she’s supposed to be but she keeps looking up at him and she’s got that on that cute frown that she gets whenever she’s thinking too much. It’s extremely distracting and if he doesn’t make the team it’ll be because she’s killing him slowly. 

  
He _is_ going to make it though, of course he is. Gert is his good luck charm. 

  
She’s waving him over, biting down on her bottom lip with a twisted smile when Coach Alphona finally gets to him. “Stein, you’re up.” he says, loud and firm and enough to pull Chase away completely. Gert offers him a reassuring smile from across the field. 

  
It’s an hour and a half of drills and a mock setup game before he’s dismissed with the rest of the guys trying out. It doesn’t go horribly.It doesn’t go bad at all, actually. He catches Coach Alphona watching him with as unreadable a look as ever while he’s doing a running drill across the field, but when he’s done and his stick has been returned to it’s place at the top of a haphazard pile on the grass he gives him a pat on his back, tells him, “You did good, kid.”   
  
Gert is waiting at the end of the field now, distracted by her phone until he’s next to her and pressing a sweaty kiss to her cheek. She looks as pretty as she did the last time he saw her— when he’d walked her to class this morning— as pretty as she always does. She looks confused at first, giggling when he finally says, “Hey.”   
  
“Hi.” Gert says, giving him a once over. His heart is still racing from all the running and he doesn’t think it’s going to stop anytime soon, especially because she’s sucking in a breath and he can’t think straight long enough to slow his breathing. She kisses him then, puts one hand on his cheek and twists the other into his shirt and pulls him in, kissing him long and steady like a dream he decidedly never wants to wake up from. 

  
He’s still dazed when he pulls back, staring at Gert who’s letting out a strangled breath and swallowing. “ _And??_ “she asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern, and he has no idea what she’s talking about. Gert laughs then, must catch the confusion on his face because she’s gesturing vaguely at the field. “How was it?!” 

  
“Good,” he says, nodding slowly as he realizes she’s talking about his tryout. “ _Really_ good. I think I made the team.” 

  
She’s beaming then, tugging on his shirt because she still hasn’t let go. “I knew it! I knew you would!” Chase’s hands move around her waist, find their place wrapped around her like it’s where they belong. 

  
He kisses her again, just because he can, long and hard for the whole school to see even though there’s no one around, gets so caught up in it the school behind him could catch on fire and he wouldn’t notice. He wouldn’t even care. “Sorry I wasn’t, like, cheering you on or anything,” she says softly, still a little breathless when she looks up at him. Chase silently moves the hair out of her face and puts his lips on her forehead.

  
“You missed all my epic shots,” he says softly, mocks annoyance but he’s still smiling. Gert rolls her eyes. 

  
Gert takes his hand, sucking in a deep breath before taking a step back from him and pulling him behind her, still a little dizzy. “I’ll see them when you win the next game for us,” she says softly, collecting all of her books off the empty bleachers next to her. They’re still connected somehow and he can’t tell if it’s because she’s holding on to him or he’s not letting go, but it doesn’t matter either way. 

  
“Just don’t forget to mention me in your big victory speech, okay?” 

* * *

Nico is sitting in the back of the class right now, bored out of her mind while Mr. Hart goes on about the book they’re supposed to be analyzing. She’s been passing the time by staring at the clock, willing time to hurry the fuck up so she can get out of here as soon as possible, counting how many times the girl sitting in front of her— _Nora maybe?_ — clicks her pen open and shut. 

  
She is bored. Bored, bored, bored, with a capital B.

  
She thinks this would all be a lot more bearable if she could at least be bored _with_ Karolina. At least if she was next to Nico she’d be keeping her company, passing her notes and Nico wouldn’t feel like she’s one blink away from being comatose. But this is Atlas and they’ve got assigned seats and Karolina’s is two rows away. Two rows too far, honestly.

  
Her phone pings from under her textbook then and Nico picks it up. It’s a text from Karolina, like she’s read her mind and is now here to be her actual savior. _‘I’m bored :\‘_ it reads. She follows it up with one that says _‘Remind me why we thought high school was a good idea again?‘_ and makes Nico huff out a laugh involuntarily. A few people in front of her turn around to stare at her and so does Karolina but Nico just offers them a shrug as an apology and they must be satisfied with it because they all turn back around. Except for Karolina, she’s still looking at Nico with wide-eyes, fighting back a grin and now Nico is too because she’s infectious. 

  
_‘You’re gonna get us detention’_ her next text reads. 

  
_‘Sorry,_ ’ Nico types back, then, _‘We’re still on for lunch right?’_

  
_‘Yess‘_ , Karolina sends, with a pink heart next to it that she uses so often Nico eventually decided to put it next to her name on her contact. It made Karolina smile so wide the first time she saw it that Nico practically felt like she’d just become the strongest person alive. _‘I’ll meet u on the quad xx.’_

  
It’s the first time all week that they’re both free at the same time and Nico misses being with her all the time so much that it’s starting to make her feel sick to her stomach. They’re going to _Sophie’s_ for lunch. It’s a little diner a few blocks away that’s always been her favorite because of how much time her and Karolina would spend there together when they started high school. Karolina swears they have the best cheeseburgers in the entire state and she’s probably right because they taste _heavenly_.

  
Nico hasn’t been to _Sophie’s_ in forever. It feels like three lifetimes might have passed since the last time she was there. 

  
Karolina is driving and that’s probably their first mistake. Their second mistake is the fact that they’re driving at all because the car looks like it played home base to a massacre some time in the last few weeks. It’s covered in plastic bottles and old soda cans and Molly’s sticker collection has turned the dashboard into a picture show. 

  
It feels cluttered and tight and yet still so _comfortable_. 

  
The windows are open and the top is down and one of Karolina’s quirky indie music playlists are functioning as the white noise for today’s drive, keeping them feeling happy for what feels like miles and miles on end when in reality it’s just one long boring road in Brentwood suburbia. 

  
“I’m starving...” Karolina groans dramatically, falls back into her seat for the hell of it. It isn’t until she says it that Nico realizes they’ve pulled up onto a quiet main street. She can see _Sophie’s_ across the street, it’s vintage diner sign flickering yellow and red in the middle of the day. She feels herself breathe a sigh of relief.   
  
“You okay,” Karolina asks her then as she pulls the keys out of the ignition. “You kind of disappeared there,” she reaches over to tilt Nico’s chin toward her, keeps her hand steady on her cheek for a beat. A car speeds past them and Karolina doesn’t blink. 

  
Nico nods. “Yeah it’s just been a long day,” she says softly, leans over the gears to press her forehead against Karolina’s, meet her halfway instead of a kiss. Everything feels so still then, quiet and frozen, except for their breath that’s sweet and stained with Alex’s god awful pot of coffee from this morning. It doesn’t feel like they’re locked inside the doors of the car, it feel like they’re somewhere else entirely— somewhere good, a strange faraway land or a Sunday morning in a sea of them and it’s just them. Nico doesn’t want to leave. 

  
“Wanna talk about it?” Karolina asks, soft and slow and her voice sounds a little like it’s made out of honey. 

  
“Not really,” Nico promises, smiles softly when Karolina links their hands together. She let’s out a deep breath, pulls back grudgingly but doesn’t make a move to get out of the car. 

  
“Wanna kiss about it?” Karolina asks, raises her eyebrows suggestively with a grin. She tries to sound serious but there’s a smile breaking out on her face and making Nico smile back wider, it’s impossible for her to not smile at Karolina. 

  
“Maybe later…” Nico laughs and she’s already feeling better, can’t even remember had her feeling like that in the first place. She shakes her head, backtracking. “Definitely later.” 

  
Karolina leans over, kisses her quick and Nico smiles into it. She brushes the hair out of her face. “How was your audition?” Karolina is taking drama this year. Consequently, she wants to be in this year’s play— a twisted reenactment of the Great Gatsby because the drama teacher is a “chaotic mess,” (Karolina’s words not hers). Nico doesn’t fully understand why Karolina wants to do this but she gets so excited when she talks about it that she honestly couldn’t care less. She’s auditioning to be part of the supporting cast even though Nico thinks she could probably play Daisy flawlessly. 

  
“Good,” Karolina says, but she sounds like she’s trying to convince herself of it. “Maybe… I don’t actually know. There were a ton of people that read with me and they were all…. amazing.” 

  
“Yeah, well, so are you,” Nico assures her. The wind outside is picking up and pouring through the windows and over their heads, leaves her feeling cold and new. “And you _definitely_ got that part.” 

  
Karolina smiles at her warmly, leans over and kisses her. It’s colored with love and coffee and the crisp of autumn air. “We’ll see,” she says softly, rolls up the top of the car and just like that everything is so much warmer. 

  
Nico grins. “And if not, then we’ll just tell Gert to sic Old Lace on the entire drama department,” she says with a laugh, squeezes Karolina’s hand once, twice, three times just for good measure. 

  
Karolina laughs and it’s the most beautiful thing ever, smiles at her then and all Nico can think is that she loves her so much, more than anything, so much she has to bite her lip to keep from saying it or else she’d never stop. 

  
“Let’s maybe hold off on the telepathic dinosaur until we know for sure though, okay?” She sounds happy. 

  
Nico grins, rolls her eyes. “If you say so.” 

* * *

“ _You got detention?!_ ” It comes out much louder than Gert had wanted it to, more of a shriek than a question if she’s being honest but it’s not her fault, how can it be when the sheer shock of it alone makes her head spin? 

  
“See,” Molly says, scoffs and turns to Alex who’s standing at the door to the fridge. “I told you she’d overreact.” Alex doesn’t say anything. He’s gotten remarkably quiet all of a sudden and Gert would probably call _bullshit_ if she weren’t so infuriated with Molly. 

  
“First of all,” Gert says, loud and completely lacking in any sense of aplomb she’d hoped to keep. “I’m standing right here. And second of all, this is _not_ an overreaction.” 

  
Molly got detention. She got detention and they’ve been back at school for under a month. She got detention and it _shouldn’t_ be a big deal but it’s shifting the carefully curated equilibrium that they’ve been in for weeks now. Gert isn’t sure how to deal with that. 

  
“It was an accident,” Molly groans, rolling her eyes. Gert stares back at her incredulously. 

  
“Molly, you punched someone.”

  
It would probably be easier to have this argument— yes, _argument_ , not _discussion_ like she’d repeatedly told herself when she’d gone over it in her head in the car— if she weren’t standing in the middle of the kitchen shredding up lettuce for a salad to go with the perfect home-cooked meal Karolina had made them for dinner. It’s probably for the best, though, because it provides her with a healthy outlet for all of this pent up frustration she’s suddenly feeling. 

  
“Yeah, well, they said we were murderers,” Molly bites, tries to sound angry but she sounds more tired than anything else, brows creased and eyes cast on something Gert can’t see. 

  
Gert’s shoulders drop. “Oh.” 

  
Molly sighs. She didn’t deserve this. Not now, not ever, and especially not when they’re supposed to be moving on from everything that happened.   
She looks like she’s about to say something, and Gert can tell by her expression that the wheels are turning and she’s trying to settle on something. Her brows are creased and her mouth pursed when she finally says, “I’m not going back there.” 

  
Gert’s drops her head as she puts down the scissor she’d been using to move closer to Molly. “That sounds awful,” Gert whispers, placing a hopefully comforting hand on her arm. Molly’s hand comes to rest above her own and Gert interlaced their fingers with a small smile. “And I’m so sorry that I yelled earlier... but Molls, it was just one bad day. Tomorrow will be better.” 

  
Molly winces, taking a step back from Gert, whose arm falls at her side. “It’s not just about today,” she says, sounds fiery and louder than she did a second ago. 

  
“I thought you wanted to do this.” One of the main reasons why Gert agreed to this was because Molly said she wanted it as well and Gert wanted her to get a chance and being a normal kid. It’s all she’s ever wanted for her. "I thought you were glad to be back." Just yesterday Molly was talking about how excited she was to be on the dance team this year with her new friend— Claire or Klara maybe. 

  
“I did.... I thought I did.” She pauses for a breath. “Don’t you think we’re supposed to be doing something so much bigger than high school? We’re _superhero’s,_ Gert.” 

  
“No, we’re not.” Gert sighs, her eyes falling closed. When she opens them again she turns to Alex for backup but he’s still standing silently frozen in place. She shakes her head, looking at Molly again. “We’re not,” she says softly. “We’re _kids_. It’s not our job to save the world it’s our job to be kids. You can’t just go around beating up people.” 

  
“It was one punch and he deserved it.” Gert doesn’t doubt that much. 

  
“I’m not saying he didn’t. But you can’t overreact like that.” 

  
“ _You’re_ one to talk about overreacting,” Molly huffs out with a bitter laugh. Gert looks away from her, letting out a shaky breath.

  
“Guys!” Alex finally says, putting down the bowl of cold two-minute noodles he’d been holding to walk over and form a wall between them. “Why don’t we just table this until later, okay? Take some time to cool off.” Of course, when he finally decides to give his input and help her out it’s to say that. 

  
“No need,” Molly scoffs, turns away from them and waving them off nonchalantly. Gert stares wide-eyed between her and Alex. “I’ve got nothing else to say.” She says loudly, rolls her eyes, and then, apparently, they’re done talking about it because Molly’s storming off to her bedroom and Gert’s staring at the now-empty spot where she was standing. 

  
“Sorry,” Alex mumbles and Gert sighs. She stares at the abandoned salad she’s supposed to be working on, it’s kind of all over the place and not even halfway done and she doesn’t really feel like making it anymore. 

  
“It’s okay. I’m going to... go,” she tells Alex, gesturing vaguely in the opposite direction than the one Molly just paraded off in. “Do you mind finishing this up?” 

  
She feels slightly silly— for feeling hurt, for waving her hands around like that and expecting Alex to understand what she means when she hasn’t said a single word. But Alex seems to understand, giving her an instant nod. “Yeah, I got this. My slicing skills are unparalleled.” He says, and she lets out a little laugh. 

  
“Thanks.” 

  
She stalks up to her bedroom, jittering the whole way, and shuts the door behind her with a loud bang. She feels awful— worse than awful. 

  
She feels like she’s going to be sick. 

  
Old Lace perks up at the sound— on high alert until she realizes it’s Gert. “Sorry, girl,” Gert whispers, kneels down to hug her. She’s lying down at the foot of the bed and there’s just enough space next to her for Gert to lie down next to her, so she does. 

  
She feels completely drained, in every way possible. Cannot, for the life of her, remember the last time she got a good night’s rest. It’s been weeks of late nights doing homework and studying and kissing Chase to make up for all the hours in the day that she doesn’t get to see him because their schedules and worlds are two trains going in opposite directions. 

  
The sleep she _does_ get is always restless, because he’s slipping away from her in her dreams as well. He’s lying in her lap and clutching the fabric of her jacket and dying slowly. His eyes look like shooting stars and she can see the exact moment they burn out. Then he’s gone and she's awake and she can’t get back to sleep, wouldn’t want to even if she could. 

  
Gert doesn’t go down to dinner. Karolina comes in to check up on her and she sends her away with a smile and a promise that she’s not hungry, just tired. She decides that she doesn’t really feel like rehashing this afternoon’s argument and she knows Molly is probably still mad because she’s always been one to let her anger fester. Gert’s the same. That’s how she knows it will probably be easier to talk to Molly in the morning, after she’s had some time and space. 

  
She’s still lying in place with Old Lace when the sun goes down. The room is getting darker, a deep shade of auburn, and her eyelids are getting heavier. Chase will probably be up soon and she knows she should wait for him but she’s just _so_ tired.

  
It would take no time at all for her to fall asleep, she thinks as her eyes fall close. 

  
It doesn’t. 

  
When her eyes open next it’s dark outside. 

  
The clock behind her is flashing 3:30 am but she doesn’t notice it. She’s too distracted by her face, wet with tears. She feels like she’s being suffocated. 

  
She can feel someone gripping onto her shoulders, hear desperation somewhere in the distance but all she can _really_ focus on is the fact that tears won’t stop streaming down her face no matter how hard she tries to will them away. 

  
“Gert,” she hears a voice say. Once, twice, three times. It’s only on the fourth that she recognizes it. 

  
“Hey, Gert, it’s okay,” She hears Chase say, sees the relief on his face like a kaleidoscope through her tears when she places a hand over his and grips it just as tightly. “You’re okay,” he breathes. He moves one of his hands up from where it’s resting on her shoulder to her cheek and wipes away a glistening puddle of tears. 

  
It doesn’t feel real at first. It’s almost like an out of body experience— Gert feels like she’s watching him brush the hair out of her face and whisper sweet nothings to her through a sea of their shaky breaths and fear. But the longer he does it, the more he coaxes her down, the more she feels like she’s sinking back into her own skin. Chase has that effect on her. He’s gotten so much better at pulling her out of her anxiety attacks. He’s practically mastered it by now, as much as he possibly could, seems to somehow calm her down more and more just by being near her. 

  
“I’m right here,” he whispers and then he’s pressing a kiss to her forehead. Gert follows his instructions, breathes in slowly over and over again until her heart has stopped racing. It’s still beating _way_ too fast but it’s better somehow.

  
“Chase,” she whispers and it sounds so small she almost wants to scream. She hates it, hates how she feels like she’s drowning and suffocating and on the verge of turning into Pompeii. She hates feeling so _helpless_. 

  
“Yeah,” he whispers. He smells like aftershave and minty toothpaste and _Chase_. It’s enough to convince her it’s real. She grips onto his hand and Chase squeezes hers back gently. “It’s me. I’ve got you, okay? You’re okay. Just breathe.” 

  
Gert sits up slowly, using the wall behind her to ground herself. Chase follows her silently, moving with her and never letting go. Gert makes herself match his breathing— he’s using a technique that he taught her a while ago and she’s found incredibly helpful— in for four, hold for seven, exhale on eight. It takes a few minutes, a few slip ups and readjustments but she finally gets a hold of it, finally feels like she’s actually breathing out and not just holding it all in. 

  
She’s stopped crying by then, but Chase is still watching her so closely. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him look this... _terrified_. It tears a hole right through her chest and squeezes her heart so violently she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to recover from it. 

  
She takes another deep breath, waits until the air fills her lungs before she rests her head against him, her forehead resting below his collarbone. 

  
“You okay?” Chase asks, sounding hesitant and scared and a dozen others things she couldn’t name even if she wanted to. He runs a hand through her hair, does it over and over and calms her just like that. 

  
Gert nods. “I think so,” she breathes. She’s starting to come back down to reality, finally registering her surroundings. She’s in her room but it’s so much darker. She must’ve been asleep for hours but somehow she still feels more tired than she did before. Chase is still looking down at her, eyes brimming with concern and she has to fight back tears. “It usually takes a few minutes for me to calm down afterward,” she tells him then, swallows a lump that’s been living in the back of her throat. 

  
“I’ve been having nightmares.” Chase doesn’t seem all that surprised by it.

  
He doesn’t say anything so Gert continues. She swallows. “I mean usually they’re pretty bad,” _usually they’re sinister_ , “but tonight was... horrifyingly vivid.” She lets it all out in one breath and Chase is looking at her with an expression she can’t decipher 

  
“Gert,” he says it softly, secretly like he doesn’t want anyone else to hear even though she’s pretty sure that they’re the only two people that exist right now. He says it with something else too, something she doesn’t want to name because it might break her heart. Desperation or fear or naked pain, and she thinks if she ever hears it again it’s going to kill her. 

  
Gert pulls back to look up at him, meet his eyes. “I watched you die,” she says in a whisper. If the wind was blowing a little harder or the clock ticking a little louder, there’s no way he would hear it. “I mean, I know it wasn’t _you_ but... it was still you. It looked like you and it felt like you and I felt the moment your heart stopped.” Every time she closes her eyes she sees the life draining out his face, the little smile he keeps just for her painted on it and fading. 

  
It’s enough to haunt her for the rest of her life. 

  
“I know,” Chase whispers, presses a kiss to her cheek and it’s only when’s she ghosts his fingers over the place where his lips were that she realizes she’s crying again and so is he. “I know. I’m still... I know it’s not the same thing, not even close, but knowing there’s another world out there where I _lost_ you... just thinking about it makes me feel like I’m drowning.” 

  
She knows that of everything they learned that night, the fact that another version of her died should probably be the most alarming, right? But every time she thinks that, she remembers that Chase ( _other-chase?_ ) went back in time to save her. He died doing it. 

  
She watched him die and it’s technically her own fault. 

  
She leans into Chase and he wraps his arms around her shoulders. “I keep reliving that night.” She tries not to think of the Chase she watched die. She likes to think of the one next to her, warm and alive and all hers. It doesn’t really work but at least she tries. “I can’t stop... Every time I close my eyes it’s _all_ I see.” 

  
Gert thought she was going to die that night. Not because of Morgan or the potentially earth ending disasters she could inflict, although yeah that was pretty terrifying too, but because watching Chase fade away? It felt a lot like having the air slowly sucked out of her lungs. 

  
She felt her heart stop with his. 

  
“I thought I lost you.” 

  
“But you didn’t.” He takes her hand in his and holds it to his chest, over his heart. She can feel it beating through the cotton of his shirt and she loves him so much in this moment. In all of them. “I’m okay, Gert.” He promises softly, presses a kiss to her forehead. 

  
Gert pulls back to look at him. There’s a stain on his shirt, wet from her tears or maybe his own because, yes, Chase is still crying too and Gert feels like her heart has been shattered. She leans up to kiss him, wet and teary, tastes the salt of their mixed tears on his lips. 

  
She can feel Chase smiling against her lips. He still is when he pulls back, resting his forehead against hers. Gert swallows. “Sometimes it feels like maybe _this_ is the dream. That _that_ is reality and I’m going to wake up to a nightmare.” The rational part of her brain— the part that should be in charge— knows that’s not the true. But the bigger, louder, less easily avoidable part screams that it _might_ be true and that’s enough to terrify her. 

  
“This isn’t a dream,” Chase whispers, his breath warm against her lips. She wishes he sounded a little more convincing. “It’s real,” he says. “I- _I’m_ real.. I’m not going anywhere.” 

  
It sounds a lot like a promise. If she weren’t so desperate to hear it she might comment on how silly and irrational it is of him to promise that, if not because this is their life and there could be aliens trying to kill them tomorrow, then because this is _her_ life and no one really sticks around forever— Amy died, her friends left, at one point all she had left were her parents and they turned out to be heartless killers.

  
But she is _so_ desperate. 

  
“Me either,” she promises back. Chase leans forward and pecks her lips again. His eyes are so pretty, she thinks, looking back at him. They’re glowing even in the dark. She can see the moon and everything else reflecting in them. She thinks she’d do anything for them, for him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” 

  
Chase’s face softens. “Why didn’t you?” 

  
“I don’t know,” she whispers. It’s not exactly something she could slip into conversations without blinking— _hey, I don’t want to scare you, but I can’t stop thinking about the night you died trying to stop me from dying_. “We haven’t... um, we haven’t really talked about it. And I didn’t want to be reminded of it. Not _actively_ , anyway. I didn’t want to have to think about it because, I guess I convinced myself that if I didn’t say it out loud... if I didn’t think about it then it-“ 

  
“It wouldn’t hurt so much.” _God_ , this is killing her. There’s a look in his eyes that she recognizes all too well. She’s spent countless sleepless nights staring back at it in the bathroom mirror. 

  
Chase sucks in a deep breath, readjusts himself so that he’s lying down again. He motions for Gert to join him and she rests her head on his chest with a heavy sigh. “We died,” she whispers, can feel his heart beating slowly through his shirt and it feels like she’s listening to a lullaby. It’s _calming_. “There’s a universe out there where none of this is happening.” 

  
Chase huffs out a strangled laugh and Gert peers up at him. “Sounds like the most boring place ever.” Gert laughs a little then, even with tears in her eyes, let’s out a breath she’s been holding for months. 

  
She can’t tell if the slow breathing she’s hearing is hers or his. Maybe both— it wouldn’t be the first time. Sometimes it scares her just how in in sync they are with one another, like two parts of a whole or a steadfast body of water. 

  
“This version of me isn’t going anywhere.” His voice is so soft, she feels like she’s definitely on the verge of sleep and maybe if he keeps talking like this it’ll be the first peaceful night she’s had. “I’ve got you.” Chase says, makes it sound so nonchalant, like he’d be shrugging if he could. _No big deal_ , except that it _is_. It always is. 

  
There’s still so much to say. She can see it in his eyes, heavy and tired and sparkling as they look down at her. She can feel it in her own baited breath and shaking hands. But it doesn’t really matter anymore, because now that it’s out in the open she realizes she’s stopped wondering how they’re getting through this. She did the second she looked at him. 

  
_Together_ , is the only answer.

  
Gert lies her head down again, closing her eyes. She has no idea how many hours she slept for earlier but it didn’t make a dent. 

  
She can feel her eyelids getting heavier, though, and tonight she’s not all that afraid of falling asleep. How can she be when she can feel Chase’s heart beating with hers. He’s fine. He’s here. He’s real. 

  
“You know I love you, right?” She thought he’d already fallen asleep. He sounds nervous and tired— so, _so_ , tired. 

  
Gert smiles into his chest. She swallows, nods. “You traveled through time to save my life, Chase… I think I got the message.” She curls her fist into his shirt. 

  
“Good,” he says softly, presses a kiss into her hair and Gert giggles. “Good. I just wanted to make sure.” 

* * *

Karolina would just like it stated, officially, for the record, that she is _exhausted_ —she was up all night finishing a history assignment she couldn’t care less about— but she is pushing through because today is going to be a good day. 

She’s going to make sure of that. 

They’re going out. All of them, because it’s been almost a month since they’ve done something like this and Karolina is kind of going into withdrawals. She made sure to tell them all days in advance so that they could schedule any homework due for the weekend around it. Chase hadn’t been too happy about that one at first, but Gert had offered to help him with his and then he warmed up to the idea almost instantly. Karolina herself had finished all her homework the night before, hence the exhaustion. 

Everything was in place to go perfectly. 

And then Molly and Gert had to go and get into a stupid fight. Karolina isn’t even sure what exactly it was about, only the bits and pieces Alex relayed to her after dinner the night before. 

It doesn’t matter what it was about, though, only that she’s back to square one now, jumping through hoops to make sure today is a good day because they could all use one. They’ve been having a lot of good days lately and Karolina thinks now that she’s gotten a taste of it she can’t go back. Spirit week starts on Monday and she could not be more excited for the slew of excitement and pep that would bring with it. 

“Hey.” 

Molly is reading what looks like a chemistry textbook, scribbling down notes on a piece of paper lying next to it. The desk is new— something she’d asked Chase to make for her after he revealed that he got an A for a table he helped build in shop class in freshman year. He’d agreed, obviously, because as much as they all argue, none of them have really figured out how to say _no_ to Molly yet. It ended up lopsided and misshapen, and a serious death hazard if you ask her, but Molly _loves_ it. 

Molly glances up from the book to look at Karolina. Her eyebrows crease like she’s surprised or confused to see her. “Did Gert send you?” 

Karolina shakes her head, and Molly drops her shoulders. “Good,” she says but her tone doesn’t match the disappointed look on her face. 

“Are you still mad at her?” Karolina sits down on the bed behind her and Molly spins in her chair. 

“Yes,” Molly says loudly, folds her arms in front of her chest. She rolls her eyes theatrically. Karolina looks at her pointedly, silently calls _bullshit_ , and Molly sighs. “No.” She drops her arms and stares down at the ground.

Karolina offers her a small smile, reaches across the inches of distance to place her hand on top of Molly’s. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not even a little.” Molly laughs. 

Karolina rolls her eyes, standing up then and pulling Molly with her. But Molly is, _obviously_ , stronger than she is and so she doesn’t budge. Karolina groans. “Do you at least want to stop sulking and get dressed, then?” 

“I’m not sulking.” 

“You are _so_ sulking.” 

Molly sticks her tongue out at her and Karolina giggles. “You do realize it’s a Saturday, right? As in… the day after Friday, i.e. the weekend?!” 

“You do realize you were doing homework when I walked in right?” Karolina asks, matching her tone. “Like… willingly. Do I need to check your temperature?” She’s fighting back a smile then, pressing the back of her palm to Molly’s forehead before Molly can swat her away. 

Molly dodges her hand, sliding out of her chair. “You are _such_ a jerk!” She says, and it’s supposed to be frustrated but it comes out with a little giggle and a crack in her voice. Molly tries— and fails— to pout back at Karolina. 

“Come on,” Karolina giggles. “We’re going out.” 

“I don’t want to go buy groceries with you and _Gert_.” She says Gert’s name with a groan and Karolina has to remind herself that the wound is still fresh so that she doesn’t laugh at how weird it sounds coming out of Molly’s mouth like that. 

“We’re going bowling,” she says instead. This seems to get Molly’s attention. She perks up all of a sudden, likely remembering that they’ve been planning this all week and homework isn’t nearly as fun as watching Nico lose (and she _always_ loses). “ _All_ of us. The car is leaving the garage in fifteen minutes.” 

She’s not surprised exactly fifteen minutes later, when she gets down to the car with Nico and Molly’s waiting at it with Gert. They don’t look like they’ve made up just yet but at least them being in such close proximity without going radioactive means that Karolina doesn’t have to spend the day walking on eggshells. 

Today is going to be a good day.

* * *

“Yes!” Alex cheers, pumping his fists in the air, grinning wide and big and he can just picture his friends behind him all making the same bored expression. His ball hasn’t even reached the pins yet but he can already tell it’s going to be a good one by the way it’s speeding down the waxed floor like a fireball. It rolls smoothly down the lane, going straight down the middle and knocking into each and every pin. 

It’s his fourth strike in a row. 

“This game isn’t fun anymore,” Karolina groans when he turns around to face them. He moves back to his seat next to Chase and gives him a high five. 

They’re playing on teams tonight. Nico and Karolina, Gert and Molly— because apparently, they made up in the five minutes it took to get from the car to their bowling lane— and him and Chase. So far it’s a tie between them and Gert and Molly. They’ve got the exact same number of points and pins down because Molly has more than one superpower— she can lift a truck with her bare hands _and_ bowl a strike with her eyes closed. 

Karolina keeps pseudo-complaining about the fact that she’s stuck with Nico as a partner. _Pseudo_ because instead of just admitting Nico is the worst bowler in the history of the world, she’s trying to sugarcoat it to protect Nico’s feelings. Which he gets, but still. 

“Nice job!” Chase says, still grinning.

“Whatever. It’s our turn.” Gert says, looking between the two of them and Molly. She gets up then, sticking her tongue out at him and Chase and walks over to the lanes. She grabs a ball on the way, one that matches her hair and looks like it could probably crush her. She looks at it for a moment and then puts it back into the cart. 

She stands in place, staring back at the bowling balls but never actually picking one up. She always does that. He’s pretty sure she’s examining them or maybe it’s just part of her routine to stare at the cart for a good thirty seconds because she always ends up choosing the same on. Whatever it is, though, it almost always guarantees that she’s going to knock down every single pin. Before he or Nico can start up their usual snarky remarks about how long she’s taking, Chase stands up and walks over to her, tapping a finger on her shoulder. They’re too far away for Alex to hear what Chase says, but whatever it is it makes Gert smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

Alex just watches as he leans in, whispering something to her before he kisses her cheek.

Chase is kind of their secret weapon, and the reason Alex knows for a fact that they’re going to win. Alex doesn’t know what he says to Gert— nor does he want to for the record because, _eww, boundaries_ — but it makes her blush and probably spun out into a haze so strong she botches the entire round. 

If it means he has to endure five minutes of Gert and Chase making out against a shaky cart full of bowling balls, then so be it. If Nico and Karolina weren’t so caught up in each other at the moment, they might have commented on it, but they’re too busy having a make-out session of their own in the booth across from him. 

God, he’s getting sick of being single. 

“Hey!” Molly shouts, when it’s been forever and Gert and Chase don’t look like they’re planning on stopping anytime soon. They pull away from each other and turn to face her, both blushing a little. “Could you please let Gert bowl and stop trying to sabotage us?” 

Chase raises lifts his hands up, feigning innocence. “I would never!” He says and it sounds entirely insincere and the damage has already been done. Chase returns to his seat a second later, a sort of smug look on his face.

It only _kind of_ works and Alex feels only _kind of_ guilty. 

Gert knocks down two pins.

“Sorry,” Gert mumbles, walking back to where Molly’s nursing her drink like it’s something _much_ stronger than it actually is. 

“Don’t be,” Molly says but she’s not even looking at Gert. She’s looking at him and Chase and he’s pretty sure her eyes are going to start glowing. “It’s not your fault, it’s _theirs_.” 

“Tag me in?” Gert asks, her face still a little red and smiling in a way that Alex can’t decipher. Molly groans. 

She gets up anyway, moving over to grab one of the bowling balls. “I hate boys,” Molly says, mutters it under her breath but it’s loud enough for them all to hear even with the arcade roaring behind them. Gert, Nico, and Karolina all burst out laughing in unison, share a look that Alex doesn’t understand. 

Molly rolls her eyes, turning around to ignore them all. She gets into position, aiming the ball, sends it rolling down the lane. It knocks down all of the pins Gert hadn’t because Molly is just _that_ good and they probably don’t stand a chance. 

She throws her arms up in triumph, tilts her head back and cheers for the hell of it, jumping up and down while she does it. She turns around to face them, with a blinding grin that matches Gert’s as she goes to sit next to her.

"That was amazing!” Gert says excitedly, slips easily into the hug Molly’s offering and Alex has no idea how they could go from wanting to murder each other twelve hours ago to _this_. He thinks it’s probably a sibling thing, and he’ll never get it. 

He’s got something pretty close, though, he’s got five of them and they’re all here tonight with him just like they are every other night. 

“My turn!” Nico says eventually, making her way over to the lanes. 

Chase huffs out a laugh once she’s turned around. “This should be fun to watch!” Karolina glares at him. 

If Nico hears any of it, she doesn’t say as she goes to grab a ball. As soon as she lifts it up, she glances back at all of them, not so subtly sending each other pointed looks, clearly amused. “Assholes!” Nico rolls her eyes, holding the ball in one hand and using the other to flip them off. 

To everyone’s surprise, Karolina is the first to start laughing. “Sorry,” she says in between deep breaths and giggles. “Sorry, it’s just....” 

“—you suck!” Gert interrupts with a laugh. Alex thinks she could’ve probably phrased it a little more delicately. Karolina must think so too because she stares at her with wide eyes, big and accusing. Alex has to hide his smile with a hand.

“Sorry,” Gert says, looking at Nico. She drops her head and offers her a half-smile. “But it’s true.” 

“It is not,” Nico says, clearly annoyed. She glares at Gert but there's no sting to it and she looks kind of goofy holding up a neon ball in one hand. It looks like it could topple her if she so much as shifts. 

“Nico, you’ve gotten four gutter balls in the last hour.” She’s glaring at Alex then and it looks a lot more threatening than it did a few seconds ago. 

“I’m just rusty.” 

“You’ve been _rusty_ since we were 8,” Chase interrupts with a grin. 

“Go fuck yourself.” Alex half expects Gert to say something about _“swearing in front of the fifteen-year-old_ ” but she doesn’t, too busy doubling over in laughter along with Molly.

“Don’t be mad,” Gert says, sings it like she does when she’s drunk even though she’s not right now— at least he doesn’t think she is. She’s been uncharacteristically chipper today and Alex is convinced it has something to do with the fact that he didn’t hear her pacing the halls last night at all. “We _loveee_ you.” She gets up and pulls Nico into a big bear hug, the bowling ball in her hand almost her slipping out of her grasp and crushing her foot. She catches it just in time. 

Nico turns to Karolina then, eyebrows creased in question. “Yes, it’s true we _loveee_ you,” she matches Gert’s tone and Molly laughs. Nico puts the ball she’s holding back down in its place after Gert pulls away from her and retires to her seat. 

“Sorry, babe,” Karolina says softly walking over to Nico to press a kiss to her cheek. “But that’s why we’re on a team— to help each other out!”

Nico seems unimpressed with her answer but she kisses her nonetheless, long and steady and the others have to force themselves to look away and hold back their laughter. Nico shrugs, unable to stop herself from matching Karolina’s grin. 

“Can you just throw the damn ball already?” Molly asks, sounding irritated. “Gert and I are ready to win!” 

“Molly, No cursing!” Gert says, then smiles. “But she’s right.” 

“Aww, it’s cute you guys think you stand a chance.” Alex laughs. Gert and Molly’s desperate need to win is the reason they’re here in the first place. Last week Karolina had suggested they do something and Molly suggested bowling in an attempt to recover from her devastating loss to Alex when they’d all come here for his birthday a few weeks ago. 

“Of course we do,” Gert scoffs. “Chase bowls almost as badly as Nico.”

“I do not!” Gert is still grinning when Chase turns around, pretending like he’s been fatally wounded. Gert blows him a kiss and he tries to keep up the act but Alex can see him smiling almost as widely as Gert is. 

It’s the kind of adorable bullshit they do every day that makes Alex feel like he’s going to throw up. 

“He does not,” Alex says in Chase’s defense, although it’s mainly because _no one_ bowls nearly as badly as Nico does. 

“I am _not_ a bad bowler!” Nico says, firmly, picking up a different ball. She’s clearly still in denial, Alex thinks. “Quit arguing so I can prove it.” 

She does the opposite of proving it. Her ball screeches down the lane at snail’s pace, only to curve into the gutter at the last second. 

Her next attempt goes just as well. 

“Whatever.” 

Chase gets up to go next. He swings the ball back and forth for a few seconds before finally sending it flying down the aisle, knocking down every single pin. When he’s done he looks back at Gert with a smug grin, telling her, “I am _way_ better than Nico.” 

Gert raises an eyebrow at him as he moves to return to his seat, half-impressed, half-annoyed. She turns to Molly. “You’re up, kid.” 

“Can’t,” Molly says, mouth full of chocolate milkshake. She gestures to the drink in her hand. “This is too good, I’m focusing.” 

“Fine,” Gert scoffs, getting up. 

“Chase you better keep your weird perverted brain away from my sister!” Molly says, tries to sound stern but her mouth is full and she’s not even looking them. 

“I’m just wishing her good luck!” He says, walking up to Gert. She misses the pins. Again. Alex is starting to get the idea that there’s going to be hell to pay when she comes off of whatever Chase-induced high she is on long enough to realize what he’s doing. 

For now, he doesn’t really care. Because it’s the last round and he and Chase are about to win. 

* * *

Chase doesn’t think anything will ever come close to the rush he gets from playing lacrosse. There’s really nothing like it. 

He especially loves it tonight. When the crowd in the stands is roaring, loud and boisterous and providing an adrenaline rush like nothing he’s ever felt. He’s always loved it. He likes knowing that he and his teammates are running like one big undefeated machine. He likes that even though there _is_ a method to being the best, it’s mostly heart. And he’s got a lot of that, too much sometimes. Right now it’s paying off. 

He can feel the wind in his face, moving with the rain falling hard and heavy, as he dodges his opponents and makes his way across the field, scoring one last shot as the buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the game. 

The crowd goes wild. 

His friends are somewhere in the middle of it, cheering him on, he can hear them through all the chaos even if he can’t see them. 

His teammates are all cheering, too. Patting him on the back and congratulating him, swallowing him into a sea of noise and excitement. They’re all buzzing off of this win and he’s pretty sure he could live off this high for weeks. When he _finally_ makes it out of the chaos, desperate to find his friends, the bleachers are almost empty and he wonders how long he’d spent caught up in it. 

It doesn’t matter because he feels a little like he’s floating right now. Chase doesn’t think anything will ever come close to the rush he gets from playing lacrosse... and then he sees Gert. 

He can see her grinning from all the way across the field, eyes lighting up as soon as she sees him. She’s been like that all week, happy, or more relaxed than she was before at least. Chase is convinced it has to do with the fact that she’s finally sleeping better which has to do with the fact that she opened up to him almost a week ago about what’s been keeping her up. He felt sick the second she’d said that she was having nightmares, even more when she told him they were about him dying. The _other_ him. He wishes she would have said something sooner but right now he’s just happy she said anything at all. He’s been trying to help her out— making her warm cups of chamomile tea every night, which she hates but drinks anyway because it helps, whispering deep into the night that he’s here and he’s okay. He knows that one conversation in the middle of the night isn’t going to change the fact that Gert is still struggling with this, so he’s made it his mission to make sure they get through it... together. 

Together is the only way. 

Gert is bouncing toward him with a smile so bright Chase thinks it could probably put the stars to shame, and he’s frozen in place. Gert comes crashing right into him and Chase wraps his arms around her waist a smile, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around in a dizzying haze. 

Gert wraps her legs around his waist instead of slipping onto the ground when they eventually come to a stop. She lifts a hand up to his face, brushes it over his cheek before cupping it. “You did it!” She says softly, let’s out a shaky breath. She’s looking down at him all doe-eyed and breathtaking. The floodlights above them shine over her like a halo. _God,_ Chase doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything so beautiful. “I knew you would.” Her eyes look so pretty in this light, deep brown and endless, that for a minute all he can do is stare. 

Gert kisses him then, closes the short distance between them to press her lips to his, long and hard like they’ve got all the time in the world. She tastes like rain and caramel popcorn. Her hair is a little wet, cold against his skin, but his is _soaked_ and she runs her fingers through it in that way that just completely calms everything in him. 

Eventually, they break apart, slowly and reluctantly. They don’t move too far, Gert resting her forehead against his so all that’s between them are shaky breaths and rain mixing with dirt. “Hi,” he whispers, soft and small. 

“Hi,” she breathes, smiling against his skin. She brushes a strand of wet hair out of her face and tucks it behind her ear. God, he wants to kiss her so badly right n- “Molly was getting _hangry_ ,” Gert says out of the blue, cuts off his train of thought. “So everyone is headed to _Sophie’s_ right now... I told them we’d meet them there.” 

“Oh?” Gert swallows, nods. Chase sets her down on her feet, keeps his hands around her waist because he’s not ready to let go yet.

“Mhmm,” she hums into his lips, kissing him again, different this time. Chase is caught off guard by the intensity of it, how quickly it escalates. It takes him a minute to catch up to her because of it. The kiss is breathy and hasty and when she pulls back she’s staring at him with a look that he thinks is going to be burned into his brain for the rest of eternity. Gert bites down on her bottom lip, leaning up toward him again, but this time her lips brush against his ear and she whispers, “Have I ever told you how good you look in that uniform?” 

She pulls back then, and Chase just stares back for a second, a little too stunned to react. Her lips are red and swollen, pupils so dilated that all he can see when he looks into her eyes is a thin ring of amber. Chase clears his throat, shaking his head. 

“We should probably do something about that then,” Gert mumbles, doesn’t wait for a response before she’s slipping her tongue into his mouth again, curling her fingers into his jersey and pulling him along with her to... wherever the hell she’s going. 

They’re going to the, seemingly abandoned, girls locker room, apparently. For probably the first time ever, Chase is so so glad that Atlas’ dance squad doesn’t give a shit about their lacrosse games. It means Gert can lock the door behind them and Chase can kiss her up against it, long and zealous until he feels like he’s going to die because of the little moan she’s making every time she says his name. 

Before he really knows what’s happening, Chase is lifting Gert up and she’s wrapping her legs around his waist. She’s wearing a spirit week headband in her hair—gold and silver tinsel and a banner that reads _Atlas_ — but she pulls it out of her wet hair then, tosses it off into the darkness of the room and shakes her hair out. Chase leans down to kiss her again, can’t really seem to get enough no matter what, this time spinning around, walking the two of them deeper into the dark of the room. 

Gert doesn’t exactly make it easy. He can’t even keep his focus long enough to flip on a light switch before she’s kissing him again. She pulls back a second later, breathless and dark-eyed and when she leans in again it’s to trail kisses over his jawline. He turns on the lights as Gert is making her way down his neck, letting her lips roam over his collarbone, pausing when the room lights up to look up at him with stars for eyes. She goes back to her crusade down his neck as Chase pulls back to scab the room for somewhere they can actually do _this_ because his knees feel like they’re about to buckle from how good Gert kissing him feels. 

It’s not long before he’s stopping though, coming to a harsh standstill against one of the mosaic walls because Gert keeps sucking little marks into his neck and if he doesn’t kiss her properly he thinks he’s going to explode. Gert smiles into it, her arms wrapping around his neck, fingers curling into his hair. 

Somewhere in the middle of chipped metal lockers and lavender incense, Chase finds a desk that he’s pretty sure belongs to one of the girls’ coaches but he could not care less as he lowers Gert onto it. She moans into his mouth then, because maybe she’s trying to kill him, and his fingers dig into her thighs, crashing against a mug full of pens when she pulls him closer. 

Gert lifts her hands to frame his face as she keeps kissing him, harder still, as Chase slips his hand under her shirt and ghosts his fingers up her side. She responds with a breathy moan that’s swallowed into their kiss, sends shivers down his spine like it always does because it’s fucking mesmerizing, and all Chase can think is that he’s pretty sure she’s ruined him completely for other women. She’s set the bar so high no one is ever going to come close. To be fair though, even if they could, he couldn’t care less. He has long since accepted his fate of being in love with Gert for the rest of his life. 

“We’re gonna break something,” Gert says with a laugh in between kisses, but really she doesn’t look even a little bothered despite the fact that he’s pretty sure he heard a crash when the mug hit the ground. She pulls away from him then, so quickly that it feels a little like he’s being shocked. She unwraps her arms from around him too, to squeeze out of her hoodie— his hoodie, actually, but she kidnapped it months ago and there’s no way he’s asking for it back when she looks like _this_ good in it. She’s got nothing but a black, lacy bra that ties at the back of her neck on and for a second Chase’s brain short circuits and all he can do is look at her, frozen in place. 

“You’re staring,” she says when her fingers _finally_ brush themselves along his cheeks, returning to their place roped through his hair. Her tone is teasing and soft and he wonders how she still manages to say something coherent enough that it makes him blush because he can hardly think straight right now. 

Chase swallows, leans in to kiss her again. “You’re beautiful.” Gert is, hands down, the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. Every single one of her features looks like it’s been pulled right down from heaven to form the constellation that is Gert. 

It’s Gert’s turn to blush then. He doesn’t get to revel in it though because her lips are crashing into his before he can blink. Gert’s hands trail down the side of his body as she kisses him, tugging on the hem of his lacrosse jersey when she reaches it. Chase reaches up to pull it over his head and he hears Gert make a muffled, strangled sound that is definitely going to be messing with him forever. “You okay?” He asks, and she nods eagerly, answers with a high-pitched _yes_ before moving her lips back to his but Chase has a different idea. She runs her fingers down his chest, moving them up and down over his abs and Chase lets out a little laugh that gets swallowed into her lips. 

He’s ghosting kisses over her neck, helping her untie the ribbon of her bra in a fiery frenzy until it falls off and then he’s kissing his way her collar bone and onto her chest. It’s warm against his mouth, still holding traces of rainwater and adrenaline. Chase starts sucking on her skin when she leans closer into him, curls her legs around his waist so there’s no space between them, slow and steady. He’s almost certain that tomorrow there’s going to be a map of everywhere he’s been laid out on her skin. Gert lets out a moan as his hand moves up the inside of her thigh slowly, teeters under her skirt, his thumb sliding up under her panties and over her clit. “ _Chase_ ,” she says, breathy and needy and mind-numbing. 

He pushes two fingers inside her, shallowly, sinking them in and Gert moans against his skin, her head falling onto his shoulder. He’s barely gotten started before Gert’s curling her fingers into his hair, tighter. “ _Stop teasing me_ ,” she pleads, decides now is the perfect time to start sucking a hickey on his neck and Chase almost can’t breathe. He thinks it is incredibly unfair, for the record— unfair that just the sound of her voice so needy is giving her the upper hand despite the fact that his fingers are inside of her, unfair that she looks and sounds this good and he’s just supposed to _not_ melt right in her arms. 

Chase grins back at her, readjusts himself between her legs as he slowly recoils his fingers from inside her. Gert is three steps ahead of him, already pulling at the waistband of his pants. When he finally steps out of them, Gert pulls him back to her, kisses him like she’s on fire and he’s the only thing capable of putting it out. 

It’s _hot_. 

Gert is a vision. She’s gorgeous and if they were moving just a little slower he would take a minute to drink her in again, but Gert is whimpering when his hands start moving up and down her thighs again and there’s no way he’s slowing down now. She gasps when he hooks his thumb into the lingerie— yes, _lingerie_ , because Gert is decidedly trying to kill him— she’s wearing and sends it slipping down her bare legs and teases her with the head of his cock. She’s panting then, her hands pulling at his wet hair and pulling him up to kiss her again and again and again.

“Chasee— _fuck_ ,” she starts to whine, cut off by Chase pushing inside her unannounced. Her words are muffled then, morphed into a moan so transcendent he’s going to be trapped in this moment for the rest of his life because he won’t be able to stop hearing it ever. 

His hands go into her hair, then, resting against the back of her neck like they were made to be there, to sit perfectly in the arch of her shoulders. He moves into her slowly first, her walls tight and warm and accepting, easing into it. His hands find their place on her thighs eventually, keeping her right where she is because he doesn’t want her to move even an inch. Gert is arching her back into him, trying to steady herself by digging her nails into the skin of his back, then his shoulders and it is definitely going to leave a mark, once he starts moving faster. 

“Chase,” she gasps out, looks at him with eyes sparkling and it’s all he’s going to be seeing every time he closes his eyes from now until the end of time. Gert swallows, entirely too breathless. She rests her forehead against his as she pulls one hand from around to reach down and circle her own clit with her fingers, biting her bottom lip as she watches him move in and out of her. Chase presses slow long kisses to her neck as Gert’s fingers rub against her clit, matching his pace, and she tilts her head back to give him a better angle, leaning into it.

They move like that for a while, loud and feverish and hazy from how good it is, because, _fuck_ , it’s so good. She’s a blur of incoherence and otherworldliness when she comes, face buried into the crook of his neck and body presses up against his. He knows she has because her breathing goes from gasps of air to slow and still in a matter of seconds. She kisses the side of his neck, her fingers lost somewhere in his hair. 

He fucks into her harder, then, feels almost intoxicated, comes with a breathless moan that gets strangled into his lips sucking on her skin, because what’s one more hickey going to do when she’s already covered in them? He pulls back to catch his breath, loosens the grip he has on her waist and lets out another in a long line of shaky breaths, just trying to salvage as much fucking air as he can get because his lungs feel like they’re deflating. 

Gert shifts a few centimeters back into the desk so she can lean against the wall behind it. 

She leans forward to kiss him once more, slowly this time, chest heaving and falling with his. When she looks down at her chest a minute later she lets out a little laugh, “I, uh, I think I’m going to need to invest in some turtlenecks soon.” 

Chase smiles at her. She’s so beautiful. “Yeah, that might be a good idea.”

* * *

Gert and Chase finally decide to join them when Sophie’s has all but cleared out. It’s just the six of them and a few other strangers sitting at the counter watching whatever game is playing on the small broken-down TV set. They’ve been here long enough that Molly has noticed every occurrence of chipped red paint on the walls surrounding them. 

Molly watches them from across the diner where she and Klara are having a go at the crane machine. It’s filled with novelty prizes like lollipop rings and chocolate bunnies and a variety of other random things that are not worth the total of thirty (thirty!) dollars they’ve spent on it now. Neither of them has won a single thing and Molly’s starting to get a little annoyed. 

“Nice of you to make it,” Alex says as Gert and Chase approach the booth. 

“We got lost.” Nico and Karolina shift into the booth to make space for the two of them. Her nails rap against the table anxiously, pick at a patch of missing paint. Karolina scoffs. 

It’s Klara’s turn at the crane and while she struggles with a pink bunny that is pretty much impossible to get out, Molly watches her friends. Gert sees her from across the room and offers a warm, comforting, trade-mark Gert smile that makes her feel happy for no reason. It’s the same smile she gave her the night she moved in with them. Molly crept into her room— because the Yorkes’ were new and strange and Gert was her cool, awesome friend who wasn’t scared of anything— and Gert smiled so bright Molly felt at home for the first time all day. 

They haven’t talked much since their fight last week and Molly feels awful about it. They talked the day after, or Gert talked, mostly. She apologized profusely for everything she said, even said they could talk about Molly dropping out if it’s what she really wanted— something which really wasn’t necessary since it took all of two hours after the fight for Molly to realize how dramatic she was being. 

The kid she punched— Mark maybe, she isn’t actually sure what he’s called, only that he sounded annoying— seemed genuinely sorry when she saw him again on Monday. She’s been spending a lot of time with Klara since then, too, which is just… Great. Because Klara is exactly the type of friend Molly’s always wanted. 

Speak of the devil… Klara taps on her shoulder then, pulls her from the trajectory she’d been spinning on. “Earth to Molly,” she says with a laugh, takes a sip of her milkshake. Her turn on the crane is over and the pink bunny still sits atop a mountain of colorful candies. “I said I’m going again. I’m getting that bunny.” 

“Good luck with that one,” Molly says but Klara’s already putting in a token and twisting the lever. It moves down right above the pink bunny, grabs onto one of its paws. She hears Nico say something as Klara shouts in triumph, pulls the bunny up and leaves Molly feeling a little devastated but she’s still grinning wide. 

When she looks back at her friends, Gert’s cheeks are flaming, bright and red as she looks away. Chase’s expression mirrors hers when he mumbles something. The rest of them start laughing then. Loud and good. They don’t stop until a waitress comes around to ask if they’ll have anything else.

“Told ya I’d get it!” Klara sings. “Wanna go again?” Molly nods eagerly. 

She’s running on steaming and bitter coffee tonight, in the hopes that her being this awake means Nico will let her drive home since she looks like she’s about to pass out. Its Nico’s turn to drive tonight and since there’s no way it’s safe for her or Karolina or Alex to get behind the wheel when they both look like they’re about to pass out any second now, Molly was almost certain she would get a turn. But now that Gert and Chase are back Nico will probably just shirk her responsibility onto one of them since they both seem to be in such good moods. 

They’re not even supposed to be out this late. They’re supposed to be home and asleep by now because tomorrow is homecoming and they’re all running on virtually no rest at this point. 

But Chase won his first game since they got back and it’s raining outside and tonight kind of feels a little magical for some reason. So who cares, right? 

“Definitely!”

* * *

_3..._

Nico smiles when she feels Karolina’s warm breath on her neck, the scent of spiked raspberry punch tainting her skin with every butterfly kiss pressed onto her. She trails her way up Nico’s neck, onto her lips. It’s a sloppy kiss, they’re in such an awkward position and both a little tipsy, but Nico almost feels like she’s transcending realms when Karolina kisses her like this. 

She’s convinced that no feeling will ever beat this. This right here, this kiss under fluorescent light that tastes like raspberries and cheap tequila, is where she peaks. There is nowhere on earth she would rather be right now. 

Okay, well maybe not _nowhere_. She’d like to be doing this exact same thing somewhere that’s _not_ inside a photo-booth in the middle of a school dance. 

_2..._

Contrary to popular belief, Nico is really happy to be here tonight. She can’t remember the last time she was excited to go to a school dance, let alone Homecoming— probably because it never happened— but she’s been waiting for this since they first announced it was happening at a pep rally a few weeks ago. 

She’d gone all out after that, gotten Karolina a box of chocolates and a bouquet of daisies, which have always been her favorite since forever, and asked her to go with her. Karolina had laughed and said she’d already assumed they were going together. 

She said yes, anyway, took the chocolates and the flowers and kissed Nico until she couldn’t feel anything. 

_1..._

Gert, Chase, and Alex were supposed to join them in here like ten minutes ago— to “make some tangible memories,” Gert had said— but they’ve all kind of sauntered off since then. Nico isn’t exactly in a rush to go and find them. Karolina is still kissing her and she can’t really see anything but stars. 

Karolina pulls back at the last second, her lips a little swollen, light pink lipstick mixed with Nico’s dark shade and smudged onto her bottom lip. 

Nico smiles at her, bright and toothy, leaning in to wipe the smudge with her thumb just as the camera goes off. 

_Click!_

A bright flash of light comes and goes, leaves them a little stunned. Karolina giggles and it’s what Nico imagines an angel singing would sound like. 

_3..._

As soon as the flash fades, Karolina is tilting her frame, pushing Nico up against the wooden bench as she crashes their lips together in another searing kiss. 

Nico thinks she shouldn’t be allowed to be this good of a kisser— not when she looks the way she does and is practically an angel already. Being this good a kisser just means that Nico is so caught up in the kiss that she doesn’t hear any of the clocks ticking or the timer counting down in big neon numbers in front of them. 

_2..._

Nico laughs into her mouth, her hands roaming over Karolina’s dress. It’s blue and strapless and so beautiful that when Nico saw her in it she was frozen and speechless. That _is_ just Karolina’s general effect on her, though. Molly had started laughing then and Karolina was blushing bright pink. She looked breathtaking. 

She _is_ breathtaking. This kiss is evidence. 

_1..._

Karolina uses her free hand to brush back some of the hair falling onto Nico’s forehead, before smirking into the kiss. 

Her smile is warm like her lips. 

Nico loves her girlfriend’s smile. She thinks if she had to choose between never seeing the sun again or never seeing her smile again, the world would be covered in constant darkness and it would be worth it. 

_Click!_

The flash from the camera tears them apart. For a second there Nico almost forgot where they were.

_3..._

So did Karolina, apparently, because when the timer starts up again it sends her head down onto Nico’s shoulder in giggles. 

Karolina sits upright then and tries to compose herself even though she looks perfect. 

_2..._

The music from outside has gotten lower, which probably means they’re in the middle of a drink break and people are going to start tugging at the curtain of the booth any second now. Until then, Nico would like to spend as much time in this blissful escape with Karolina as she can. 

_1..._

“Smile,” Karolina whispers, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. “Come on, we need at least _one_ decent one.” 

_Click!_

Nico doesn’t smile. She kisses Karolina like they’re both fireworks going off. She can tell that Karolina’s trying to look annoyed but instead, she just laughs into her lips, revels in the kiss because it’s _fireworks_. 

They’re New Year's Eve or something even better. 

“What if we just stayed here forever?” 

“That sounds like a dream,” Karolina smiles into her lips, feathers a kiss onto her forehead. Of course, they can’t actually stay here forever. As much as they want to. Someone is knocking on the outside of the booth, telling them they need to get out of it. 

It takes a few minutes for the pictures to develop and print out of the booth. They’re a mess. Nico can’t really see anything except for blurs of motion that look vaguely like the two of them. She can make out the Cinderella-blue of Karolina’s dress and the purple of her own. 

“These came out great.” Karolina laughs, nods her head. “Really! I’m putting them up on the fridge.” 

Nico smiles at her. “Mhmm.” 

Another song starts playing then, soft and slow. The lights turn pink to match its ambiance, flickering and sparkling like they’ve stepped into a fairytale maybe. It definitely feels like it. 

“Dance with me?” 

Nico shakes her head. “I’m not really— okay.” If there’s a way to say _No_ to Karolina, Nico hasn’t found it yet. She drops her shoulders, smiles to match Karolina and feels a bit like the luckiest person in the world. 

She takes Karolina’s outstretched hand contently, following her onto the flashing dance floor.

Nico likes dancing with Karolina because it doesn’t really feel like dancing. It feels like something else— her arms wrapped around Karolina’s waist and Karolina’s hooking around her neck, holding each so so close. It feels like they’re a life raft in an ocean maybe, or something else less intense. 

It feels intimate and special and like they’re the only people who exist. 

“We should’ve danced together that night.” The satin of Karolina’s dress feels soft under her fingertips, always slipping away. Nico doesn’t have to ask which night she’s talking about because she’s thinking the same thing. The last time they were at a school dance, the last time they were in this exact place. The night Karolina kissed her for the first time and the sun started orbiting the earth. 

Karolina elaborates anyway. She looks like an angel under the limelight— well, Karolina always looks like an angel, but right now the lights are painting a halo above her head and it’s so _obvious_. “When the world was “ending,”” she un-loops her hands from around Nico’s neck for long enough to put up quotation marks in the air. “We should’ve danced together. I wanted to dance with you.” 

“You should’ve just asked, silly,” she says even though she knows it wasn’t that simple. It’s never simple with them. Except for right now— right now is the easiest it’s ever been and she loves it. 

Karolina shrugs. If she didn’t ask it’s probably because she thought the world was ending or because they were all _terrified_ that night or because of the whole Alex thing that they are never-ever _ever_ speaking of again or maybe it was something else. 

Nico smiles, leaning in to kiss her one more time. “Let’s make up for it tonight, then.”

* * *

Gert is a jealous person. She is. 

And she fucking hates it. 

It’s something she’s hated about herself for as long as she can remember. She doesn’t want to be a jealous person— of course not, _who ever wants to be a jealous person, you idiot_ , the voice in her head says. It’s not like she woke up this morning thinking hey why don’t I set feminism and emotional intimacy back a couple of decades today? She can’t help it. It’s the product of years of anxiety and insecurities, constantly questioning whether or not she was enough and never feeling satisfied with the answer. She’s tried to ignore it and be ‘ _better than that_ ‘ like her old therapist suggested, but sometimes she can’t really quiet her mind. 

Like right now, for example, as she watches from a few feet away and feels like she’s about to burst into flames at the sight of Chase being flirted with. 

God, she’s not nearly as emotionally mature as she likes to think she is. How can she be when just the sight of her boyfriend talking to another girl is setting her off like this? 

Although in her defense, the girl is gorgeous, looks like she’s been pulled straight from a magazine cover. She looks perfect, in every way that Gert isn’t, and yeah that probably sounds a lot more self-deprecating than Gert meant it to be and it also goes against almost all of her beliefs as a feminist but her brain doesn’t really seem to be taking any of those things into account right now. The girl Chase is flirting with is wearing a big ball gown dress, pink and sparkly to match the glitters she’s laced into her hair. She looks exactly like the type of girl Chase should end up with. 

They’d make a gorgeous couple, she thinks. 

She _does_ realize how unfair this is, by the way. Because Chase has repeatedly admitted to being in love with her and they’re in a serious, committed relationship and here she is picturing his entire white picket fence life with a girl whose name she doesn’t even know, not giving Chase nearly enough credit. 

Knowing that— knowing that he loves her, remembering the way he kissed her last night, knowing that she thinks she loves him too, knowing that he means it when he says he can’t picture his life without her— still doesn’t change the simple fact that she _is_ a jealous person. 

She can’t help it. 

Chase laughs at something the girl says, soft and sweet like he sometimes does when they’re alone, and Gert feels like she might be sick. She’s going to throw up all over this beautiful dress that Molly helped her find and that’s not even going to be the worst part of tonight. 

“Gert,” Alex says. Shit. They’d been in the middle of a conversation before she’d gotten lost in her own thoughts. She feels even worse. Shit. 

“Sorry,” she says sincerely, but she’s still looking at Chase so it probably doesn’t have the effect she’d wanted it to. 

“I asked if you were okay?” Alex says, must catch the look on her face or her clenched fists or the lingering glances she’s giving Chase because his face softens a little when she turns to face him. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says and it’s only sort of a lie. As she says it, Chase’s eyes meet hers in the sea of people between them. He seems surprised to see her, eyes widening a little before he mutters what’s probably a goodbye to the girl, making his way toward Alex and Gert. 

She’s definitely going to be sick. “Actually,” she says to Alex, “I need some air.” She doesn’t wait for a response before she’s walking away, practically sprinting out of the room before Chase can catch up to her. 

It isn’t until she swings the unfamiliar back door to the ballroom open that she realizes she’s ended up at the emergency staircase. She decides she’s probably better off here, either way, with some time and space for all of these feelings to subdue. She collapses onto the first of the steps leading to the floor above this one. 

It’s not fresh air exactly— it’s tainted with the smell of the heavy-duty bleach the janitor uses to clean the floors and the assortment of baked goods being served at the dance— but it helps. 

“Hey.” 

It takes less time than she expects for Chase to find her. By the time he does she’s completely cemented her place on the steps, pulled off her heels and taken her hair out of the obnoxiously tight high-pony Karolina had put it in for her. 

She can’t bring herself to say anything. 

“You okay?” He asks, lets out a deep breath as he sits down next to her. “Alex told me...” Chase stops, like he’s contemplating what to say next. “He said you left for some air,” is what he settles on. 

“Yeah.” Gert nods. It feels like the few centimeters between them on the cold stairs have stretched into miles. “I kind of felt like the walls were closing in on me.” 

She can see the worry flash across his face then, can see it deep in the hazel of his eyes and she hates herself for feeling everything she has tonight. Hates that she would ever doubt him when he’s done nothing but prove that he’s always going to be here. Chase reaches a hand out to her, takes hers in it. He brings it to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of hers. Gert smiles at him. 

“If it was about me and… what you saw back there, you should know it was nothing.” 

“Are you sure?” She hears herself say, hates how small her voice sounds and she feels. “Cause it looked like it was… something. It looked like you liked it too.” 

“We were talking,” Chase says. He sounds hurt. He sounds so disappointed. Gert still can’t look at him. She kind of wishes the ground would swallow her whole. “About _you_ , by the way,” he adds. Gert turns to look at him, really. Chase huffs out a laugh. “She’s in my Spanish class. She wanted to know how I got so good overnight and I told her my _awesome girlfriend_ is an amazing teacher.” 

Great. 

If it’s supposed to make her feel better, it doesn’t. She feels worse. She’s appalled. 

The teasing smile on his face helps a little on that front. So does the squeeze he gives her hand just then. She’s blushing but she still says, “You do know we’re at a school dance right? No one talks about how good you got at Spanish overnight, _unless_ …” 

Chase closes his eyes shut with a deep sigh. It’s a weird feeling because, on the one hand, she knows it means she’s right and on the other, she has no idea what the fuck to do with that information. “Okay so maybe _she_ was flirting,” he says, raises his hand in mock surrender. “But I wouldn’t even think about it. You know you’re the only one for me.” 

This isn’t the first time he’s said something like that. His voice has a teasing lilt to it and later on, she’ll cite that as the reason she doesn’t entirely believe him. Even if she really, _really_ wants to. 

His eyes are big and bright and so persuasive. She doesn’t really believe him but she nods anyway. She clears her throat, wills her flaming cheeks to cool down. “I think that’s the corniest thing you’ve ever said.” Deflection has always been what she’s best at, hiding from her feelings and the voices in her head. 

“You say that about everything I say.” 

Gert smiles then, she can’t really stop herself. She slides across the step, closing the distance between them to kiss Chase— long and slow like she always wants to. He smiles into it. 

“I want to show you something,” she says a minute later when his forehead is resting against hers. She picks up her heels off the ground, collecting them in one hand so she can hold Chase’s in the other, lead him up the staircase and away from the noise of the party. 

* * *

“I didn’t even know our school _had_ a roof.”

“Most people don’t,” She says. She holds open the door for Chase and he walks out onto the vast strip of roof. “When I was in theater club for a while after Amy-“ 

“- _You were in theater club_?” Chase asks softly. Gert nods.

He sometimes forgets that there was a whole chunk of her life that he wasn’t a part of. Sure, it’s not that big relatively speaking but in hindsight, it’s two whole years he could’ve spent closer to Gert and he just… missed out on them. It feels like a loss, definitely something to be sad about. Still, he does think it was for the best, honestly, as much of a bummer as it is. The person he was back then didn’t deserve Gert. He wasn’t nearly good enough for her and he probably would have lost her, she would have slipped out of his hands and he would have been too stupid to do anything about it. He’s had to do so much growing up since then. He’s changed so much. It’s all worth it, he thinks, if it means he gets to end up at this exact point. 

The universe must’ve known what it was doing all along. 

Gert places a brick between the door and the wall to keep it from locking shut, follows him out onto the roof with a secret kind of smile. “They would sometimes store props in the room over there.” She gestures to a tiny shed-type room on the other side of the roof. “That’s how I found it. And then I’d always just come up here for some fresh air when I need it. The view is so pretty.” 

“Yeah.” 

Gert laughs when she catches him staring at her. “You’re so subtle.” 

“Sorry,” he says, but he can’t really be anything besides giddy when she’s smiling like that. 

“Are you?” She asks, a teasing lilt to her voice as the reach the edge of the roof. She’s right, the view is amazing. Chase can see everything from up here— it looks like the entire world. “Because you don’t look sorry...” 

Gert leans against the railing that’s bordering up the roof, looks at him pointedly and he raises his hands in surrender. She’s let’s out a shaky breath when he joins her, whispers, “ _I’m_ sorry.” 

Chase looks at her confused then. The wind is blowing around the skirt of dress— pink to match her cheeks in the cold. He’d been floored when he saw her in it for the first time, tiptoeing in their room with her chunky heels a few nights before when she’d tried it on. She still looks beautiful, a timeless kind of beauty that makes his heart ache to kiss her right now. The moon hanging above them only enhances it. 

“About before,” Gert clarifies, dropping her head. In the cold, he can still feel the ghost of her fingers in his. “That was unfair of me. I know _that_ it’s just... sometimes my anxiety makes things that should be obvious seem like a hazy dream.” 

She sounds like she’s crying but her eyes are dry even if they won’t look at him. 

“It’s okay.” He tells her, reaches out for her hand. She does that a lot— apologizes for things that are out of her control, no matter how many times he tells her she doesn’t have to. No matter how many times he tells her he doesn’t need her to. “You don’t have to apologize for that. Ever.” 

“Except I do,” she whispers, inches closer so she can rest her head on his shoulder. Chase instinctively wraps an arm around her waist. ” I... I don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you, because I do. Okay? Completely.“ Chase nods and she breathes into his skin. “But seeing you like that... with her... I mean, she is gorgeous and she’s _so_ your type and just the complete opposite of me.” 

“Gert-“ 

She shakes her head, swallows a deep breath, and he feels it against his chest. “Sometimes I feel like some crazy outlier next to the girls you’ve been with. Like the fact that we’re even together is just a fluke.” She lets out a shaky breath. “I mean, objectively, I know that’s not true. I know we’re like... soulmates or something else just as intense. Sometimes my brain just forgets, I guess.” 

Chase pulls back then, a little too sharply because Gert’s head slips off his chest, but he doesn’t mean for that to happen. When she looks up at him again, confused as ever, he leans in to press his forehead against hers. 

“Gert, you are not an outlier.” 

“I _know_ ,” she says. Unconvincing. 

“I mean it, okay?” She still won’t bring her eyes up to meet his. Chase lets out a small chuckle, tells her softly, “Gert, you’re not just a random girl in a series of them... It’s _you_.” 

“It’s me?” 

“You’re it for me... You’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted.” He doesn’t realize just how true it is until he hears it leave his lips. 

Chase thinks he’s loved Gert since before he even really understood what love was. Even when they were little, even when they fought over silly things like who’d be the best supervillain, even when they weren’t really friends, even when he was terrified to say it out loud. She’s always had a pull on him. She’s always been his favorite person. 

“It feels like you’re just messing with me now.” Of course, she doesn’t believe him. It constantly baffles him how she doesn’t know that she’s probably the most amazing person who has ever been alive. 

Chase scoffs. “Gert I have been in love with you since we were like 12 years old.” 

“What?” Chase nods. 

Gert swallows, squeezing her eyes shut. 

The corners of her lips tilt upward then, warm enough that it reaches her eyes and Chase can’t help but smile back. “Chase,” she says, in that exasperated way that she sometimes does when she’s trying to explain something to him and he’s too busy staring at her to actually retain any of the information so she has to repeat herself over again. “I had a crush on you for all of high school. Longer, even.” 

It’s the last thing he expects to hear. She must catch the expression on his face because she pulls back to rolls her eyes then, folding her arms in front of her chest. “I’m being serious.” 

He can’t think of anything to say then. He would like to say that whatever she had couldn’t possibly be as bad as how captivated by her he was. He wants to tell her how he spent the entire two years they weren’t friends kicking himself for not reaching out, that every time she passed him in the hallway he just knew he’d be dreaming of purple hair for days to come, that all he’s ever wanted since he was old enough to understand anything was to be enough for her. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He says instead. 

Gert shrugs. “Why didn’t you?” He has no idea. He’s a fucking idiot. She leans in to kiss him then, warm against the cold air. She tastes like the drinks they’ve had too many of and the citrus lip balm she’s been using religiously for the last few months. 

Her eyes are sparkling when they meet his again, forehead pressed into his and lips only a few inches away. He loves her so much. “You really think we’re soulmates?” He asks softly, because his mind hasn’t been able to drop it since she said it. He doesn’t want to. 

He thinks that’s exactly what they are— a culmination of aligned stars and fate and destiny and inevitability. 

“Duh,” Gert laughs, but it still sounds unnervingly sincere. 

She’s beaming— a smile dancing recklessly across her face… to mirror his, probably— when he kisses her again. Chase wills it to last forever. 

* * *

Gert is on some kind of sugar high right now. Her, Karolina, Nico, Molly are all huddled around the kitchen counter, drowning their scoops of ice cream in an overabundance of syrup and sweets. They’re having a girls night (!!!!) because Chase and Alex are both busy apparently so why the hell not, right?! 

If Gert wanted to she could get hung up on the fact that it feels like she hasn’t seen Chase all week, because he’s never home when she gets back and he’s still up working on his homework when she goes to bed. If she wanted to she could say that she misses him like all the time and she feels horrible for being _this_ codependent. 

She does not want to, for obvious reasons, i.e. that it’ll probably end with her sobbing. 

She’s happy to have girls night anyway. It’s been way too long since they’ve done this, Gert thinks. Opportunities for girls nights in the midst of— well, pretty much everything they’ve been through— were pretty few and far between. They’ve got an ice cream station going right now, per Molly’s suggestion, and later on, they’re going to watch a movie— Karolina’s choice because apparently Gert isn’t allowed to choose anymore since she made them all watch a documentary on the effects of socialism once and they fell asleep before 8 pm. 

“What am I looking at here?” Molly’s new friend Klara asks. Gert already likes Klara for two main reasons apart from the fact that she showed up with a bag of sour worms which are Gert’s Achilles heel. For one thing, she’s fifteen and called Joan Didion a cultural phenomenon which is just... _Woah_. And for another, she thinks Molly is awesome which automatically makes her awesome by default. 

Molly stands up proudly, gesturing to the mess in front of her. “Gummy bears, chocolate syrup, cherries, jellybeans, marshmallows, every type of whipped cream under the sun... Oh! and bananas for if you want a sundae.” She looks so happy, emptying out bags of chocolate chips into different colored bowls, adding them to the death-by-sugar-overdose pile they’ve got going on here. They’re all happy tonight, actually. 

They’ve been happy a lot lately and Gert doesn’t really know what to do with it, feels like she’s going to burst or melt into a puddle of goo because that’s the only thing left to do. Like right now, for example, they’re in the middle of a game of would you farther and she can’t stop laughing long enough to answer the question. 

“What about the sherbet?” Karolina asks, popping her head up from under the counter. She stacks five colorful bowls onto the counter before sliding one across it to each of them. 

“Nico ate it all,” Molly groans.

“What?” Nico says, waving her spoon around in the air as she does. “It was sparkly and loud. Sue me.” 

Karolina giggles then, pauses with her scoop of ice cream in mid-air to lean over the counter and press a kiss to Nico’s cheek. She looks back at Nico just as confused as she is and asks with a laugh, “Who _are_ you right now?”

Nico sticks her tongue out, stealing a spoon of Karolina’s ice cream. 

“Your turn, Gert,” Molly says, as annoyed by their PDA as she always is. Gert and Klara both start giggling. “Would you rather experience the beginning of the earth or the end of it?”

“Depends on whether we’re talking about a Big Bang type beginning of the earth or an Adam and Eve type one.” She grabs a handful of the rainbow worms Klara brought and throws it onto her half-melted bowl of ice cream, tops it off with a smattering of sprinkles and tiny ‘pink’ flavored jellies, whatever the hell that means. 

“Why the hell does that matter?” 

“Because Eve was probably crazy smart and hot,” she says with a huff, “and apes are fucking _apes_!” She’s clearly thought about this a lot. Klara bursts out laughing at that and Gert definitely likes her even more now. 

“Whichever one you want it to be then,” Karolina says, eating a spoonful of her ice cream. It’s swimming in cherries, whipped cream, and sprinkles. 

“Fine,” Gert smiles. “Beginning of time. And Eve was definitely there.”

“Me too then,” Nico says with a grin. “There were only two other people on earth... that’s literally perfect.”

“Nope!” Karolina shouts, shaking her head and waving her spoon around like a madwoman. Molly laughs, sprays a dollop of whipped cream right into her mouth. Gert loves them _so_ much. “End of the earth!” Karolina sing-songs. "Everyone would be in a complete panic. You could get away with anything.” 

“It’s the apocalypse, Karolina. _Not_ the purge.” 

Karolina rolls her eyes over-dramatically, folding her arms in front of her chest. “I stand by my decision.”

“You’d rather live in a bunker then experience the world untouched by man?” Klara asks. She’s propped up on the counter next to Molly, bowl of ice cream half empty. 

“A world untouched by man is Karolina’s dream come true,” Molly says and they all start laughing. They’re smiling wide and goofy and Molly almost falls off her place on the counter which just makes them all laugh even harder. 

Her face hurts from smiling so wide but she likes it too much to even think of stopping.

“Okay I think you’re right,” Karolina says eventually, a little breathless and still smiling. “Seeing the beginning of the earth would be way better.” 

Klara leans over to high five Gert and they both start laughing again. Klara reaches over to grab a handful of jellybeans then, pops one into her mouth before she says, “Too bad we don’t know how to time travel.”

“What?!” She says, afterward, when Molly stares at her with wide eyes. 

Gert almost chokes on a jellybean. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Klara asks, sliding off the counter in a frenzy as Karolina starts patting on Gert’s back as she dances between coughing a sputtering and almost dying. 

“Yep,” Gert says, gives her a thumbs up even though she’s still coughing and her face still feels red. Her heart is racing. “I’m all good.” Everyone is still staring at her. Nico, Karolina, and Molly look like they’re waiting for her to burst into tears or something. Gert rolls her eyes, sitting upright in one of the chairs and looking at Karolina. “Karo, it’s your turn. Give us a question.” 

“What— oh, right…” She stares down at nothing for a second, contemplating what to say, and then, with a smile and a twinkle in her eyes she asks, “would you rather wear a push-up bra or stiletto heels all day long?” 

Gert laughs then, different from before because she realizes she kind of hates this game and she would much rather walk the fucking plank than answer half these questions if she’s being honest. 

* * *

“ _De músico, poeta y loco, todos tenemos un poco,_ ” Gert says, her eyes on the book sprawled out in front of them, following the words she’s reading slowly and carefully so that he can keep up. 

It isn’t really working. 

She continues reading the extract they’d been assigned as homework out loud to him but Chase cannot, for the life of him, focus on a single word she’s saying. 

Technically, though, it’s not his fault. Nope. Not even a little bit. Except... Okay so maybe it is kind of his fault. But her eyes are sparkling as she speaks and her nose crinkles up every time she forgets how to pronounce a word, has to stare at it for a minute or two until she gets it, so can you really blame him? _Gert_ is the one who said they should be doing this on her bed, propped up on their elbows with her shoulder pressed against his. She’d also, of course, decided to take a shower first. So now her hair smells like cherries and feels soft and soaked whenever it brushes up against his arm. Never mind the fact that she’s doing this all in what is quite possibly the most not-a-nightgown nightgown he’s ever seen. The silk of it is cool against his shoulders and he cannot focus on one single goddamn word she’s saying. 

Which actually sucks because he’s been doing great in Spanish ever since Gert started tutoring him, but if he doesn’t ace the test he has tomorrow then it’ll potentially destroy his GPA. The test which is based on the extract that his girlfriend is reading right now. The same one he can’t even vaguely think about because she’s decided to look so good right now and it’s rendered him a completely inebriated mess. 

“Got it?” Gert asks him, drops a pink highlighter next to a sentence that matches it and turns to face him. 

Her hand goes up to his head then, brushes a curl of hair aside. It’s his favorite thing that she does, feels like such a small form of intimacy right out in the open. “Mhmm.” Her fingers are so soft and she smells so good and-

“Chase?” Gert asks, retracting her hand. She picks up her highlighter again. A blue one this time because gert has a system— pink is for words that are difficult, green is for the things they need to memorize, yellow is for definitions, and blue means easy. Good. “Did you hear what I said?”

Chase nods. “Yes.” He gestures vaguely to the textbook while Gert looks at him. He can’t tell if she’s buying it or not. “Yep. Of course.” 

“ _Really_?” Gert asks, sounds amused. So she’s _not_ buying it. She looks at him pointedly, tucking the marker she’s holding behind her ear. “Do you maybe wanna repeat it back to me, then?” 

Chase shakes his head. “no.... not, uh, not really.” 

Gert scoffs then, rolls her eyes and takes out her marker yet again. “You have a test,” she says softly, flips to the next page of the book he’d almost forgotten about. “Tomorrow.”

“Good thing we’re studying then,” he quips, steals a green highlighter from next to her. He presses his shoulder closer into hers so he can move closer to the book too. 

Gert laughs. “ _I'm_ studying. _You’re_ zoning out.” She steals the marker back from him. “And we’re done with definitions already... something you’d know if you actually paid attention.” 

“Yeah well it’s not really my fault is it?” Gert looks back at him unamused. “You’re not allowed to tutor me wearing tank tops anymore.” 

Gert’s cheeks go rosy then. “If you actually looked down at the text this wouldn’t be a problem,” she says, tries to sound a little annoyed but she’s blushing and her lips are curled up in the beginning of a smile. 

She clears her throat, tucking some strands of wet, cherry-scented hair behind her ears. “I... I made flashcards and everything,” she says, pouts a little because they know that’ll get her what she wants. 

“I’m sorry,” Chase sighs, leaning over to kiss her quickly. Gert must see it coming because she shakes her head and his lips end up on her cheek. She giggles a little, readjusting her position on the bed, waves him away half-heartedly. 

Chase laughs, retreats to his side of the invisible line drawn between them. “Okay,” Gert starts again. Chase grins across at her—she looks so beautiful, all hyper-focused and passionate, and he really, really wants to kiss her, but he promised he’d focused and he does actually want to pass this class. 

It’s another step in making sure he and Gert end up together at UCLA like they’re planning. They’re probably still going to live at the hostel but if they aren’t, if everyone decides they should find a new home, he can picture an apartment that’s just theirs— a kitchen even though they’re both awful cooks, a bedroom that’s just theirs, maybe a spare room for Old Lace to live in or maybe Gert could practice her music in it because Chase loves it when she sings. He can picture an entire life with her. 

Just as long as he passes this one, wretched, Spanish test. 

“So we were looking at metaphors. They don't really work the same as in English b— _what_?” 

“ _What_?” Chase asks defensively. 

“You’re staring,” Gert says, rolls her eyes. He is. 

“I’m not.”

“You are. You’re ogling,” Gert sings. 

Chase huffs out a laugh. “No one uses that word anymore,” he pauses, then, “no one has since the beginning of time, actually.” 

Gert rolls her eyes, sends a highlighter flying in his direction. “You need to study,” she says eventually, dropping her shoulders. 

“But I don’t want to study,” he groans, closing the book on her highlighter. Gert sighs and Chase leans over the book, kisses her slowly because he’s tired of not doing it.

“Too bad.” Gert’s lips are still pressing against his but she’s pulling back slowly. 

She sucks in a deep breath, opening the book back up again as Chase hangs his head dramatically. He huffs out a breath and Gert tells him, “we’re studying first.” 

Chase sighs, reluctantly picking up a highlighter of his own as he _finally_ starts reading through the first <p> for himself. It’s not as difficult as he’d expected it to be. It actually makes sense now that he’s made it past the first sentence which is as far as he’d gotten the first thirteen times he’d tried studying it earlier. Most of it is nothing that he needs to memorize, so he taps his marker lazily along the edge of the page while he reads. 

When he looks up again he’s about to start the second page (!!) and he can feel Gert watching him. He can’t really read her expression. “ _What_?”

“Nothing,” she mumbles. She leans over and kisses him, slower than before. Shorter too. He loves her so much. “We should keep going,” she says afterward, takes a deep breath and looks back at the textbook. 

Chase doubts he’s going to be able to pass this test. 

* * *

It’s Friendsgiving and Alex is in charge of setting the table. 

Paper plates, plastic cups, fancy swan-shaped napkins which Nico is in charge of folding,—although, by the looks of it, he doesn’t think they’re going to come out great unless she uses her staff— and two bottles of fancy non-alcoholic champagne because they’re going all out today. Gert even went out to the florist earlier to get a colorful bouquet to use as a centerpiece. 

The entire living room smells like jasmine. 

And turkey. Karolina is in the kitchen right now, checking up on it. She’d been kind enough to offer to make it even though she doesn’t like turkey and won’t even be eating it, and the rest of them had all been selfish enough to accept because Karolina’s cooking is by far the best out of all of them. Everyone else still got delegated the responsibility of making one extra dish so that they have more than just a well-cooked turkey and Karolina’s chicken parm. They spent all week scouring through magazines for recipes, deciding which sides and desserts to make and which were too self-indulgent. 

Answer: none of them. 

They did a pretty good job of splitting the responsibilities, Alex thinks. He and Chase are in charge of setting the table, finishing up all the side dishes when the turkey’s ready, and Molly, Gert, and Nico are in charge of decorations. Apart from the centerpiece and the horribly misshapen napkins, they’ve also made little name cards for each person’s plate and a string banner that reads ‘friendship’ and is definitely way too corny but everyone’s feeling extra sappy today so they don’t comment on it. 

Molly and Gert are working on it right now, sitting on the carpet with a slew of construction paper in every color of the rainbow and dollar store markers and enough glitter that there’ll probably be traces of it in the carpet thirteen years from now.

Alex puts down a plastic cup in Chase’s place because he’s trying to help Nico master the swans. To no avail. He looks like he’s worse at it than she is. Molly and Gert hold up the banner to the three of them for approval. “What do you think?” 

Alex holds back a laugh. Each letter is a different color and a different font and it kind of looks a little crazy but it goes perfectly with the theme they’ve got going. Still, he says, “Uh, it looks good. It does.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Gert isn’t buying it. 

“The F kind of looks like a snake,” he says. Molly glares at him. 

“If you think you can do better, be my guest!” 

“Let me help,” Chase says loudly, standing up. Alex can tell he is decidedly getting more and more frustrated by the intricacy of those goddamn origami swans. “These instructions are fucking confusing,” he groans and Nico tosses one of the unfolded napkins at his head. He catches it before it hits him, throws it back to her just as enthusiastically. 

“Nope!” Gert says, probably too loudly and quickly because Chase looks like a wounded bird now. He stops at the edge of the carpet, frozen in place. “Sorry, babe, but your arts and crafts skills are nonexistent.” She stands up to kiss his cheek, leaves him blushing even when his arms are folded and he’s trying to look offended. 

Molly scoffs, steals some popcorn from a bowl Gert had abandoned next to her. “That’s putting it nicely.” Chase sticks his tongue out at her and Gert sends a handful of glitter blowing in direction. They’ve been doing this all day, throwing /glitter/ at each other. 

The hostel is never going to be rid of it. Ever. 

“Whatever,” Chase says, laughing as he wipes off some glitter that lands on his shirt. “As long as I don’t have to look at another napkin.” 

“Me too,” Nico groans dramatically, she tosses it into the air. “I give up on this th- shit shit shit,” she says and they all start laughing when it lands in the cranberry sauce. Nico scrambles to her feet, lifting it up out of the dish. 

It’s dyed red and ruined. 

“Turkey’s almost done,” Karolina sings from the kitchen then, the worst possible moment. “Is everything ready out there?” 

“Yep,” Nico says back. Even as she does, the napkin in her hand is dripping red onto one of the white plates and the banner that Gert is hanging from one side of the doorframe all the way to ground. Everything could not be /less/ ready if they tried. “We’re good to go.” 

Alex looks at her pointedly but Nico just glared back, springing to her feet and picking up all the discarded, unfolded napkins. “Don’t you dare...” she groans. 

It’s a frantic and chaotic rush but they manage to get it all done, manage to make the table look somewhat decent enough that Molly takes a few pictures of it that she wants to show her friends— that’s got to mean something right? 

Dinner is good, although he wasn’t expecting anything else. Somehow it doesn’t really matter how crazy things are, everything else seems to cancel out when they’re all together. It’s a cacophony of laughter and plastic cups clinking together and this unbearable wave of happiness they’ve been feeling. 

Thanksgiving was never a big thing for the Wilders. Not really, anyway. They’d go to a big lunch at one of his mom’s relatives' houses, stay for an hour or two at the most, and then retreat back to the sanctity of their mansion. Alex wonders what his dad is doing today, if he’s still keeping up that tradition or he’s sitting in that big empty house all by himself. He hadn’t called to invite Alex over and Alex has been more than okay with that. 

It’s what he wanted. 

He feels like an asshole now, though. He’s here having the time of his life and his dad is probably falling apart by himself. He knows he /shouldn’t/ feel guilty—he has nothing to be guilty about, he’s accepted that now, finally— but that doesn’t change the fact that he does. 

“Earth to Alex,” Karolina sings, waving a hand in front of his face. “I said, can you pass the champagne.” 

“Sorry,” Alex scoffs, picking up the bottle and sending it her way. The /champagne/ doesn’t even look like champagne— it looks more lilac than champagne and its label is a kaleidoscope of words that don’t make sense next to each other. He still accepts a class eagerly when Karolina offers it a second later. 

It doesn’t taste half as bad as he was expecting. 

His friends are smiling and happy and he doesn’t think that a better feeling exists. It can’t. There’s just no way, honestly, it makes no sense at all. 

“We should all say what we’re thankful for,” Molly says after she takes a sip of her drink and grimaces. Alex scoffs. “Like we used to.” 

They’ve all only spent two Thanksgiving's together before today. Once when they were ten years old and their families had nothing better to do, and again the year that Amy died because their parents thought that forcing them to spend a holiday together would help them all start opening up to each other again. It didn’t. It made it worse. 

There was absolutely nothing to be thankful for back then. 

Today there is. “I second that,” Alex says and Molly offers him a smile from across the table. When the others look at him pointedly he shrugs, tells them, “It’s probably the first time in like... forever, that we do actually have something to be thankful for.” 

They all agree pretty quickly after that. 

“I’ll go first,” Chase says, sitting upright in his chair like he’s about to give a long speech but all he says is, “I’m thankful for this delicious turkey.” 

Nico let’s out a bitter laugh then. Alex has to hold back his own laugh. “Wow, you really thought long and hard about that one, huh?” Molly giggles next to him and Chase rolls his eyes, decides to ignore them and takes a sip of his almost empty drink instead. 

“Nico, you’re not allowed to judge what people choose to be grateful for.” 

“Sorry.” 

Chase sticks his tongue out at her and she does it back. They look like children. Chase must catch Gert staring at him, amused and unconvinced, because he lets out a heavy sigh and takes in another deep breath. “I’m also thankful we’re all alive,” he says softly. 

Everyone goes silent for a minute, lets it sink in for a minute because they almost died. They /did/ die— Gert and Chase and other versions of all of them. They’re all lost forever. So is his mother. So are all those runaways. So are so many other people they were supposed to save.

They’re still alive. That’s a miracle all in itself. 

“Me too,” Gert says eventually, her face softened and different than before, like it always is when she talks to Chase. She gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m thankful we’re all alive /and/ together.” 

Molly lifts up her glass dramatically next, waves it around in the air and her drink splashes a little out of her cup as it swirls around. ”I’m thankful that it’s a Thursday because I’m going to need a whole weekend to sleep off all this food,” she says, and everyone starts laughing. 

Alex thinks Molly is kind of magical in the way that she can take such a deep, dark, profound moment and turn it into the six of them doubled over in laughter just /because/. 

“I’m thankful that Nico wasn’t the one doing the cooking and that, because of that, we could actually enjoy it,” Alex adds on as Karolina and Molly laugh with him. 

Nico tosses a french roll at him from across the table. It hits his shoulder and falls down onto the ground. “Ouch!” 

“Not sorry, asshole!” 

Karolina giggles. “I’m thankful we’re all friends again,” she says, even though it’s been over a year since they became friends again. Alex is so grateful They’re all friends again. He can't picture where his life would be right now if he hadn’t gotten them all back together that first night. He’d probably still be drowning in his guilt. “I'm thankful that we’re back here spending thanksgiving together like we always wanted to... almost all of us, anyway.” She takes Nico’s hand. 

They’re all already kind of a mess, teary-eyed and hearts swelling, but then Nico says “I’m thankful to have found a family in the people in all of you,” and they’re seriously done for. They’re all in tears, abandoning their meal to huddle into one extremely uncomfortable and awkward big group hug. 

“I love you losers,” Molly says and someone, probably Gert, flicks her on the back of her head and just like that they all get roped into another argument about absolutely nothing all over again. 

It’s perfect. 

Eventually, they retreat to the living room, trying to decide if they should watch a Disney movie or rewatch The Hunger Games for the nineteenth time because it’s one of the only DVD’s they have and they underground bunker doesn’t really know about cable or streaming just yet. They don’t even have a solid WiFi signal. 

“Wait! We need a picture!” 

“I got it!” Molly sings, pulling out her phone, she squeezes onto the couch between Nico and Gert. 

“My head looks like a square,” Nico says then, trying to shift out of view of Molly’s camera. “Why the fuck does my head look like a square?” 

Gert is giggling uncontrollably, so is Molly, capturing as many pictures as she can of Nico before Nico tries to snatch the phone out of her hands. 

“Wait I need to see that!” Chase says excitedly, making his way across the room in strifes. He sits down next to Gert as Molly hands him the phone. 

“Molly, no!” Nico sighs. 

“Molly, yes!” 

“I meant a normal people picture,” Karolina groans, massaging her temples tiredly. 

“Boring!!” Molly sings, snapping another picture of Nico. This time with a filter that puts a baseball cap over her head that reads ‘/mother-trucker/.’ “Besides,” Molly laughs. “We’re not normal people.”

* * *

“So what kind of coffee do you want?” Gert asks her. It’s a pointless question. Both because they only have one type of instant coffee and because Nico doesn’t actually want coffee despite what she’d said when she asked Gert to join her in the kitchen. 

“I don’t want coffee.” 

“What do you want then?” Gert asks and there’s no malicious to it, just exhaustion. They’ve had such a long day. Everyone else is conked out on the couch while The Princess and The Frog plays on their little sad excuse for a tv, and here they are having this conversation right now because Nico couldn’t hold back just until tomorrow when it isn’t Thanksgiving anymore. 

“So funny thing,” she says, props herself up on the counter across from Gert, who turns on the kettle, taking out a mug for herself. “Today when I was in looking for the glitter in your room, your phone started ringing.” 

Gert huffs out a laugh. “I think we need to reassess what you consider as funny.” 

“It was Mrs. Hobbs,” Nico says. 

Gert freezes in place, holding her mug up in mid-air. “Oh.” The kettle starts steaming as it finishes. Nico can tell by the fact that Gert refuses to turn around that she knows exactly what this is about. That the gut feeling she’s had all day has been right. 

Nico nods even though Gert won’t see it. “She wanted to let you know your Smith application got sent out yesterday.” Gert’s shoulders drop. “What happened to UCLA?” 

“Nothing!” Gert says instantly, turning around and shaking her head. Her voice is so quiet Nico almost doesn’t hear her. Gert let’s out a deep breath. “I’m still... I’m still going there.” 

“But you’re applying to other colleges?” Nico asks, maybe too loudly because Gert’s eyes go wide as she teeters to the edge of the room and quietly shuts the door to the kitchen so they have some privacy. Not that they really need it because everyone else is half asleep but that doesn’t really seem to register for Gert. “I’m assuming _that_ ,” Nico gestures to the closed door, “means you haven’t told Chase.” 

“No,” Gert shakes her head. Either Nico is _way_ more tired than she thought or Gert’s head is moving so rapidly that she kind of looks like a bobblehead. She kind of looks like a lot of things right now— horrified is definitely one of them. “Not yet... not ever, actually. I’m not applying to _go_ I’m just... No, it’s stupid.” 

“We just watched Chase and Alex moonwalk on the coffee table I think my stupid threshold is pretty high.” It makes Gert laugh which is what she was hoping for so Nico feels a little better. Gert empties a sachet of coffee into her mug, stirs it into the steaming water. 

She sighs, walking across the room to the counter, using her elbows to lift herself up onto it next to Nico. She swallows a deep breath of air before she says, “I just wanted to know if I could do it. If I _could_ get in.” 

“It... it used to be my _dream_ once upon a time before... everything. I just wanted to see if I could do it.” 

“Gert-“ 

Gert shakes her head again, dropping her shoulders. “Don’t tell me it’s a stupid idea. I _know_ it is. I just applied. Nothing else. I probably won't even get in.” Nico drops her shoulders, sits back a little as Gert talks, trying to convince herself as much as she is Nico probably. “I was on duty at the library, trying to make up as many hours of community service as I could and the applications were just... right there. So I filled one out. It doesn’t mean anything. Like I’m not going to go— I don’t _want_ to go.” 

Gert’s crying a little and Nico feels like shit now. She wraps an arm around her shoulders and Gert sighs. “Chase and I have a plan to go to UCLA together… _that’s_ what I want.” 

“Okay,” Nico nods, offers her a smile and Gert half-heartedly returns it. It doesn’t reach her eyes. 

“Nico, you can’t tell him about this, okay?” She says, sounds scared and hurt and Nico definitely should’ve waited until tomorrow or never to have this conversation. “If he finds out about it… I don’t want to hurt him.” 

Nico thinks she’s the last person who would ever have any right to bring this up to Chase when she hasn’t even told anyone that she’s leaving yet. After graduation. Karolina still hasn’t decided if she’s going with her or not but, either way, this is something Nico has to do. She’s leaving and she’s lying about it so how could she fault for Gert for just _considering_ it. 

“I won’t,” she assures her, takes her hand in her own and smiles at her. Gert smiles, rests her head on Nico’s shoulder. “I promise… but you know he would support you in this, right? Everyone would. If you wanted to go, that would be okay. None of us are going to hold it against you.” 

Gert shakes her head again, swallows as she pulls back and looks at Nico. “I don’t want to be the tear in the group,” she says softly. “I’m not going to be the one who pulls us apart.” 

Nico scoffs. “Who says we have to tear?” 

* * *

Gert finally makes it out of the kitchen long after Nico’s fled back to their friends. Chase is lying on the couch, the only one still at least half-awake and staring at the blinding lights of the tv. 

“Hey,” he says with a yawn, lazily shifts on the couch so she can lie down next to him. “Where’d you disappear to? I thought you might have gone to bed.” 

Gert had thought about it. She’d considered going back to their bedroom after drinking her cup of weak coffee and wiping her eyes dry. Her brain is too busy for her to be able to sleep. It’s spinning and she can’t seem to get it to stop. 

She never should have applied to Smith. It was such a dumb thing to do. Like honestly one of the dumbest things she’s ever done. She doesn’t even know why she did it, if she’s being honest. Because she and Chase have a plan— granted it’s one they’ve only ever discussed late at night when they’re both sleepy and happy and thinking about things that it is _way_ too early to think about, but it’s a plan nonetheless. 

“Sorry,” she says, lying down with her head on his chest. “I lost track of time.” Chase drapes an arm around her waist, holds her closer like she wants to be, and he's so warm. Gert thinks winter in the hostel is going be a feat, because the leaves aren’t even off the trees yet and she’s freezing in here. 

They need a fireplace. Maybe she’ll talk to Chase about that in the morning, so she doesn’t have to talk about the _other_ thing on her mind. 

He senses the shift in her, because of course, he does, knowing her better than anyone these days. Better than anyone ever, most likely. “You okay?” He asks softly, whispers it into her hair. 

“Yeah.” She rests her hand over his, mindlessly fiddling with his fingers. 

She has a notebook in her room full of clippings of poetry and literature that she finds herself coming back to whenever she needs to ground herself again. Her favorite has to be one from an author whose name is half faded but almost looks like Pablo Neruda, would be if it didn’t look decades older than it should. It’s about how everything from the past seems to creep into the future, how there’s no escaping fate. Like the tide coming back in, or the sun rising every morning, or her ending up here with Chase. This was always going to happen and its what she’s always wanted to happen. 

She’s decided she’s not going to tell him about Smith. It’s not going to do anything but hurt him and they’ve all suffered enough hurt to last a lifetime. She doesn’t even care if she gets in anymore. This is where they were supposed to end up. 

They made it. 

“Are you sure?”

“Just tired,” Gert nods, presses her lips together tightly and leans up to kiss him. Chase runs a hand through her hair. “You think we should wake the others?” He asks when her head is back on his chest. It’s only then that she notices they’re the only ones left awake. 

She shakes her head. “No, leave them. They all look so comfortable.” They’re scattered across the room, Molly and Old Lace cuddling on the carpet while everyone else lies on the huge couch Nico had found on a street corner a week after they found the hostel. 

Chase swallows a breath and she can feel him smiling against her forehead. “Do we have to go to bed or can we just stay here?” He asks next, cuddling closer to her. 

“Here,” she says softly. “I like it here.” The static from the tv and the warmth coming off Chase in every way possible is the only thing keeping her from spiraling right now. 

“Me too,” he laughs softly. Gert can feel the warm huff of air against her neck. She can feel his lips there next, pressing a sleepy kiss to the back of her neck before her eyes flutter closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the lovely comments left on the last chapter and all the support for this fic i appreciate it so much!!!! i hope you enjoyed this chapter xx pls leave a comment if you can i love hearing what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really proud of how this turned out!! hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i did writing it! thank you sm for reading, be sure to leave a comment if you can to let me know what you think of it <3
> 
> also! the title is from tayla parx's 'Runaway' because i think i'm funny :))


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